Monday, August 07, 2006

Its a doc's life

To be watching ambulances being wheeled in everyday is one thing but sitting in one to take one of your own beloveds to the ER is something different.

Being in the medical field, we're used to seeing the tear filled faces & people sitting outside the ICUs with thier rosaries for those inside.The ambulance sirens & the running staff had been rountine. It had barely ever been moving with the stress we're daily exposed to. Everyone's trying to get along with their own lives so we let those handling the matters to them only.

The other day my uncle had a stroke. I checked his blood pressure & it was really high. I popped some pills in his mouth that I had on hand so by the time we got to the hospital it had lowered but still high. Due to the emergency numbers being busy & lack of people at home the event worsened. It had been 3hours before we got him the right care.Sitting next to him in the ambulance I watched for a constant movement. The distances seemed to never end. The traffic was taking too long. There weren't enough personnel around for help. All the relative things that happen when you want to rush. I constantly wondered if I'd had my last moments with him in that time. It was a serious one (in one of those long Unpronounceable places that I'll skip for u). There was immediate surgery & he was into rehabilitation. No one wanted to assume anything. No one wanted to give scary warnings. Good I thought. We'll see watever happens when it comes by.

The moral of the story is that it's easy to take other people's sickness more easily than that of a loved one. We somehow believe that while someone still walks they're eternal. We forget the delicate thread that this life is bounded by. It's one tiny snap & all is gone.

Today its a relative, tomorrow it could be those closer.I'd not have thought of it till this reality struck me. Cherish those around you.Give them some time to let them know that you care.You never know which words could be the last exchanged. When all is said & done, deep down you'd not live with that regret that 'I could've done more.'

Monday, July 24, 2006

The Accident

Temporary warmth of an accidental hug

Recaptured the heart that had tried to forget

The love in vain.

The suppressed emotions resurfaced

Hope came to life

The wait started again

& It would continue...

The torment would return

The cycle would carry on

She would continue paying...

The price of the accidental meeting.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Unrequited Love

How could u change the nature of the thorn & expect it to never rend again?
How could you seek comfort when that’s something it has never been?
How could you try to forget what was never meant to be forgotten?
It was a lesson…just a lesson.
For the final time, stop this pain. There is nothing even left to feel anymore.
Wish this heart could forget everything.
It isn’t easy, it never was.
Tears of disappointment rise once & again.
None to forgive,
One to never forget.
Why had hope deserted when love decided to stay?
Why did bitterness come walking in while it still occupied the place?
Why when all went down, did it never bow out?
It's not hatred that's burning inside, it's that unrequited passion.
Die, I say.
Die, I pray.
Die, there's nothing worthy left today.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Wat ppl say bout me...

Arena

(known to self and others)

independent, knowledgeable, logical, mature, observant

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

able, adaptable, bold, brave, calm, caring, clever, complex, confident, dignified, energetic, friendly, giving, idealistic, intelligent, loving, modest, reflective, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, shy, sympathetic, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty

Façade

(known only to self)

organised

Unknown

(known to nobody)

accepting, cheerful, dependable, extroverted, happy, helpful, ingenious, introverted, kind, nervous, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, relaxed, religious, responsive, silly, spontaneous, tense

All Percentages

able (20%) accepting (0%) adaptable (6%) bold (20%) brave (6%) calm (6%) caring (13%) cheerful (0%) clever (6%) complex (20%) confident (20%) dependable (0%) dignified (13%) energetic (6%) extroverted (0%) friendly (6%) giving (20%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (13%) independent (20%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (40%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (20%) logical (6%) loving (33%) mature (20%) modest (6%) nervous (0%) observant (13%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (20%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (6%) self-assertive (13%) self-conscious (6%) sensible (13%) sentimental (26%) shy (13%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (6%) tense (0%) trustworthy (26%) warm (33%) wise (6%) witty (20%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 1.5.2006, using data from 15 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view blackempress's full data.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Sunday, January 01, 2006

The Long standing Question

There is usually a thought in every person's mind whether expressed or not about their existence. For some it's there as adolescents & then somehow getting into the grinding of the daily chores they forget to question things.

There are those such as I, who since the last 15years have been trying to find the meaning of life. Born with a silver spoon in the mouth, good family, great friends, good education, ample oppurtunities to grow and discover various things in life,I am as clueless as I was 20years ago. I've dug up religion. I've delved into the psyche of the human minds & read a great many books on philisophy but never to recieve an answer to the question.

People claim to have found their way. We aren't in the position to be skeptical. They are those who have found a passion or if nothing else 'contentment' in their lives.

I wasn't given the oppurtunity to live to do what my neighbor's doing or even what my brother or mother wanted to. The whole idea is that we all were created for a different purpose. Some people are there to serve others & some are there to be served. It's the way Nature has created us. It wasn't to us to question 'why humans eat the chicken & the chicken don't eat humans?' Somethings just "are".

Somethings that 'are' for some are just not for others. As the saying goes "one man's spinach is another man's poison". This makes it harder for each of us to open a different goody bag & make sense of it.

The 'meaning of life' doesn't span contentment. It's just that contentment is a playing factor in it. I talk in broad terms.

"why was life created?" The older I get the more worthless things appear. It seems that there is very little to do. Everywhere its the same thing & it surmounts to nothing valuable. I don't know what people chase. Perhaps to the man on the street, money will be of the greatest importance & to the woman without children, having a child would make life worthwhile. Aren't these materialistic things? Haven't all the religions taught to rise above them? These are the things we can't live without or have to do without but its just that "there's gotta be more to life!" Career, family, money & love can't be the beginning and the end, or are they?