Being in the medical field, we're used to seeing the tear filled faces & people sitting outside the ICUs with thier rosaries for those inside.The ambulance sirens & the running staff had been rountine. It had barely ever been moving with the stress we're daily exposed to. Everyone's trying to get along with their own lives so we let those handling the matters to them only.
The other day my uncle had a stroke. I checked his blood pressure & it was really high. I popped some pills in his mouth that I had on hand so by the time we got to the hospital it had lowered but still high. Due to the emergency numbers being busy & lack of people at home the event worsened. It had been 3hours before we got him the right care.Sitting next to him in the ambulance I watched for a constant movement. The distances seemed to never end. The traffic was taking too long. There weren't enough personnel around for help. All the relative things that happen when you want to rush. I constantly wondered if I'd had my last moments with him in that time. It was a serious one (in one of those long Unpronounceable places that I'll skip for u). There was immediate surgery & he was into rehabilitation. No one wanted to assume anything. No one wanted to give scary warnings. Good I thought. We'll see watever happens when it comes by.
The moral of the story is that it's easy to take other people's sickness more easily than that of a loved one. We somehow believe that while someone still walks they're eternal. We forget the delicate thread that this life is bounded by. It's one tiny snap & all is gone.
Today its a relative, tomorrow it could be those closer.I'd not have thought of it till this reality struck me. Cherish those around you.Give them some time to let them know that you care.You never know which words could be the last exchanged. When all is said & done, deep down you'd not live with that regret that 'I could've done more.'
Recaptured the heart that had tried to forget
The love in vain.
The suppressed emotions resurfaced
Hope came to life
The wait started again
& It would continue...
The torment would return
The cycle would carry on
She would continue paying...
The price of the accidental meeting.
Arena(known to self and others) independent, knowledgeable, logical, mature, observant | Blind Spot(known only to others) able, adaptable, bold, brave, calm, caring, clever, complex, confident, dignified, energetic, friendly, giving, idealistic, intelligent, loving, modest, reflective, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, shy, sympathetic, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty |
Façade(known only to self) organised | Unknown(known to nobody) accepting, cheerful, dependable, extroverted, happy, helpful, ingenious, introverted, kind, nervous, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, relaxed, religious, responsive, silly, spontaneous, tense |
able (20%) accepting (0%) adaptable (6%) bold (20%) brave (6%) calm (6%) caring (13%) cheerful (0%) clever (6%) complex (20%) confident (20%) dependable (0%) dignified (13%) energetic (6%) extroverted (0%) friendly (6%) giving (20%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (13%) independent (20%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (40%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (20%) logical (6%) loving (33%) mature (20%) modest (6%) nervous (0%) observant (13%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (20%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (6%) self-assertive (13%) self-conscious (6%) sensible (13%) sentimental (26%) shy (13%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (6%) tense (0%) trustworthy (26%) warm (33%) wise (6%) witty (20%)
There are those such as I, who since the last 15years have been trying to find the meaning of life. Born with a silver spoon in the mouth, good family, great friends, good education, ample oppurtunities to grow and discover various things in life,I am as clueless as I was 20years ago. I've dug up religion. I've delved into the psyche of the human minds & read a great many books on philisophy but never to recieve an answer to the question.
People claim to have found their way. We aren't in the position to be skeptical. They are those who have found a passion or if nothing else 'contentment' in their lives.
I wasn't given the oppurtunity to live to do what my neighbor's doing or even what my brother or mother wanted to. The whole idea is that we all were created for a different purpose. Some people are there to serve others & some are there to be served. It's the way Nature has created us. It wasn't to us to question 'why humans eat the chicken & the chicken don't eat humans?' Somethings just "are".
Somethings that 'are' for some are just not for others. As the saying goes "one man's spinach is another man's poison". This makes it harder for each of us to open a different goody bag & make sense of it.
The 'meaning of life' doesn't span contentment. It's just that contentment is a playing factor in it. I talk in broad terms.
"why was life created?" The older I get the more worthless things appear. It seems that there is very little to do. Everywhere its the same thing & it surmounts to nothing valuable. I don't know what people chase. Perhaps to the man on the street, money will be of the greatest importance & to the woman without children, having a child would make life worthwhile. Aren't these materialistic things? Haven't all the religions taught to rise above them? These are the things we can't live without or have to do without but its just that "there's gotta be more to life!" Career, family, money & love can't be the beginning and the end, or are they?
Another year gone by-time flies... perhaps memory makes us feel that way.
As far as I am Concerned this year has been of many emotional see-saws.
2005 was not exactly predicted to be a good year for me in the first place. In fact an occultist said that it would be a year of ‘no progress’ & it turned out to be true.
Despite the overall stickiness of the situation I would say that this has been a year of great emotional wealth.
There comes a point in your life when you have to take a stand for self-preservation & eradicate all the visible thorns from rending you further than they had been over the years. I wouldn’t call it ‘awakening’ because aware I had always been.
<>But this year I went through the kind of emotional turmoil that I couldn’t have even imagined-reached the peak, hit the trough then rose again. From that experience & those before it, I have found contentment in my life that I had been lacking in, until now. I have broken the chains that kept me from loving with an open heart. I no longer care for pretentious affection.I have learnt that the person I see in the mirror is me & I dare not change my perspective about that person according to stupid opinions of others. I have found the truth & can proudly stand for my values regardless of anything.
<>Another lesson I learnt this year is that truth always stands out. I no longer feel the need to please people only so that they may stay. They taught me the difference between fair-weather & foul-weather friends. Letting truth decide the fate, also showed me the real faces of those I thought were well-wishers. It was a mask they wore.
And the fact that my family would be the only support to me became more evident in the evaluation. I was born lucky.
Secondly I realized that it isn’t worth chasing someone who has no intentions of reciprocating. It’s only a matter of heartache on the long run.
<>Also “opposites don’t attract!” That is only in physics. Human relations are worst in that category resulting in lifelong scarring. Human bonding works on homeopathy principle:“Like attracts like.”
Conclusion came that those who really love you will stand by you irrespective of moods or outside influences. Otherwise they aren’t worth in the first place!
Casting people aside, this has also been a depressing year on a personal growth margin. There were more teary days than those that had ever been over the years combined. Had to face the NOT-SO-ME person too & well…accept it. Circumstances like that turned up to cause distress. Fortunately it all passed.
Academically I see no great difference but hopefully from next week.
Physically, hmm…have to admit bout the realization of the fact that I have been gifted in this area without having to work for it. Praise the Lord!
Financially this had been a year of expenses. That was also because of a robbery late in the year that fell heavy on the budget.
Overall, especially the last few months went active. It was the time to settle with growing relationships in the family & how to manage them-another lesson in the emotional field.
Last but not the least; I learnt the power of blogging & the blessing of having good readers. I thought I would never get this chance. But I discovered that there are small worlds within our world & the things that give the greatest pleasure are common to us all.
I found good friends & great confidantes who further richen my emotional life. Love u all.
Happy new year everybody!!!
