Fears & Hopes

There’s a door for a new world open for me but I stand afar, frightened like a child. There are fears about what that door has behind it yet there is a strange curiosity. My mind desperately clings to the fears it had harbored since childhood of where it might lead to. With the fear comes the need to control, so try to conjure how I’d feel if I walked through. But how could I say when I don’t even know what’s there? I don’t know what I’m hoping for. I look back & there’s no other route. I stand in the middle of nowhere, unable to go back, & too afraid to step ahead. Could I be happy? Will I get everything I want or would be a lifetime of silence? No one knows my story; no one will understand what happened.

Memorable moment

I stood atop the highest peak I could find. One part of my life was over, for which I was grateful. I’d been through as much manipulation as had been loved. Sometimes miracles happen, this was one. I felt so light despite knowing that in another part of the town someone else was crying.

<>I sighed, out of relief & maybe some heartache. Nevertheless I was easy.

I opened my eyes to find the sun setting. The skies were a resplendent splash of violets, oranges & pinks- a rare combination but the most spectacular view possible. Naturally the remains of my feelings dissolved as I watched the colors merge & the darkness make its way in.

The wind blew & I let my hair loose to let them beat with the breezes. My folded arms relaxed as I put them into my pockets. My tensed face smoothed into a pensive but calm state.

The last of the scarlet reminded me of the recent fight. It was the shade of blood. We’d bled together, I recalled the way you’d seared my skin with glass in your lusty rage. It still haunted me.

The pink reminded me of my first sip of champagne, on our date-your eyes intently grazing at me while I lifted the glass to my lips.

Orange was the curtains you had put in your studio, where we’d endless photography sessions of me, followed by hours of love-making.

The seeping moonlight reminded of the white dress I wore at the last dance, the way you held me by the arms to take a look at it. How you constantly sought excuses to caress my neck with your lips! You said you loved the floral scent of my perfume. It was one of the best of times.

Black was the cloud setting on our lives now. The sky had painted the whole story in a short time. I wore black too-celebrating the funeral of our lives.

I had no regrets for it to be over. There was no going back. We’d a great time, good times as well as bad. We’d been through so much together. But it was time to abandon what only caused pain & bitterness now.

There’d be someone else for the two of us. Perhaps in another life, if we could patch up our flaws we’d survive. In this lifetime, our places weren’t together. I belonged to someone else-perhaps Nature. I had always been identified with the wind-perhaps I was. I wish you enough love that you’d make it through this life & take a bow to pursue my life in peace.

Human stain

I was temporarily working in the children’s cancer ward. I was still discovering my job as a counselor there, while noting the distress parents went through for their children & the sickness concerned. Not a great position for you to be in, when people are carrying fragile lives in their arms with pleading eyes to save the greatest treasures of their lives. No one could retain the lives Lord had decided to place into heaven quickly. It was a difficult situation nevertheless. One day a girl, more familiar to the place than me, was wheeled in. She kept crying without consolation. The entire team gathered around to tend but she wouldn’t stop, fearing that the chemotherapy would cause the hair-loss & ruined her skin etc. I listened patiently & tried to console as much as I could. I later learnt that she’d been in therapy since 3 years & had developed the cancer at the age of 12. I also learnt her name “Kanwal” meaning ‘flower’. She was from the east, perhaps Indian. She turned out to be my favorite & she started to really like me because I always went to ask her & give her time. Not trained enough in those days I didn’t understand the procedures such as the Lumbar puncture (which was to extract a little of the spinal fluid & investigate for various cells for diagnosis of the stage & type of cancer) & others. It just amazed me to see the will these patients had to hold on to life. That was when I really learnt to value all that I was blessed with. Just a doctor(actually a student in a white-coat then) going up to someone to ask how they were, to stand for 5 minutes & listen to the patient’s feelings & fears, to be there to give a hand to console for just 2 minutes meant so much to her. In those eyes I learnt what fear of dying was like. I could not extent her time on earth. I could only try to encourage her to live better in the time she was allowed. Perhaps she understood. She always felt better after talking with me. She asked for me when I wasn’t around & anticipated my visit as soon as she arrived. I reciprocated the feelings to a great extent. She taught me the value of human compassion. Then one day I hoped that she would come for a check-up so I could give her this rose I’d been saving for someone worthwhile since years. I knew she was the perfect candidate. My working period in that ward was over. Fortunately she came. She felt a bit shy at first then took it, with pleasure gleaming in her usually sad eyes-the eyes that longed to see better days. She held my hand for a few minutes & then had to be taken for her tests so I didn’t get a chance to see her again. I watched her being taken in the examination room as they made her change into a gown. Morosely I whispered a sotto-voce goodbye. I knew my voice couldn’t mange to break her heart that I wouldn’t see her again. I left the building that day, ambivalent about the situation. There was a contentment that she’d remember someone sincerely cared about her. On the other hand equally sad that I was leaving her alone with her dreams of dressing up & braids. I would never return to those gates, would never know if her dreams came true & whether she won the battle of life or surrendered to Heaven.

Original thoughts

" If one person loves you with their heart & soul, you'll find a meaning of life in it But if one person hurts you, step out & see how little the value is of one person."

 "Dont pretend to attach importance to something that doesnt have any value to u Because it may deprive the person for whom it may actually have a lot of importance."

Fallen

Your name reverberates in my head
Preventing me from living & forbidding me to die
Its caustic, flares up tormenting pain
& its sweetness lures me back into that hell.
Warning signs had done little but challenge
I chose to fall into your seductive abyss
Not knowing that its light had been consumed
& I became the permanent prisoner of darkness.
Your celestial image walks in front of my eyes
My tortured mind speaks your name in sleep & rising
These tears damn you quietly
As much as these senses cry out in longing.
There’s nothing besides this endless falling-
My cursed fate for being in love with you!

Dream Come true

A child's wish, a woman's dream...thanks to all my readers for making it come true. {the counter just crossed 1000} :) hope we enjoy all the upcoming time together. Thank you once agian. Words fall short expressing the joy & gratitude I feel .

Life After Love

(A dialouge between two girlfriends after one loses her lover)

Loneliness is a friend so easy to keep

When the hurt sinks soul-deep

The heart learns to rely on its only friend

& the mind distrusts the mortals & starts to pretend.

Mortal minds are the same only thinking alters

& when the heart is wounded trust does falter

But given time the wound heals & trust can be regained

Loneliness is no friend & only encourages to feign.

Feigning is easier than opening a wounded soul

Loneliness can make a person whole

Broken trust takes time to revive

By then the heart finds other means to survive.

Survival of the fittest comes natural to all

But the heart should learn to stand after a fall

Giving up hope is no way to live

To get the best, requires the best to give.

Hearts are prone to play silly games

A new game opens & nothing stays the same

One heart broken is one piece lost

The loss of another-the higher the cost.

The cost gets higher that’s for sure

From such skirmishes no heart is secure

But itself the heart must learn to mend

& not shatter to pieces as it usually tends.

Love lies in words but lesser in deeds

Its love that makes the heart bleeds,

A promise of love & that’s how the story goes

A new passion & that’s the end of the vow.

Everything has it’s time to go

One performance over & its time for the next show

There’s a lot to give for alittle gain

& the heart must be strong enough to learn to live again.

Dreams are for the day & tears for the night

Thrown into the pits after exalted to such heights

How could the heart then learn to trust?

When after hovering the skies it’s thrown onto the dust.

Love needs time to develop if it has to live long

Even the wings of a bird take time to grow strong

First they learn & then they fly

Similarly faith & trust grow as time goes by.

The pain of some wounds is too much concealed

It hurts the pride to know it could be revealed

It’s not instantaneous but recurs time after time

& when encountered with its source, reaches its prime.

Wounds can heal if they are exposed

Nothing can affect what is closed

There can’t be any heroes without any call

Then how can they know when there is a fall?

Why take the chance when the end is the same?

Why risk a lifetime to guilt & blame?

Arrival of the right one might take years

Is that really worth all the tears?

What are years compared to a lifetime of bliss?

Every sacrifice quashes when matched with this

Why feel sorrow or guilt if love turns out wrong?

There’ll be greater love when the right one comes along.

She

She is the dream that touches reality, Then folds inside herself again, She is the one who loves you, Her love peeks from those valentine chocholate wrapppers, She is the one who tends to the night, To make it pleasant & peaceful for you, She feels ur pain, She'll cry ur tears for u, So u can smile for her, She'll understand how u feel- You'll see her glow when you talk. She secretly guards her love for you, Pretending she doesnt know you love her. She wants another dance with you, But is too shy to ask. In that tender heart she harbors a desire, To be loved unconditionally, Only for her.

Unveiling Beauty

Dedicated to Sabs It wasn’t like it was new-had been social since long but this seemed like a suitable match. No one could deny that it was seemingly torn by conflicts, yet there was unbelievable attraction. I thought it wouldn’t last. Funny as it turned out to be that similarities were on war. It was thought-provoking. The mere notion that here was someone who appeared so different yet displayed the same colors was fascinating in itself. I spent like 22 years walking the same streets & had also met my lost twin on the way but this was far more fun. I always enjoyed deciphering difficult personalities, especially the discrepancies in nature. I had a love for discovering what people tend to conceal. I was quick to notice the qualities that were similar to mine in whoever they appeared. This was a different case. It took time. Not much of my nature to wait around for things to show. This was a case of breaking a precedent & without regret.

 It was amusing to watch different roles in one person at a particular time. Here were feet that altered grounds as smoothly as foam on the tides. I called it fluidity & when I should’ve hated MY quality exhibiting in someone else, I loved it. I would never claim to be good at playing games but I was amused by observing contestants at their crafty sport. I’ve always marveled at some people’s talents for “tackling” others. I suppose we all have that to some limit in us. I discovered depth-something I was longing for since ages. Any area I tried laying a finger on just sublimed into a multihued bubble-like mass before vanishing without a trace. The fantasy was too exciting. I wanted to touch & explore it before it drifted into thin air. I didn’t get opportunities like it too often. Anything to rouse my intrinsic qualities was inviting. I wanted so badly to know ME that I treaded into unwelcome grounds to discover it. When a mental challenge waited, it was too tempting to refuse. I had to at least try shifting things around & put the pieces in the correct order. I really wasn’t the puzzle person but nevertheless could at least conjure the type of piece that’d fit, if not the real thing. I’d use any means to get my answers which could be anything from my imagination or music to philosophy. I’ve always believed that every lock has a key. If there shall exist one, I should get it. Pretty adamant attitude don’t you think? Surely one you’d admire to know. Just the unlocking was exhilarating & became far more rewarding if consisted of some gems. It wasn’t that behind every lock there was a treasure; at times it consisted of aged soot. The experience was crushing. But some locks held treasures beyond imagination. I knew the secret of life-treasures were well guarded. Remember the pearl shell, the butterfly’s cocoon or the diamond in the ore, even the rainbow was covered by clouds. The greatest beauty was always hidden. I learnt that early. I, being of vivid imagination longed for fancy. I couldn’t blame myself for being in love with the obscure. I’d already had an affair with “touch me & I’ll disappear”, it was unlikely that I’d miss the chance to date “touch me but you can’t”. I could see solid feet but never knew how well they’d transform. My dreams came true. Illusions in real life! Someone prevent me from falling in love! I’d been pathetic at resisting temptation.

I wanted a prospect to learn how to hold the intangible. Impossible was a word I’d removed from my lexicon. So it was a challenge dancing before my eyes. No matter how hard I tried to resist, it haunted me. I was starving for glory. I needed it now, more than ever. I couldn’t avert my eyes from something so rare. Uniqueness was another one of my weaknesses including originality. Wild horses wouldn’t have driven me away from this situation. I had to just learn to hold on long enough to see beyond the film of colors. The assignment required patience & skill. To exacerbate the task the entire scene witnessed a performance of various transformations. A mesmerizing show indeed, but equally perplexing. The thrill remained. Slowly consistent efforts started producing results. One by one the colors separated & became comprehensive, yet some continued to blend & alter. I watched in awe, enjoying each entity as it deserved-some more some less. I was delighted at my discovery & proud of myself for taking the time.

 Some things are well worth waiting for. This was one of them. Life is full of amazing discoveries. Who’s really expecting to come across such lovely creatures when they dive into those deep oceans? It’s spell-binding the things they find thousands of feet away from the human eye. It’s not that they hit upon something valuable every time. They do return disappointed too. So with effort, discovery & disappointments are a part of life. I’d my share of that in the past. My imagination didn’t result in regret, which was creditable for me. I had high hopes & didn’t fancy letting them shatter to the ground. I consider myself lucky for being given this opportunity. For once I not only found an interesting pursuit but it’d been a time of training as well as learning. There are lessons to learn from all that we come across. I made the most of what I’d been granted. It was one of those walks of life that I’d remember & always cherish. It was a time well-spent. Strolling along the road I lifted my face to behold an attractive soul. I witnessed an indefinable beauty that transcended physical measures, by simply looking into a face of a woman.

The Promise

Silence echoes within these walls.Between each echo I try to call your name. My lips part to speak but no words come. How could it? I do not know your name yet. There’s a halo of emotions surrounding me. There’s hollowness within. I want to bridge the distance keeping me apart from myself. Through prayers yet unanswered I await your arrival. I do not know your face but instinctually I will know it’s you. The aura of the purest love would suffice.
There’s so much the mind has suppressed to avoid pain. Mine’s the faces that change constantly to hide from strangers-The masks I choose to protect myself. You dwell in my soul & your thoughts vitalize me. I’m a prisoner, till your love would release me. Only time keeps us apart.
I can feel you, Within these shadows, You've given me feelers for love. Every entity mirrors your existence, It’s your presence that colors these skies above. Life would glow in its hues when your soul joins mine. I heard you swear, Then I swore too, Ours is a promise of many lifetimes.

A Point In Time

So much gone but the best is yet to come... I'm waiting for another rainbow to smile on, I'm searching for another star to wish upon, I'm looking for another mountian to climb, I'm questing for another ocean to dive, I'm awaiting another wind to ride, I'm standing at the crossroads of my life.

The Everlasting Dance

(Man) There you go stealing my heart away
Leaving me stranded with this feeling within
Here I’m restless & you’ll never know why
You don’t even see me as you walk on by.

  (Woman) In a thousand faces I’ve searched for you 
Looking for love that’s lasting & true
 But all I see are stranger’s faces 
You disappear without leaving your traces. 

I want to live through magic for a while
Dance with the beauty with the dazzling smile
 I want a moment in the final dance
Young Belle, hold me in your trance!

  I’ve dreamt of this night a million times 
I’ve practiced every syllable & every rhyme 
At times I feel some feet on the ground
 But there are only strangers when I turn around! 

What’s this deadly game that you play?
Your smile steals my heart away
Look my way just one time
I’ve waited all my life to call you mine.

Am I dreaming or are you flesh & bone? 
That look was my imagination, I could’ve sworn 
You’re dancing there so carefree 
I can’t believe that you’re smiling at me! 

I’ll deny the world for a dance with you
You’re the brightest rose amongst the chosen few
An amazing beauty walking with such grace
A heavenly goddess from another place.

  Is that affection I see?
 Or is my mind playing tricks on me? 
I can feel some feet on the ground I love this feeling of being held spell-bound! 

How do I present myself to this creature so fair?
There must be something special to invite her near
I want the final dance or I’ll never be content
Give me a chance, just for a moment.

  Handsomer than ever you stand afar 
Fulfillment of a fantasy is what you are 
Surely there haven’t been such intensified charms 
But why are there ever changing partners in your arms? 

So finally you look my way
Your beauty numbs me with nothing to say
I wish I could tell you the way I feel
You must be an angel or something unreal.

  I wanted this moment as I never did before
 Make this dance everlasting & I’d ask for nothing more 
Let it be no one else when the music comes to an end 
I’ll be your partner, your ever cherished friend. 

I’ve waited for this moment as long as I could remember
 A sincere heart & a love so tender
The music will play as long as you dare & this dance will last forever as long as you are there.

Lifting The Curtain

She’s the magician, the hidden beauty, flowing gracefully out of the dark alley with a stream of pale light behind her. She’s cloaked in black with her face hooded & lowered. She steps silently like air. She has no voice. Her throat partially displays an adornment of gold that symbolizes that she can afford luxuries. Every inch of her redefines elegance. Her hands are her only feature allowed to be viewed.
She’s not the dark maiden that she’s mistaken for, by her name. Her fair fingers are long & somewhat pointed at the top. Her long nails are glowing white, untouched by the modern paints. She holds her hand between the fingers & thumb of the other-gently & gracefully like descending fog. She leaves the alley to her black stallion awaiting her with the long, shiny black mane, a creature like her self-sturdy & grand.

She’s gentle, natural & detached possessing the knowledge unshared by others. She knows the world but the world knows her not. . She is a symbol of beauty, elegance& mystery; the keeper of secrets; the holder of mystical powers. She’s the mistress of darkness as she mounts her stallion & rides off into the unknown, softly like the breeze, as quietly as she came. After all she was only half mortal & half shadow!

A Love Story

<>They say that I’m in love & I deny. What do you expect me to do? They really don’t see things through my eyes. Love is bout giving & receiving-one-sided encounters are crushes or the sort. How many is a different situation.

My destiny is still unknown; my path is vague as possible. I don’t know for what I’m headed. I haven’t prepared for anything. I just go with the flow. I don’t even know how I’d get there or for that fact anywhere. I enjoy the encounters & grow with the experience. How could I be in love with anyone or anything in particular?

I’m in love with life & all the creatures of this world. I salute the ground I walk on & seek shelter from the skies. The good things in my life are the rainbow & the inspiring people the stars of the night.

That is my love story.

A few words

Never felt the need to be known
Thought the heart would remain a stone
Oblivious of what anyone would say
A solitary journey would keep me gay.

Life’s little canvas

Toxic blood runs in the veins
The celiac plexuses hold a minor pain
A weak smile to convince that it didn’t matter
Wisdom killed the hope that could shatter.
 Had known the truth all along
Struggled to save it despite being wrong
 Had it been deep, it would’ve felt different inside
In reality only found a place to confide.
 Knew own demands to be too high
So at every corner turned & said goodbye
Aware that none could fulfil the need
So why bother to make the heart bleed?

 Never wanted to be loved the wrong way
Lived by the principles, come what may
Despite it all, was misunderstood over & over again
Life offered nothing from going insane.
Just alittle difficulty in taking a few breaths
Vain it’d be to even call upon death
These prayers were said to be left unheard
Needed no one to encounter the absurd.

Words were all that could convince
Wanted to reach out to no one who’d wince
Would take someone strong to bear the truth
But these eyes would remain searching beyond youth.
The past hazed like water colors spread out
Could never grasp what life was about
Let people live with wrong to avoid the fuss
Gave up today what would be just another blot on the canvas.

Rejected

Angels needed no trouble, The devil had his own’
Thrown into earth to suffer alone
A pitiful creature too abhorrent to lift
Rejected even by death when exhibited as gift.

Within hidden doors

Just another slash to scar the heart
Another excuse to tear the life apart
Just another spin for a second game
In a gamble, nothing stays the same.
 So what if there came a tear in the eye
No one was there to hear the wounded sigh
No ear heard the heart breaking
No one felt the tremors of the earth shaking.
 So easy to hide behind the mask of a smile
A gentle laughter is the simplest way to beguile
Nothing difficult in swallowing the pain for a while
Every living moment becomes a trail.
 Emotions & tears must learn to wait
The situations are only in the hands of fate
Life is a gamble where someone must lose
The why do silly emotions always confuse?
 A joyful cheer & one big smile
Good enough to deceive the world for a while
 The sighs will come after closing the door
Tears can then flow freely as they did before.

Cycle To Death

I wonder why you fail to see that you’ve made your life hell
You know you do wrong-there’s no need to tell
You make a promise & break it each day
You say you’ll be good but don’t change your ways.
 I’m tired of explaining time & time again
You know how hard it’s been
 Despite all that you’re as stubborn as can be
Why do you keep forgetting how you’re losing ground quickly?
 Why must you sin & then attempt murder to hide evidence?
 All that had only lead to decadence
Imagine how good this life could’ve been
But here you’ve only shattered the dreams.
 How can you obtain peace without any pain?
How can you assume to stay forever sane?
Through your struggle you’ve taken a fall
You’re the last hero who can save or kill all.
 I understand that the prolonged fight has left you were
It’s courage from inside that you need to seek
Either win this battle or forever face gloom
Wake up while there’s still time or just enter doom!

Cringing Away

Perhaps the truth should’ve been known
Shouldn’t have trusted a heart that could turn to stone
The best had been leeched out that’s for sure
But it gave no reason to make another life insecure.

 Accepted that tolerated enough & suffered in silence
Instead of rising degree it led to decadence
Patience, love & generosity should’ve filled the sphere
But just fears & cold emptiness abodes there.

 Leaned against the door scared to allow inside
The knock sounded lovely & tempted to confide
 Longed for the right one to erase the pain
But feared it all to end in vain.

 Displayed emotions that actually didn’t exist
Desired to prove strength beyond the fist
Despite the heart falling to crumbles inside
The pretty smile managed to save the pride.

 Insecurities within held back from reaching for the best
 Reason quietly laid the urges to rest
Scarred plenty to allow another slash
Leading the heart & mind to constantly clash.

 The heart yearned for a final try
But the mind refused to allow another cry
The soul needed a companion but the mind condemned to give in
 Holding a generous heart it labeled as a sin.

 It would’ve been easier to leave it all untouched
A sweet taste of it then desired much
When the trust had vanished due to that before
Should’ve never had called one to knock upon the door.

Pleasant View

A thought crossed the mind..... Tickled a smile on the lips.............. It had to be you.

Flitted Emotions

Like Travelling on a road knowing the 'detour' sign ahead we kept moving.
 Like a couple doing a waltz To an abruptly ended song We held onto each other.
 Like a starving mortal awaiting a piece of food I craved for your love.
 Like a drunken man unaware of his situation I tolerated everything from you.
 Like an echo bouncing once then getting lost in the air My words came but went unheard.
 Like a beaten soldier Returning from war I walked away from your doorstep.
 Like ghosts occupying a house After its inhabitants leave Your presence kept me company.
 Like a rose torn petal by petal Then blown by the wind My tortured wait ended in vain.
 Like falling from 90 feet & still undead Your image still lingers in my head.
 Like sustaining silence After the music had ended
My empty life continued.

My writing is like…

Wind-blown sand, You can feel it, Yet you cannot hold, But you will see it when it settles.

Random thought

If you display your weakness they’ll call you weak & mock If you cover & try being strong, they’ll bring you down Its hard being human.

Insomniac

Restless eyes that wouldn't shut all night long Lie awake in pain waiting for dawn A weakened body that no body could see Days of blissful wonder became a memory.

Strange

Kya hai bekarari ye dil jaanay na
Behtay hain ye ashk per aank bhi jaanay na
Howa hai ka khud bunda bhi hai bekhabar
Bus bechani si hai jo samujh mein aye na.

The Dark Face Of Love

That nagging feeling that keeps recurring. A rational thought to chase it away. Voice inside insists "admit it!" No!! Please silence everything! A sigh devoured by the wind. The quiet beating of the heart. Flush on the face but veiled from the eyes. The lovely grin gave away the secret. Such a disappointment to be here. There were such high expectations. A string of dreams-the picture's changed now. Cling to those dreams before they fade.

 This couldn't have happened. Can't be more than an illusion. An induced fantasy after years of brainwashing. But why do these sensations go so deep? An adolescent's fantasy that has no base. The skies wait for u to soar through them. But this bloody human flesh won't commit. It's only familiar with the grave-untaught to fly.

 The traveling road is dark throughout. Look ahead into the pitch, turn back & it's still dark. Emotions are deaf-will never listen, So seal the lips to prevent the words from revealing. So unsure yet wish upon the desire. A desire that'll remain only a vision even if accepted by reality. A solemn need that'll go unattended. Would do no good to pretend either. A pleasant feeling to soar through the clouds, But not-so-pleasant to fall from the sky. Hang on to those dreams that'll carry you through this life, Cause human hearts will only bleed!!

That painted blue

A fragment of a dream gone by
Regretful memories but the eyes are dry
The soul experienced the deepest cut
Now pain wouldn’t let these restless eyes shut.
Regretful memories play of a love untrue
Lie awake thinking the whole night through
Want to cry but for what reason
There’s nothing solid-it was just a changing season..
So many memories & years gone by
Yet the heart refuses to say goodbye
Long to return for just a moment
But it’ll take the same lifetime to make the heart content.
Linger on those dreams & dances
Sunrises on the beach & midnight romances
But dreams like winds will get carried away
Nothing in time will ever stay.
Try to deny that nothing exists
Search for the real existence but it’s all in a mist
The mind’s forgotten what life was about
The reality’s shaken & normal life’s a doubt.
There was forever once where there’s emptiness now
A band of gold & a broken vow
Inexpressive glances which once shown with love
Now stir coldness within, of the dark, stormy skies above.
A torture that’s worse than death
A trail of shattered dreams & broken wreaths
Standing on a road with no return
A jaded existence to kindle the heart that will forever burn.

A frame On the Wall

A picture on the wall hangs as a reminder of the old days. Its presence still raises a questioning eyebrow. It means nothing even though it had been of immense value once. It was the harvest of the hours of tending to the garden of human bonding. It was valuable & with good reason. The smiles on those faces brought a gush of good memories & a sense of companionship & serenity. A treasure too priceless to exchange! Just the reminiscing gave so much strength & the actual presence lifted the spirit to the peak. Such had been those days! Now it hung-perhaps just for recollection of the days gone. Maybe the heart longed for that kind of attachment again. Perhaps it hadn’t been removed & just remained. Maybe there was more to the story than that. Possibly the heart yearned to fill the spaces left behind. It may be trying to extract the last of the comfort the picture or its memories could provide. Maybe the eyes had grown used to the sight & wouldn’t like to displace it. The mind knew that there was nothing left of it yet could find little reason for leaving the picture that had no purpose anymore. Perhaps it was her face & the attractive features that kept it there. There could’ve been so many reasons. Well whatever the reason maybe the picture remains. Our smiling faces still linger in this room stirring the flashbacks from the time we knew the end of our road; but never failed to cherish the shared moments.

For The Love Of Her

Found her heart & held the flame 
Unsure to let it kindle my heart or be the same 
Didn’t know the road love end up on Life was easier to live with indifference & scorn.
 Hurt would come quickly or so I thought
 Left things in fate’s hand so I just forgot 
If she needed she’d call on me 
Otherwise I’d desert it like a forgotten memory.

Swept into illusion

Stabbed the heart to bleed to death
Waited in vain for the final breath
Sprawled near the bars of my prison I lay
But even death wouldn’t take me away.
 Drank till breathless, for the intoxication to kill
But immortality remained a vision never to be fulfilled
Sealed the lips to keep what was left of dignity
Fallen too far, to ever recover from insanity.
 Hoped some light to shine my way
But found no reason to wake at day
Remained on the ground lost in memory
Haze eluded vision making reality too hard to see.
 Sweat my blood to dull the pain
Prayed for the love to end in vain
Wanting to reveal, but scared to tell
Someone called abode, but was too addicted to ever leave hell.
 Bit by bit, I began to die
Angels took too long to hear my cry
Born too stubborn to ever tolerate intrusion
So escaped from reality, to live in illusion.

Damn of dawn

How much more will I bear this pain?
Feels like I’m gonna go insane
Hurt of every minute adds up to years
There’s nothing left to show except these tears.
 Joy once within is now shadowed by sorrow
Nothing will stop the damnation tomorrow
Shed tears or fade the hue
But nothing will come to the rescue.
 Tearful eyes & wavy smiles
Dream that it’s only for a while
Comfort’s only in what you pretend
When reality is only marking the end.

Border of love

Should I glow or should I cry?
 How’d this happen & I wonder why?
How did the laughter touch so deep?
When I’d checked my grounds before making the leap.
 I wanted your friendship & nothing more
So why do you choose another door?
The closer you come the farther
I feel Laughing it all is the only way to conceal.
 The truth will hurt if you found out
That’s what this whole matter about
Your dedication is too much for me to stand
But how can I express the words to make you understand?
 Never wanted love or a thought of pain
I’d crossed those shores but never to remain
There were those gave more than you could
But I turned away the affection for the good.
 It’ll be cruel not to be unkind
Wise men said that love is blind
Emotions are better if they drift away
They trouble the waters & only lead astray.
 I really appreciate your concern & care
But give only as much to play fair
Friendship is all that you’ll ever get
More than this there will only be regret.

The Sinner

Just another few steps & I’ll be out the door-the place that binds us together. I shall walk out from the room that retains the memories of the meetings-the sacred moments of joy & the soul-wrenching tears of pain. The laughter that’s buried within the walls shall remain & there shall remain the secret of our passionate sins. I hear those voices call from behind me, but I carry along my path. It took ages to summon the courage to attempt this, must not fail this time. Yet they continue. Images from the unburied times sweep in front of me like wind-blown dust to persuade me to return. I watch them plead, without mercy. I must not listen & keep walking. I can feel my heart broken into bits but I’ll tend to it later. My head’s heavy with the swirling memories. The old days surround me as though I was strolling through an exhibition. I shake my head to push them away. The dark concrete walls were now damp & cold. Perhaps it was my mind set! I knew beyond myself there was someone anxiously watching me as I walked. I know he’d miss my presence as much as I. I know his insides were shattered as much as mine. I know he’d too much pride to ask me to stay. Perhaps it was my imagination that he felt that way! I wanted to turn around but I knew I shouldn’t. I knew it’d be hard for me to try again. These walls & everything in it, gave me a sense of completion that I’d been missing before. I was nothing & within these walls I’d grown & learnt the meaning of giving & receiving love-the love that made me whole. I found the shoulder that gave me peace & shelter. I thought that I would always belong. Those days of loving were past. Another wind had begun to blow & I needed to change direction with it. I needed to be carried to the lands where it would take me. I had sinned enough. I had to return to the claws of my conscience for salvation. I needed to be baptized. No one could save me…I had sinned!

Trampling over the past

He puffed a cloud of smoke in the air
Another bombshell to lay the pastures bare
A whirlpool of memories turned to smoke
Easing a heart that would otherwise choke.

 Not just love but more was lost
A delightful life had been the cost
A big price to pay for nothing in return
Now in that only hellish fires burn.

 He goes into a retrospect of a decade
Analyzing what had caused the love to fade
Once a world was now ash in the hand &
Destiny’s labyrinth was too complex to understand.

 He sighed & folded his arms across the chest
The heart pounded too fast to rest
Too many regrets for such a short while
Took away all that could stir a smile.

 He wanted to forgive & just move on
But when were the dead ever reborn?
What was lost was gone for good
Happiness fled, stranding him where he stood.

 He looked out the window to wish upon a star
In the hearts of heart he wished joy wasn’t far
He didn’t believe in retrieving what was gone
Just needed a fresh start to simply move on.

 He knew time hadn’t been a friend
Left too many breaks for him to mend
He knew he’d boarded the nowhere train
& now needed a life before going insane.

Memories of yesterday

At times I wonder were you the only one for me? Were you the only one to cherish the person I was to be? The first & last person to love me for who I am? & never give up on me even if my life was a sham? At times I feel that I did wrong To resist a love that felt so strong But I know if given another chance I’d do the same I can’t ever learn the rules of this game. Sometimes I miss the life we left behind I know you were the best companion I’d ever find The one who knew best how I feel & for my sake put in so much zeal. At times I miss all the love & laughter All that happened before & what came after Was it really the last goodbye? Or will we be given another try? I want you to know that I love you & that I was always true Though these emotions I’d never be able to tell I want you to know that I sure miss you like hell!

For the Dream keepers

Friendship is a gift more precious than gold It continues to glitter no matter how old When home seems to be far Friendship comes as a shining star When the road is dark & hard to understand The miles become easier with a hand in hand When sorrow fills the brand new day The hand of a friend wipes the tears away In good times there are loads of smiles But the smile of friendship is the best of smiles.

A Letter beside the Dying Amber

In the light of the amber that’s dying
There’s a letter written in ink that’s drying
Inked words that have no meaning
Words the heart wants to continue believing.
 Beside the dying amber there’s a pen that lies
The writer thinks of good words as he sighs
Words are always kind but they aren’t real
There are a dozen good wishes but it’s not the way he feels.
 Statements & kind words only become hollow with time
But lying to keep someone’s heart isn’t a crime!
Fill up pages speaking of love & care
 What really matters upon the unfolding you won’t be there!
 A letter will always be no matter how untrue
Fill it up with “best wishes” & “I love you” s
 As long as no one’s hurt it’s okay to pretend
After all anything’s worth keeping an old friend!

The Journey

I’m making myself the prisoner of life. I’m digging my own grave still walking on its earth. I’ve walked out on those who loved me since long & I’m leaving behind the last of the ones who do. I’m sailing into the darkest winds, beyond the sight of humans so no one will ever find me. I’ve begun to detest life & all that comes with it. I want to break free from the ties of flesh & blood & perhaps become immortal. I have journeyed far, away from these sands of Earth. I have toured different skies & seas & ridden on winged horses. I have traveled really far & my memory retains the stories. I have danced on the spray of the water & I have hummed to the sound of the dripping spring. Hear their voices call from within the caves in the mountains. They sound so lovely. I have raced with the wind in the fields & I’ve tumbled with the flowers in the grass. I’ve caressed the silk of beauty & strengthened with the falling dew. I saw the boats I once rowed down one of the rivers. It crossed the land of the fairies & they’d greeted me as I sailed. I heard the buttercups too & I joined the elves in their games. It was so sweet. I visited the honeybee’s hive & the queen honored me with the gift of their precious gold. The finest honey I’d ever tasted. The king of Rocks saw me & took me on a tour of the treasures underground. I walked through miles of gold & gems-the kind I’d never seen in my whole life. He offered me a souvenir but I refused, expressing much gratitude. As I returned from my journey it seemed to be a different place. I’ve watched the sun set behind the ocean while standing atop the rocks. I saw flashes of the hourglass: I’ve watched its sands slipping. I hoped that it was just a nightmare, as I watched the light extinguish & darkness spread across to blacken out the sea & its shore. I wished to drift away with the tides or the wind but I opened my eyes to find my own prison-an unfulfilled wish that led me to seek my grave on land. It was a soil that didn’t bear my name. I drag the chains I’m tied in wherever I go. I walk away from all that’s familiar in hope to get lost within crowds where no one will know me & be led into the unknown to perhaps find a life again.

Living To achieve

“It’s only the thrill of the chase” she said unmoved by emotion. It seems like she’d gotten used to living like that. She seemed not to care about anything. It was easy for her to simply shrug off everything. She needed no interference in her life. She liked keeping her life clear of troubles, especially of other people. To her it seemed easy to find company & should some of the acquaintances become burdensome, she moved away to let them pass.
“There are others who can take care of them” she thought. She knew she was right. For her the only thing that mattered was her achievement. She wanted to aspire & would use any possible ladder to get there; not that she used people but knew how to work hard. It was simple for her to love & if she found good people she liked chasing them but attached no strings. She couldn’t bear the thought of being tied. She loved her freedom like a dying man loves life. Her fantasies consisted of blowing winds, standing on top of mountains & clear seas. She was in love with nature & nothing else. She wanted only that.

There was such a vast world & she wanted to be part of everything. She wanted to live away from everyone. There were better things to do. There was more life out there than hanging on to anyone or anything. She was too impatient & got bored by routine. She was restless & needed change constantly which made her pursue something new every time; that could be any person or even a subject or place. She wanted excitement & adventure so she picked up people-on-the-go. It became kind of a habit then. Perhaps it was her past that made her like that. The people she’d tried holding on to, deserted her, so she learnt to live. Or maybe it was another learning experience she subjected herself to.

She needed to survive & wanted to be prepared the best. They taught her well anyhow. She was a good learner. No one would’ve thought that she’d go this far, but then no one gave guarantees for life anyways. She wanted to turn hard. She’d planned on it. She wanted to care about no one. She wanted the love in her to die. She knew she would make it hard for others but then she made life easy for herself. She was strong enough to survive on her own. She knew that well. Others weren’t her concern. The world could find other means to survive. There was life for everyone who wished to seek it. She had her own to live.

The Bermuda In Us

I suppose there’s a part in all of us where emotions lose their effect. There’s a steely surface where the greatest tragedy hits & disappears like something over the Bermuda Triangle; just vanishes without a trace. It goes beyond sight into a region where there’s no chance of discovery again. Such are we, that we deny that there’s another feeling beyond ours. The mortal pain we so often come across becomes numb. Everything that we’d like for ourselves we fail to give to another. The fires that burn inside us too, we comprehend, yet not care. Even throw holy water & it’ll turn to steam & float away.

Consider the simile of the Bermuda triangle where the greatest of vessels quietly vanish from the surface of the earth: no one to state where they end up & those capable of relating the stories cease to exist. Such is bitterness. The body where it abodes, it dulls! The eyes see, the heart feels, the mind understands yet it doesn’t matter. The hatred flaming inside doesn’t allow a change for the better. It’ll prod to be unleashed & destroy but not heal. There may be some remnants in a good heart to extent himself for the sake of another but it won’t permit. It’ll take over & kill the senses that feel something. It cannot bear the thought of saving another’s soul. “Let them die” you hear it call from within. “Don’t care” it tells you. “Turn & walk away” comes the last command.

You obey, as you were meant to follow. A common outcome we all are aware of. We know what it is like, because we’ve been in both the situations. We’ve resented as well as been despised. We’ve all faced situations when we need someone around yet search in vain. Even warm hearts at times can grow cold. The truest of hearts tire of beating for the love unreturned: only to wake one morning & find their insides like frost over a doused candle. There takes over an emptiness that never lived before-a sensation like death within & nothing subsisting anymore. The once wet eyes dried & cold continue the remains of the journey. They see all that pain inside another & simply turn away. Just shrug it off. No one bothered to save them & they’ve come far. They say to let others find their own way out. The strongest of them will survive; for the others ‘Que sera sera’(what will be will be).

TO...

Another night without you
My heart has grown cold since you’ve been gone
Misery has befriended me
Only silence tortures my weary ears & images of you torment my idle sleep.
 Your smile still lights up the dark
Your laughter echoes in this empty room
Your image replays your footsteps & the scent of your perfume still remains, enkindling the pain.
 This room has become cold in your absence & not even the fires of hell can warm it
Just the thought of your touch arouses me
Just the contemplation of your eyes soothe me
Just the perception of your face comforts me
But I know these fancies are delusive
 Death is better than this misery
It is greater than these sleepless nights
 Preferable than this ill-fated romance
And much healthier than this wretched life.

The last petal

How to relate the words that torment within? What term would define the kind of life it’s been? What to do when the living the loved ones take away? Unaware they extinguish the light from the day. Lips don’t speak for it’s a matter of the heart Better to hold the throe than to drift apart Time would fare only to eat at the core Unfortunately the price of deception is always more. Stand ashore hoping the winds to carry away the pain Grey clouds came but brought no rain Counted on nature but received no solace & so it became another step to fall from grace. Unwritten messages choked the air Utterances could’ve conveyed but the heart couldn’t bear A little light in the tunnel that too faded with time With time, the dying melody completely lost its rhyme. Like to the dead the sun gave no warmth Carved a thousand smiles but dwelled without a soul Prayed for peace & Heaven granted a place The spirit lifted & left a petal as its trace.

Born Alittle Different

Lie to me that there’s going to be life for me irrespective of whatever happens. Tell me that this is an easy road no matter what the path may hold. I’m tired of believing in my own lies that there’s hope even if keeping my expectations low. You tell me that I dream & compliment my writing style. I’d only answer that that is all the treasure I have. I wish you knew how it felt to not be like all the others. You can’t even conjure the pain of not being able to get the things that hold the greatest meaning in life. Try & imagine it-but you won’t be able to. I dream of what others can’t even think & that is my problem. I reach for places in hope to get there but anticipate little. I know I’m foolish but then the situation would’ve been different if those around me could see what I was living for. It would’ve all been possible. I know that it’s easier said than done.

 Once upon a time everything seemed achievable. Fantasy was more real than reality itself. There were hopes. There were loads of prospects. Things were simpler than. There seemed to be ample time to do everything. Somehow time aged too soon. Sands slipped by too fast to gather. Where were we then? Why is it that ‘one day’ was a long time then & now appears that it’s already gone without even showing up? Why when we were reaching the skies then, are we digging the grounds now? Were we so foolish to think that what was beyond our sight then, would be accessible later? Why were we so imprudent to fix our eyes on what we wanted rather than turn around & see a different picture? Had we been forced to think the way others think back then, accepting rules would’ve been easier. Had we shared the same dreams we could’ve been happier today. We wouldn’t be asking for what no one else would’ve demanded. We’d have considered good what you consider well; than to come up with rules & thoughts of our own. It would’ve solved so many misunderstandings. That thing that you contemplate as a string of roses, I wouldn’t have thought as chains around my feet. That is what wasn’t expected 2 decades ago when I came in this world. You didn’t know I’d grow to be like this. You thought that I would automatically follow you just the way the rest of the world follows what’s been going on since years. I wasn’t supposed to mature as a rebel to the society or the traditions & cultures. I never knew that there was a world that held beliefs not-like-mine. I thought we were the same. And even if we weren’t I believed that we could be free & we’d learn from each other & this world would be a pleasant place. Damnation of innocence! I didn’t know that I carving Hell for myself!

 You wouldn’t know the tears that I shed for the price I’d to pay. You can’t even think of the path I’ve journeyed. You don’t see those lands because you’re blinded by the precedents. You hear no voices beyond humans because your soul’s been slaved to the world & its associates. The only colors you see are those that have been printed by another. You see nothing else. You know no other way to communicate than with those around you. But stand in my shoes & tell me that you’ve seen this all before. Convince me that there’s another being who longs for what I crave. I await those tidings. I know that I wait in vain. I know that I’m here alone & will always be the only one. I know those shoes fit none but me.
I’m not Cinderella whose prince will rescue her. There is no prince for me. These God forsaken walls are all the life I expect to live. You read but you still can’t comprehend. These words are written with the blood of my heart, but for you it’s typing on a page. Each word is soaked with the tears from my eyes but for you it’s the same old text. You only see what your eyes want to see. You don’t understand but it’s not your fault. The only culprit is me. I’m the only dreamer & I alone suffer. No one else deserves the imprisonment for the crime that I’ve committed on my own. Maybe if you saved me earlier I might’ve been different. I wish I was like all the others if that was what could’ve granted peace. It would’ve been worth being just another face in the crowd.

 Could you blame me if I’m giving up on life? I learnt now what I should’ve known earlier. There’s no hope for me. I sing songs to condole the death of my broken dreams. I keep convincing myself that there is life beyond; despite the walls I’m entrapped within. I seek mortal excuses to claim immortality but this body refuses to obey my commands. I knew there would come a day that I would stand ashore & would hit upon my reflection as a stranger to myself. I knew I wouldn’t be the person I’d kept the image of, all those childhood years. Why do you hold it against me when I say I’m a loner? Look around & see that there is no one like me in this place. Do you blame me for preferring my own company than to that of people? It’s when no one seems to fulfill my needs that I have to find another town to escape to. I want to be who I am. But why is it that no one understands even that? Once if there were little expectations, we still had hope that brought us far. Today we have neither: no dreams, no expectations, no hope…nothing. Not even the will. There seems to be no purpose for waking each morning only to lose another part of what once used to be. Seems simpler to await death than to dare fantasize again or live like a zombie. I can’t pretend to be happy when my world falls before my own eyes. I can’t bear the pain to watch it crumble to pieces what had been my rock to stand on all those years. How could I let go of what had given me strength & brought me so far? I’ll need to retrace my steps on the path I crossed to find my smile again. These walls will only kill what remains of a good soul. These feet knew to fly but forgot when they started looming these earthly grounds. They’re still young & capable of relearning what they knew once. Lie & tell me that I’ll be alright. Say that I’ve done well over these years & could turn out to be what I’d always dreamt of. Tell me that I have a bright future. I haven’t lost sight of these boundaries but try & make me see beyond them. I’m afraid to do it alone now. I might fail. Help me see my old world then kindly break my ties with this one. Set my soul free & I shall bless thee as the last breath gets carried by the wind…

Daydreamer

Please be kind & allow me to fool myself for once. Let me pretend that anything you do has no effect on me. Let me indulge in the illusion that I have all the pieces of my life planned & perfected. I’ll imagine that everything I want would be totally under my control. Allow me to think that I’m more capable than I am. I love you more than I’d like to believe. I dream more than I’d like to admit. I’m more naïve than I’d like to accept. I pretend that I’m insensitive when I’m really not. My idealizations are what keep me alive. I believe I’m practical even if I’m not. At least in my mind I can get everything I could ever desire. I can fool myself that my whole life is exactly how I’d like it to be. That is what keeps me happy & going. If I could convince myself that I have all that I ever asked for & am satisfied, so I can be that. Even if my life is a sham & pieces of a broken picture, I could still carry on. I’d smile through the water raised in the eyes, pretending that it’s a glass film beyond which is my wonderland that’s just blurred. If I ignore the reality for my benefit don’t pull me back. Allow me to remain in the reverie of pleasure. Imagination is such a blessing. It’s great to be able to achieve anything & everything that would otherwise seem so impossible & that too without effort. What more could one ask for if we could spend the whole life drifting in blissful dreams without a care in this world?

The Devil’s Dance

Tear the earth into a thousand pieces
Stab the heart till the last beat ceases
Dry up even the last pint of every ocean
But nothing will change this burning emotion.

Settled with love till played with fire
Then burning became the only desire
Experienced hurt then a restless heart
Then wished those feelings would never depart.

Ever heard of the devil falling in love?
That feeling’s attributed to only celestial beings above
The Satan is true to himself alone
Fire will melt what’s only flesh & bone.

Younger years taught how to cry
But the fire drank till the eyes were dry
The heat & hurt tried to intimidate
But I’d asked the fire to become my fate.

Experience of the first burn then wanted till the last
When wanted to turn around, time moved too fast
The first look at the player of fire had me entranced
Then nothing seemed more exciting than the devil’s dance.

Chain these legs & tie these arms
Blind the eyes but he won’t lose his charm
For him I’ll be till the last breath
Only his fire will give an honorable death.

The fire’s hurt is the sweetest pain
Enticing the devil ended in vain
He wasn’t the one to take a fall
I surrendered to burn my body & all.

Contented was the heart with each painful infliction
The devilish charms were a sweet addiction
Knew that the skies would never be blue again
But his fiery magic bid me to remain.

Too blinded by love to mind the pain
Fire was a passion too wonderful to abstain
Then what was peace compared to this life
When I’d vowed to become the devil’s wife.

Stab the heart or body a thousand times
But I’ve lived the moment meant to be mine
Nothing matters-not rain nor storms
The passion of fire will keep me warm.

Burn the moon or put out the sun
Nothing will cause this feeling to come undone
The mountains can tumble & even when the stars wont shine
My heart will belong to the devil for eternal time.

Peace & sleep hold no charm
Wanted a dance in the devil’s arms
Games of fire have made me insane
Now want to burn in it till nothing remains!

Death Of A Dream

It was a dream that felt so real
Arousing immaculate emotions so hard to conceal
There was invincibility in innocence
Now the hour glass has faded leaving only pretense.
 Remnants of sand will slip too soon
Then raise the eyelids to find it’s noon
The crystal ball shows nothing of what the future should’ve been & denying the truth is such a sin.
 Like a knife, its flesh sears
Invisible to the mortal eye the whirlpool appears
Here’re stone eyes where visions don’t exist
The decks & halls are only one’s mists.
 Dead ears where sound & silence is the same
It’s not the ears but the heart is to blame
Innocence is foolish to create wonderlands
To forget that Destiny is only in Fate’s hand.
 & like a dream the fantasy will die
The ocean will swell to wave it goodbye
Prayer of another would be granted it seems
 But for me, it’ll just be the death of a dream.

Clinging to a memory

Holding onto you feels like I’m holding on to a memory
 Believing in something the eyes can’t see 
Talking to myself, pretending that you are there
 Like a foolish child, despite being much aware. 
 Why do I hold on only to be hurt? 
Chase u like a puppy, just to be kicked into dirt! 
Faithful like the shore I continue to wait 
Idly believe in changing the obvious fate. 
 I love u still, or so I believe, My world will turn cold if u ever leave 
These illusions I create to have something to hold onto 
Setting myself for heartbreak by loving what isn’t true!

Lingering on love

One last tear for the beloved
 One last time before closing the book 
Would love to hold on, despite vain But the picture of reality’s changing. 
 One last prayer for happiness 
The last nurturing of the garden of memories 
Fostered with devotion, all that will tomorrow die 
One last turn to whisper goodbye. 
 These feet would tread those grounds no more 
Chained they will be the day after 
These arms would reach out no more 
Clasped with hands, that won’t be yours. 
 One last sigh for the fading dream 
Wish that time would learn to wait 
Should’ve been strong in resisting love 
Would’ve been spared the wounds that now won’t heal. 
 The last whisper to bid childhood goodbye 
One last wish to hold your hand 
These memories will tomorrow be buried 
Along with the dreams I depicted of you. 
 Cry me a tear, to pretend that it mattered to you 
Bid farewell like you’ll miss me, as I leave 
One last time, for my stay is short & as I commit to someone else, I’ll set you free.

End Of The Love Reign

You were not for me. Just like no one ever had been. It wasn’t like it was beyond expectation nevertheless it should’ve been painful. Perhaps it sounds far-fetched but it’s the truth. What’s hurt when it becomes a part of life? It’s not a new addition that would bring a change. Being a norm, anything coming is easy to tolerate. What’s disappointment? Please remind me the feeling that I’ve forgotten since some time. You’re gone, so what? Your presence did not make nor left any change. Could it be that after all this time I’ve grown cold? Or is that disposition due to the fact that you put in very little to what we shared? Well in either case it made no difference. It’s good that you didn’t bother much. Why to sacrifice for anyone when everyone’s only working for themselves? I’m glad you did too. There are fools like me who vent their wasted emotions into sordid writings llike this, but we feel & we care. Only to mope for them in the end & pour our resentment filled hearts into worthless tears. We're the ones hugging our pillows at night, praying for dawn to come early. We're the ones whose waits don't end. we're the ones providing the warmt only to end up shivering in the cold. Thats the price we pay for being emotional! What’s love anyways? When there are other things in this world why to run after what’s so intangible & inconsistent? There’s money & land to fight for. Why stand around to hold a person’s hand when you could be in the spot-light? Who’d bother about feelings when there’s power to struggle for? Why to care about other people once you’re getting your stomachs filled & the pockets? Why to raise the voice & disrupt our own chances for the sake of societies? Why to take all the trouble? Why care about anyone besides the self? Evidently everyone’s doing the job for themselves alone. All the good love’s gone. Hatred rules the heart now. Those fires keep it warm & going. What’s there to love in this dirty little world? The only love we know is for ourselves. We seek people only for our carnal desires. We use them & throw them like tissue papers. We’re lustful creatures craving power & status & we’ve forgotten the things that had some value. We’ve forgotten the purpose of our creation. We only run after things that’ll earn us glory & fortune. We’ve taken down walls & shed blood of millions in the name of glory. Then we claim to be humans! No matter how much we deny that’s the truth. Had that not been the reason, we’ve all been living quiet lives, unconcerned about what others did-whether that concerns the man-woman affairs or the affairs of the nations. There’s little room for love when we’ve built castles & fortresses out of antipathy. We’ve divided nations so what’s so big about breaking individuals? Hearts are even smaller entities than that. Teach those foolish souls to forget kindness & good deeds. Tell them to seek pleasure from worldly desires. Most of the people have forgotten what loving was about. There is no future for those who love. Tell them to turn cold. Teach them the art of survival without conscience; those who wish to exist will learn. There’s no place for the others. It’s a cruel world. When you can’t beat them, join them!