A promise I make

Language was created to convey only a minute part of the emotions. If I could reveal the depth of love I felt for you, I would’ve even torn opened my insides to show you. I lay here mercilessly vulnerable to any kind of treatment you would imply on me. Here is my life; here is my heart. If I could give you the world I would. If I could exchange every joy of mine with each sorrow of yours, I would. If you’ve ever known love, you wouldn’t know anyone as unconditional as mine. You might say that I am not practical. You say that I am dependent. I could tell you that I like being that way. Life is perfect with you there & if you’re not there, there’s no life. Life has no purpose. Maybe I’m short-sighted. But then who knows tomorrow. I know not if we might be here. I can’t promise to be alive for you, but I do promise to be with you till I exist. I would want you in my life tomorrow, the next day & the day after that but life gives no guarantees. I know that you’re in this moment with me & that means a lot to me. More than you’ll ever know perhaps.

Abstract

I've forgotten a part of me that I need to find. I Don't know where I left it. I don't know even if I had it. Did I lose it on the way or did it never exist? If I told my story, I'd still get no answer. At times the pregnant silence gets so hard to bear & these words resound in my head: "You hold the answers deep within your own mind. Consciously, you've forgotten it. That's the way the human mind works. Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us to entertain, we reject it. We erase it from our memories. But the answer is always there." (Evanescence) I don't know whats killing me inside. If someone knows, won't they tell me?

Small Tokens of Appreciation that matter!

It was my parent’s 26th wedding anniversary a few days back. Their anniversary has been the most important day of the year for ages to me. It gives me the opportunity to appreciate them as one because I feel a bit of discrimination on birthdays. This time it's equal for both so saves me the guilt of leaving the other one out. Since a few years I've tried to come up with a new idea EVERY YEAR to surprise them. I always feel it becomes little more important & meaningful if it's unexpected. I've always loved surprises. So even though I don’t get them myself I do try to give them to those close to me. Last year...silver Jubilee-we (me & my siblings) planned a big party at the hotel they were married in (though another spot would've saved us money & served better food). Nevertheless we kept the sentiments & gave the memories a newer meaning. They weren't just surprised, they were shocked! But it turned out great, with all their friends & all our friends. This year I wanted to change the routine of decorating the hall outside their bedroom in the middle of the night so they wake up to find a place ready for a party with balloons& party spray & gifts. No fudged cakes either. The surprise for this year was to 'have no surprise'. It becomes a routine & expected so, break the cycle. The theme of this year was "26" but didn't carry it out to the end. I decided to get 26 cards & that was bout it. We wrote special messages in them from their 1st year of marriage till now-one for each year. A milder reincarnation of last years photo album-with 25 years photos together covering all the years in approximately 45pictures. This was a light year-nothing too fancy. Designed the cards in the form of 26 & left em on the table outside & came home from work to find them decorated with ribbons on my parent’s cupboards. Sweet! This is what I call a creative family. My parents surprised us with jewelry & watches as gifts last year. This year it was a nice quiet dinner. It really pays off to be a wonderful little family. Do a little & it come back; Life’s small meaningful pleasures.

Here's Their return

About the people we call Friends

A best friend is great because you have:

• Someone who’ll listen to you almost anytime of the day, without complaining that you whine too much( otherwise You’ll say that to them on their turn)
• Someone who wouldn’t mind hearing the most disgusting things you did (even if they’re disgusted themselves-it’s gossip)
• Someone who’ll cheer you up if you’re down (so what if you’re blue, they’re in a good mood!)
• Someone who’ll be there when you need someone (hint: they want you to do the same for them)
• Someone who’ll value you for who you are (no choice, they don’t want to change either).
• Someone who’ll never really forget you, wherever they go ( If they get caught they’ll need someone dependable to bail ‘em out)
• Someone who’ll thrive in your success (of course, they get part of it too)
• Someone who’ll remember to wish you on your birthday (they don’t want to miss the party nor be forgotten on their days)
• Someone who’ll stand by your side through thick & thin (I wonder what the ‘thick’ & ‘thin’ refer to??? Must be the weight issue!)
• Someone who knows what food you like (makes sure they get that before you decide on something more expensive)
• Someone you could call in the middle of the night & tell about your gf/bf trouble( they don’t want to miss the spicy stories)
• Someone you could share any part of your life with (it’s over, they won’t have to deal with the trouble again, hopefully)
• Someone who would keep your secrets (recheck definition of secret; once said is no longer a secret plus they’re not telling you who they told!) On the brighter side, you’ll always have someone by your side. That’s great itself.

(No offense meant to anyone. My own friends are PRECIOUS to me.)

Mistake

I look at you & I see a broken dream,
I reach out to you & touch nothingness,
I think about you & my mind's only creating illusions
I hold you & experience detachment
I see your eyes & feel coldness ...................

 I look inside myself & find unrequited love
I reach into my soul to feel the emptiness
 I think of myself & rationalise the hurt
I hold myself to prevent from falling
 I see my reflection & realize my mistake.