Dark Obsession

Here I am, ready to give all I have for that moment of oneness with you.  My insecurities behind me, I am prepared to take the sacred journey into the realm of emotions.  Knock down my fortress with your passionate weaponry then undress yourself of this useless armor.  It only serves to hide our immaculacy. Let us lose every ounce of humanness & surrender without a doubt.

I want to abandon this absurd world & indulge in your mysterious crux.  I want to dance till I'm intoxicated with temptation. Let me feel you till every pore emanates your fragrance. I want to hold you against my soul. I will heal, protect & melt into your formless mold filling every inch with spiritual ecstasy.  Let the rupture of seduction rhythm us through the motions.  Drown your worries into my passion & be born anew, my fearless warrior.  Reveal to me your darkest secrets & revel in your magnificence. I care for nothing but to stand unafraid & unashamed in this glorious flame of romance.

Avert those alluring eyes from the insanity of the mundane life. Let’s escape into a world where bodies, beats & breaths have no existence.  Let not our relationship be measured by name, time or distance. Allow the ocean of our sensations subjugate any restriction between us.  I am love & you are the object of my affection.  Be in no hurry, I want to relish you till I’m drunk. This insatiable hunger is like an addict's craving & your drug is just not enough.

Dread not the shadows world for the light will shine for us. There shall exist nothing but You & I in absolute perfection.  Rekindle this devotion for all life-times to come.  Let no tide break us apart, not even death.  With its kiss shall we begin our inseparable union.

Fill me till my existence merges into yours & there is nothing but our souls dancing into infinity. Live in me while I live in you. Relent all reason & just be my Obsession.

Undesirable

I am lost on these familiar roads of life
Homeless under the provided shelter
Loveless & forsaken by those called humans
Demons dragged me down under
& I lost track of the way back
Dark, now my chosen abode
Chains, the only faithful friends
My mind occupied with obscene desires
The body impregnated with sins
Only faithless hands lift in senseless prayers
The being's coming to life.

The mirror shattered in punishment for it's lies
A woman could not be a psychotic beast
This inhuman form is a delusion of a failing vengeance
Arms barren but hands hold the crop of spite
Love was a doom set for the naive
I prefer this madness to insipidity
It's a losing war to Satan
Won't call upon God tonight, to witness myself surrender
So come now Death, the soul awaits release from this cripple!

Spiritual Freedom

Speak to me without talking
Let your wounds bleed over my skin
Fear not your fears
I will carry you through the dark
Pretend no strength
I will shelter you from harm.

Let the truth in you connect to my spirit for release
Unburden your sorrows onto my restless heart
Don't leave me empty like you usually do
Merge into my very essence
I crave to taste your soul tonight.

Death

You walk by my side without invitation
You silence me by the power of your presence
You are the master of the shadows
Your guises scaring the strongest of hearts
You hold immortality & still I'm afraid to look you in the face
You, the weight that hush these lips
You, the secret I carry alone
You, the fearless fear
You, the living's worst nightmare
You, the ultimate truth
You, the door-keeper of destiny
You, the extinguisher of life
You, the carver of my journey
You, my partner of darkness
You, my inevitable Fate.

Pure beginnings

What comfort do you seek from this material world, mortal?
There is no peace in the perishable.
All that is finite can turn into void
So become the void & merge with the Infinite!

Immortality

The mind scoffs the persistence of foolishness beyond maturity. Wasted youth on dreams of glamor led to the nothingness I hold today. Those perils that I endured for the heartache now linger like scars around my failing knees.This world though beautiful stands empty unshared. This soul suffers loneliness. Still I expect peace from those who know it not, these sufferable humans. This looming fear exchanged for love is the last of the flame that once burnt. Composed poems now like scrap circle with the blowing wind . Time dried the fountain of words that rushed the heart & laid it barren.
 Silence these beats now, deafened ears can't hear no more. Play those senseless games because the drunk can set no rules. Erase those dreams then eternally seal the passionate heart; with love on it's deathbed mortality is about to die!

Moonlight Madness

I stroll down the barren paths bathed in moonlight with the wintry breeze ablow. Thoughts of you fill my mind with their gentle madness intoxicating my senses to calm. You do not exist but I surrendered my soul to your mortal emptiness & alas I still linger onto those imaginary pieces of you.  

The Healer

My heart is like an ocean that has washed a dozen shores. It ebbs, recedes & roars within its own majesty.  It has drowned the pains of many & tumbled back in itself to immaculacy. It is the healer that regenerates perpetually flowing over the seared flesh leaving it anew. It buries within treasures awaiting discovery-the secrets for nourishment of the soul & the meaning to life-the answers of creation comprising of you & me & all that makes us one. Rejoice the essence of life, in a world within & above us. Come, I want to meet you there. 

The Winner stands alone

Standing at the cliff of relationship mount watching the last ones fall off. There's a whiff of Sadness as the mask of pretense melts away. There's no one left to face anymore.
It's death of naivety as the adult emerges. No gamers left to play the chances of love. Time to dance alone to those composed tunes & turn into thy own song. The soul has found ultimate freedom & wonders fill the heart with glorious light. I have perfected the art of winning the game & losing the people.

The last attachment

I pull on my cloak of silence letting the cold loneliness steal away the smiles that danced around my face with a muse to entertain. I allow my heart to break one last time before turning my back on hope of ever being together again. I let you fly, free as you’ve always been, only captivated prisoner by a heart allured by your beauty. I allow darkness to creep between the life & death I experience within this breathing body. I let the fire of my anguish burn your memories to ashes & wish the wind to carry the last of my lovers away. 

Self-actualisation

We  resist achieving our full potentials out of a fear of falling into our depths & finding something ugly there; We struggle enough to stay sane with our social identities already.

Wrong place to land

What brings you to this place?
There's nothing but emptiness here. . . 

Inkling #1

There's a thin line between genius & insanity. I often wonder which side I fall on.

Volatile Splendor

I am black. I am white

I'm the dark & the purest of light
Discover splendors of the world within my little heart
Savor the sweet tenderness in the words of art

I am mystery with all it's depth
Dare not question the corners I've crept
I'll ease your pain with a touch of my hand
Talk without words & I'll understand

Give me your heart strings & let me play

Allow my emotions to sweep you away

Close your eyes & hold me close
Cherish the fantasy as you rise to find yourself alone. 

Ultimate love story

Life is a series of love stories-learning self-love through every occurring change. 

The Comfortable turbulence

A light of hope yet another closure.

Why the necessity to FEEL again when the outcome never changes?

A burnt out hole to bleed forever more.

Can’t hold on. Can’t let go.

Again the darkness

Again the silence

Would this pain never cease?

Won’t this cycle ever stop?

Just stop.

Leave the ocean to regulate it’s own tides

Turbulence finally feels like home. 

Into the Fade

This is the end-a post to mark that you existed within the lines of this page once. You no longer linger in the realms of my mind. Reality has uncrowned you for good. Goodbye dear perfect dream. You slowly seeped through the walls of my heart, had a long meaningless stay then crept into The Fade. You are finally dead. R.I.P

Emotional Encounter

Another love sick fool dreaming of a romance that never existed beyond the mind. Don't laden your eyes with the burdens of a restless heart.There is nothing but absurd writing here. You too stranger, don't be hassled by the pains of a dreamer's imagination. It was not your fault that the heart skipped a beat when you crossed. Take no blame for the bitterness of a woman's plight but forgive her ignorance.In her mind she had lived a perfect fantasy to escape the boredom of a mundane life.  Call it innocence as she wasn't aware of it's hazards. Knitting the dreams she began to believe them to come true but tested against reality that shattered like glass against the wall.

  Don't let my story delay your journey stranger, it bears no weight compared to the important things in your life. Apologies for the hurt that those searing words may have caused. Erase I cannot the words of resentment thrown your way for imagined slights. You are a patient man to remain & listen to a worthless tale. Be not amused nor frightened of the bizarre words you hear. You may mistake them to be directed at you but you have done no harm so forgive the pain bestowed upon you.

 Stay no further stranger should I rouse feelings of pity from you. Leave me with the little self respect that I feign to possess while I lament the love I failed to evoke from you. Bid sweet farewell as you  leave with those pieces of a shattered dream. Value the secret that there's no one who holds a candle to you. Be on your way & don't relate what you have heard to another  soul. It's just an unworthy narration that should be erased & forgotten, as it bore nothing but guilt & sorrow in it's consequence.

Wishful Thinking

~Yet we choose to submerge ourselves in this unpredictable sea of emotions, being rocked by tides

of love, lust, fear & hope- Never knowing that the same ocean can carry & leave us stranded on lonely islands far apart~

Muse

Two Minds

One fantasy

Fragments of a dream

For one longing heart

Wasted emotions

Timeless emptiness

A broken bond

Pride to silence

An unfinished tale

Deserted & forgotten

But kindled the soul that cherished it.

Self-Talk

You meet a lot of good people in the walk of life but few special ones

You hear alot of 'I love you's but question if one could change the course of fate

There are thorns that rend when you keep the roses & you wonder if its worth throwing them all together

Sometimes it is...

Virtual Reality

Idle hopes lay in despair

Awaiting what will never come

Leaving a void in the heart

But silence on the lips.

And Stranded they are

In a sphere with walls that echo

Only but a solo voice....

The Paradox

YOU CAME:

Like dawn creeping through the darkness of the night

Like a scent slowly engulfing the senses with pleasure

Like a rose symbolising the existence of love

Like the sparkle of a freshly cut diamond

Like an answer to a downhearted prayer

YOU LEFT

Like a stranger born without feelings

Like water in a blazing desert

Like a thief disappearing into the still of the night

Like the sun shadowed in an eclipse

NOW

I conjure what could've been

I wait for the warmth of your presence

I dream of the laughter you stirred

I long for the wisdom you shared

Between two worlds seeking to find another you.

The rift

“The subconscious's voice keeps reverberating in my head saying "I’m wrong, yea I’m wrong!"

I know that its foolishness to hang on your dreams. I know that in your world I’m a faceless person but on my side I can still recall the way u looked & how u talked. Maybe you're really only a fantasy stuck in my head…But you're the only stranger I’d ever wanted. You’re the only man in my life that I’d prayed for. What else can I do? I can’t give up my pride when I already feel that the ball's in your court. I can’t fight my ego. If you'd asked I’d have given any thing you'd desired, but u never gave me a chance.

Songs have created an imprint of your face that I can’t forget. Ask & you will not be refused. But you ask not.

Leave this tormented heart to beat on its own. Take these nostalgic memories & illusions.

Beautiful stranger you have created a rift in my heart.”

Its a doc's life

To be watching ambulances being wheeled in everyday is one thing but sitting in one to take one of your own beloveds to the ER is something different.

Being in the medical field, we're used to seeing the tear filled faces & people sitting outside the ICUs with thier rosaries for those inside.The ambulance sirens & the running staff had been rountine. It had barely ever been moving with the stress we're daily exposed to. Everyone's trying to get along with their own lives so we let those handling the matters to them only.

The other day my uncle had a stroke. I checked his blood pressure & it was really high. I popped some pills in his mouth that I had on hand so by the time we got to the hospital it had lowered but still high. Due to the emergency numbers being busy & lack of people at home the event worsened. It had been 3hours before we got him the right care.Sitting next to him in the ambulance I watched for a constant movement. The distances seemed to never end. The traffic was taking too long. There weren't enough personnel around for help. All the relative things that happen when you want to rush. I constantly wondered if I'd had my last moments with him in that time. It was a serious one (in one of those long Unpronounceable places that I'll skip for u). There was immediate surgery & he was into rehabilitation. No one wanted to assume anything. No one wanted to give scary warnings. Good I thought. We'll see watever happens when it comes by.

The moral of the story is that it's easy to take other people's sickness more easily than that of a loved one. We somehow believe that while someone still walks they're eternal. We forget the delicate thread that this life is bounded by. It's one tiny snap & all is gone.

Today its a relative, tomorrow it could be those closer.I'd not have thought of it till this reality struck me. Cherish those around you.Give them some time to let them know that you care.You never know which words could be the last exchanged. When all is said & done, deep down you'd not live with that regret that 'I could've done more.'

The Accident

Temporary warmth of an accidental hug

Recaptured the heart that had tried to forget

The love in vain.

The suppressed emotions resurfaced

Hope came to life

The wait started again

& It would continue...

The torment would return

The cycle would carry on

She would continue paying...

The price of the accidental meeting.

Unrequited Love

How could u change the nature of the thorn & expect it to never rend again?
How could you seek comfort when that’s something it has never been?
How could you try to forget what was never meant to be forgotten?
It was a lesson…just a lesson.
For the final time, stop this pain. There is nothing even left to feel anymore.
Wish this heart could forget everything.
It isn’t easy, it never was.
Tears of disappointment rise once & again.
None to forgive,
One to never forget.
Why had hope deserted when love decided to stay?
Why did bitterness come walking in while it still occupied the place?
Why when all went down, did it never bow out?
It's not hatred that's burning inside, it's that unrequited passion.
Die, I say.
Die, I pray.
Die, there's nothing worthy left today.

Wat ppl say bout me...

Arena (known to self and others) independent, knowledgeable, logical, mature, observant	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, adaptable, bold, brave, calm, caring, clever, complex, confident, dignified, energetic, friendly, giving, idealistic, intelligent, loving, modest, reflective, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, shy, sympathetic, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty
Façade (known only to self) organised	Unknown (known to nobody) accepting, cheerful, dependable, extroverted, happy, helpful, ingenious, introverted, kind, nervous, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, relaxed, religious, responsive, silly, spontaneous, tense

All Percentages

able (20%) accepting (0%) adaptable (6%) bold (20%) brave (6%) calm (6%) caring (13%) cheerful (0%) clever (6%) complex (20%) confident (20%) dependable (0%) dignified (13%) energetic (6%) extroverted (0%) friendly (6%) giving (20%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (13%) independent (20%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (40%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (20%) logical (6%) loving (33%) mature (20%) modest (6%) nervous (0%) observant (13%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (20%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (6%) self-assertive (13%) self-conscious (6%) sensible (13%) sentimental (26%) shy (13%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (6%) tense (0%) trustworthy (26%) warm (33%) wise (6%) witty (20%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 1.5.2006, using data from 15 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view blackempress's full data.

Your Analysis of....

ME! click on this link & select the 5- words U would associate with me. http://kevan.org/johari?name=blackempress Thanks

The Long standing Question

There is usually a thought in every person's mind whether expressed or not about their existence. For some it's there as adolescents & then somehow getting into the grinding of the daily chores they forget to question things.

There are those such as I, who since the last 15years have been trying to find the meaning of life. Born with a silver spoon in the mouth, good family, great friends, good education, ample oppurtunities to grow and discover various things in life,I am as clueless as I was 20years ago. I've dug up religion. I've delved into the psyche of the human minds & read a great many books on philisophy but never to recieve an answer to the question.

People claim to have found their way. We aren't in the position to be skeptical. They are those who have found a passion or if nothing else 'contentment' in their lives.

I wasn't given the oppurtunity to live to do what my neighbor's doing or even what my brother or mother wanted to. The whole idea is that we all were created for a different purpose. Some people are there to serve others & some are there to be served. It's the way Nature has created us. It wasn't to us to question 'why humans eat the chicken & the chicken don't eat humans?' Somethings just "are".

Somethings that 'are' for some are just not for others. As the saying goes "one man's spinach is another man's poison". This makes it harder for each of us to open a different goody bag & make sense of it.

The 'meaning of life' doesn't span contentment. It's just that contentment is a playing factor in it. I talk in broad terms.

"why was life created?" The older I get the more worthless things appear. It seems that there is very little to do. Everywhere its the same thing & it surmounts to nothing valuable. I don't know what people chase. Perhaps to the man on the street, money will be of the greatest importance & to the woman without children, having a child would make life worthwhile. Aren't these materialistic things? Haven't all the religions taught to rise above them? These are the things we can't live without or have to do without but its just that "there's gotta be more to life!" Career, family, money & love can't be the beginning and the end, or are they?

Tail Of 2005

Another year gone by-time flies... perhaps memory makes us feel that way.

As far as I am Concerned this year has been of many emotional see-saws.

2005 was not exactly predicted to be a good year for me in the first place. In fact an occultist said that it would be a year of ‘no progress’ & it turned out to be true.

Despite the overall stickiness of the situation I would say that this has been a year of great emotional wealth.

There comes a point in your life when you have to take a stand for self-preservation & eradicate all the visible thorns from rending you further than they had been over the years. I wouldn’t call it ‘awakening’ because aware I had always been.

<>But this year I went through the kind of emotional turmoil that I couldn’t have even imagined-reached the peak, hit the trough then rose again. From that experience & those before it, I have found contentment in my life that I had been lacking in, until now. I have broken the chains that kept me from loving with an open heart. I no longer care for pretentious affection.

I have learnt that the person I see in the mirror is me & I dare not change my perspective about that person according to stupid opinions of others. I have found the truth & can proudly stand for my values regardless of anything.

<>I no longer need to be shy that others don’t think like me. Time has taught me great lessons & I have the courage to be who I am. I express what I desire. I may be different but I am happy being ME.

Another lesson I learnt this year is that truth always stands out. I no longer feel the need to please people only so that they may stay. They taught me the difference between fair-weather & foul-weather friends. Letting truth decide the fate, also showed me the real faces of those I thought were well-wishers. It was a mask they wore.

And the fact that my family would be the only support to me became more evident in the evaluation. I was born lucky.

Secondly I realized that it isn’t worth chasing someone who has no intentions of reciprocating. It’s only a matter of heartache on the long run.

<>Also “opposites don’t attract!” That is only in physics. Human relations are worst in that category resulting in lifelong scarring. Human bonding works on homeopathy principle:

“Like attracts like.”

Conclusion came that those who really love you will stand by you irrespective of moods or outside influences. Otherwise they aren’t worth in the first place!

Casting people aside, this has also been a depressing year on a personal growth margin. There were more teary days than those that had ever been over the years combined. Had to face the NOT-SO-ME person too & well…accept it. Circumstances like that turned up to cause distress. Fortunately it all passed.

Academically I see no great difference but hopefully from next week.

Physically, hmm…have to admit bout the realization of the fact that I have been gifted in this area without having to work for it. Praise the Lord!

Financially this had been a year of expenses. That was also because of a robbery late in the year that fell heavy on the budget.

Overall, especially the last few months went active. It was the time to settle with growing relationships in the family & how to manage them-another lesson in the emotional field.

Last but not the least; I learnt the power of blogging & the blessing of having good readers. I thought I would never get this chance. But I discovered that there are small worlds within our world & the things that give the greatest pleasure are common to us all.

I found good friends & great confidantes who further richen my emotional life. Love u all.

Happy new year everybody!!!

Stolen From Osbasso

I found this on Osbasso's blog (who had taken it yet from someone else) & wanted to see wat everyone had to say.
 I dont mind if anyone else takes it from here. In fact I would love to fill it up for someone else!
 Ok folks... here goes!
 01] I _____ Blackempress
02] Blackempress is _____.
 03] If I were alone in a room with Blackempress, I would _____.
 04] I think Blackempress should _____.
05] Blackempress needs _____.
06] I want to _____ Blackempress
07] Someday Blackempress will ___.
08]Blackempress reminds me of _____.
09] Without Blackempress _____.
10] My memories of Blackempress are _____.
11Blackempresscan be _____.
12] The worst thing about Blackempress is _____.
13] The best thing about Blackempress is _____.
 14] I am _____ with Blackempress.
15] One thing I would like to know about Blackempress is _____.
 16] Blackempress should go and _____.
17]Blackempress _____ me.

Silent Scream

I give you my trust Only to be exploited in return
I reveal my life to you Only to be criticized & degraded
I give you my honesty Only to be labeled
I give my all & you never quit taking
Now when it’s my turn
I take back my life & give you only silence.

Misunderstood

We were only trying to find each other

When we sacrificed for each other

Till circumstances forced us to part

You thought what you had to offer wasn’t good enough

So you set me free

I felt my presence not required

So in the silence, we let each other go

Now you swap your wounds with guilt

While I regret letting a beautiful friendship die.

Secret Admirer

I sit on my star in the open galaxy Breaking off pieces to throw down into your universe Wouldn’t the sparkle catch your eye?

I lay on my rose in your garden Separating the petals & letting them fall Wouldn’t the fragrance rouse your senses?

I float on the ocean Dripping droplets into your desert Wouldn’t the change give you pleasure?

I wait on the rainbow Giving small spectrums on your water & glass Wouldn’t my art attract you?

I reveal myself in your reflection Showing you the picture of a complete life Wouldn’t you ask me to stay forever?

The missing part

Hearts that beat but one day quieten down Hands that hold then simply let go Paths that meet then are swallowed by distance.
That’s our story. Your face no longer intrigues me. Your voice no longer comforts me. Your memories give no feeling. This is the fate you’ve written for yourself. Just let it go. Let it die. Leave our tale to be remembered in ambiguous words-perhaps we’d like to see it that way.
With this song I wrap up the good and the bad times with the faintest of smiles: not even a fraction of what it used to be!

Chained Up

Thank you Z00nie, Amitken, Mitz, Choas, Anand, Ty, Original Ty, Nimnolith & Wiz. It was lovely to see how u carved out the words. I was really swept by some of the works. I’m putting them up together for u all to see & comment if u like, including my own. Thanks again, love u all.


z000nie Come walk by me, laugh with me and hold my hand... {The story was finished in first sentence itself}
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  Mitz Come walk by me make me feel your inner warmth with your gentle, yet firm touch. Let the wind take us down a path unknown and show us the way to the place we know we both want to be. 
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 ty Come walk by me right when I am about to rip one so you can hear me giggle and see me give myself a pound and a what what --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  (original ty) Come walk by me blending colors in this gray shaded mistful path, lightly warming the cold breeze of a winter morning. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nimnolith Come walk by me... through the shadows, mist, by the edges of my sanity...if you dare... You might find this strange but dont walk beside me, cause distance for me is like the air. I´m choking in the crowds of million eyes, in the sreets of plaster filled with dead souls, clowns, human caricatures, brealy living on the real... when I think again stay away because beside me you will lose another part of you..it will die in the chaos of many subreal lifes within me...
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Anand "Come walk by me... In the miasma of ambiguity enveloping the shores Come walk by me... In the obscurity of the night bleached by moonlight Come walk by me... In the resonance of splashes of incensed waves Come walk by me... And let the night witness our fading footprints Come walk by me on the sands of life leaving the reminiscence of our existence to be washed away by the tides of time..." ..."
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Chaos Come walk by me On this meandering Path. Have we spoken to life? Today? Let’s be together On its Caribbean blue. On skies dark with dew. Come walk by me, So we can be Another world Together. Mists shall dissipate With our coming. Mists shall hide us From prying eyes. Darkness will find A true enemy In both you and me. Come walk by me, On sunbeams And moonbeams; On bubbles of love. Walk by me My heart My love My favourite Form of life!(hehe) Let me bring you joy In a world of steel Let me see your smile Behind that iron mask. Come walk with me, So we can fight The banality of this world Together. Come dearest Walk with me...
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AmitKen Come walk by me... It’s good for health. : p "come walk by me i promise we wont get into a race, there'd be no winner or loser. Can we just walk hand in hand, and try to see that horizon? Together. come walk by me."
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Wiz Come walk by me in the fields of wizdom [ps. wizdom is not my homeland or my town....or world. ( lol )] 
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  Blackempress Come walk by me Let us leave these city lights & find comfort in the arms of silence. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

& lastly Sirbarrett Come walk by me, and lets talk about anything, as we get away from everything, while we wander through it. Come let our legs kick at a pace set by interest, interest in whatever lures you, my dear. I will lead and I will follow, sharply dive and duck. I will not tarry but listen all through the viaducts. Our minds together, and our words a song, pulling us softly through the city. Once we are through, me and you, we may need to stop walking to catch up

Tag! Ur it!

I'm gonna write the first line & I'd like you to come up with ur version of the remaining story ( can b anything..prose or poem, whatever u like. No restriction of length either. ) I'll put up the resulting works with ur names. Would love to see wat u create! Here goes: " Come walk by me..." Waiting :)

A fool’s paradise

Here I stand
Just the place where you left me
Clinging to the ghosts of your memories
Desperately seeking any amount of comfort they give
Here I shake In cold sweat of the drugs from your skin
Drained & bare of everything including dignity
No way to return to the roads that we left behind
Your presence deliberately locked me here
 I can still see your victorious smile as you walked away
So sure that you’d won & left me in chains
Here I Stand
In the chains your love bound me in
Foolishly not to escape while the chance remained
Here I stand With little but an addicted mind Intently waiting for another dose of your sweet torture

Epitaph

Here lies ...
...Someone So watch where you are going!

 Tread no more than already trodden!

 Request for electricity still unmet!

 Out to lunch! :D

Dinner at 8.00 See you when you get there!

 Don’t tread! I’ll be waiting for you at the other end

 Please respect this place -It could happen to you too.

Final time

The final folding of the clothes

I watched leaning against the doorway

Hard to believe that time had actually passed by

Did we ever meet?

How long had it been?

It felt like years & then…

Perhaps never.

I wanted to tell you that I loved you

But I knew you were aware

I would miss everything about you

I had accepted that,

At least to myself

A friendly, tearless goodbye.

Nothing left to say

Emotions stifled,

The good & bad quietly stashed away

Everything seemed vain at the instant

The truth would seep soon.

Glancing over my shoulder for the last time

At the epitome of grace, I sighed

A part I preferred leaving unnamed for so long,

Flickered like the remains of a burnt out candle.

But I blessed my stars for a wonder in my life

Having no clue of where time would leave us

I took my first step towards freedom &

My prison of silence.

The Whole Soul story

There's a big change happening & I only seek a refuge within my universe till all the walls have fallen & the storm has passed. Dreams have died & hopes are attending their funeral. All my life I called out to those I thought were around only to hear the echoes of my own voice saying "Can you help me?"

 Sometimes the sound made me sad, sometimes it left me feeling forlorn but otherwise it gave me a sense of independence. It made me realize that I was strong. It evoked the feeling of a survivor. The voice inside said: "You were made to survive. You were born to survive & so you shall!" "This is your universe for you to discover. You are free to do as you will. There is no one timing so go ahead take your time & learn whatever you can on the way. It is you alone to find your path where there is no judge except you. Let your mind be your guide."

 It was an prideful position but then insecurity decided to pay a call asking "What if I can't make it on my own? What if I lose my way or need some help? Can't I find any support?" Then the provident voice inside spoke: "Should you need someone, I'll always be here."
 I smiled knowing that I would never be alone again.

Pure Ecstasy

Silent Majesty

That’s the only word to describe the thrill that rushes through my body like electricity when I catch the glimpse of that “silent beauty”. I always fantasized standing atop the highest peak with my arms wide open to the sky & my head thrown back to feel the breeze on my face. I was in love with the rocks from the moment I saw the first person sitting on one in some photograph.

Now years older & having experienced the thrill of rock-climbing & hiking I’m still excited like an awed child looking at something fascinating for the first time. The immediate feeling is like the spirit awoken from deep down. There’s an adrenaline rush & I want to just throw a rope to the top & climb up. Strangely I get a maternal feeling from them. I feel like putting my arms around the whole of the mountain & hugging it. I want to caresse the side appearing like velvet covered with the trees & bushes. I want to dive in the cold rivers rushing through its banks. I know there’s no chance of survival with the wild rocks beneath its swooshing waves but that doesn’t stop me wanting to take a dip. They give me life even when my spirits are low. Water gives me a deep feeling. I don’t mind shivering in the chilling waves. I feel my own depth within them. I don’t know how else to say it. It calms me down. It takes away my worries. I feel at home.

The mountains with their majesty stand proud to symbolize strength & ambition. The most dangerous turns don’t scare me. Neither the bumpiest rides nor the toughest rocks make me change my mind. I want to go on & I do. The snow & wind can make me shiver but cannot bar my way. No landslide or an avalanche could scare me away. So I call it love. It’s the most remarkable feeling unlike any other. It says nothing; just quietly stands glowing in its glamour. It’s a refreshing sight to view the trees & flowing waters surrounded by different kinds of rocks. Someone with no love for adventure might tell you that “you see one mountain. You’ve seen them all.” No sir! Not to me. Every rock has its own size, color, texture & shape. Not only that they all have different values. I found pieces of limestone amongst the other rocks. I have a collection of them now that I cherish like jewels. To me they are. I could spend hours quietly admiring Nature. There’s peace in it yet not destroyed by the human hands nor selfish like the human heart.

Think

I saw this question posted on someone's blog & it set my mind in motion. I wanted to know what U thought about it: " IF u had a choice between fixing something in the past & knowing an important event from the future what would you choose?" IN my case my life would change inside-out so I'd fix a past event. What's your pick?

Fates Unknown

TODAY I await you not,

I only sit by the window reminiscing
The tender moments that fill my mind.
 Your gentle whisper caresses my ear
As I acknowledge your tale with a smile
I recall the way you lightly touched my hand
Telling me a million tales, spoken in silence.

Through the misty picture I could still trace 

The outline of your smile with my fingertips

Time has created unbridgeable distances & I wonder how much of us you’d remember & miss

I know not where you are

But like this dandelion I blow you a kiss on the wind
To float away to its fate-stranded & forgotten
Like the story of our lives.

Time lapse

I called an old friend today. There really was no need to talk. Perhaps it was a test for the mind & heart to see if the pain still lingered.

The tone continued twice, thrice then a familiar voice answered. It had taken courage to reconnect after ages. Was it good to hear the sound? Not particularly-just strange. Time already gone had its own tale. Today was a different story. There was a lot of time lapse-too much missed & neither side was willing to bridge the distance. The past was buried. Pain never mentioned. Feelings now hollow. It was just a mastery of the mind to keep extending the conversation. The will to share was gone. In reality only strangers who’d met at some cross-road: Strangers who had held & consoled each other at one time.

Age brought along its tides of change. Who’d know who we are now? We were accustomed to pretense back then; reverting back to it even now was nothing new. Charm fades & values deplete; all that remain from a life so sweet are memories- or not even those.

Love’s despair

He woke up in the middle of the night. The lamp was still on. The side of the bed was empty. He checked the time. It was 20 minutes past 1 am. He got a little worried knowing her mid-night walk habit that she hadn’t left even after her single years ended. He pulled his robe on & turned the latch. He checked the hall which was empty meaning that his parents were asleep. He carefully walked down the stairs & entered the dimly lit bar with only a single bulb lighted at the far end.

He saw her seated on the stool & sprawled across the counter. Her wrists were hanging off the edge. He got really anxious but made no hurried effort so not to wake her. He touched her sweaty hand & gently stroked her bare arm up to her shoulder. The entire limb was full of perspiration as though she’d just showered. Riverlets of sweat trickled down the border of his palm & dropped to the floor, as he halted.

She gathered her arms & straightened her head staring him right in the eye with her own blood-shot ones. He really wanted to reprimand her yet just hold her close. He understood that love hurt & he was weak as far as she was concerned. He’d suffered in love so could relate to what she was feeling then. He was jealous of the man she loved because she belonged to him, yet he was powerless. He thought that it’d taken a lot of misery for her to come down for a drink since it was against her nature to drink. Still not accustomed to it, drinking was torture for her. Despite her hatred for whisky she had gotten herself drunk.

She quietly studied his face, waiting for him to scold her & lecture her on her foolishness for loving someone who could never belong to her.

He didn’t.Instead he stepped closer & from behind cupped her face tenderly in his palm & stroke it with his thumbs.

She looked up with her innocent eyes then extended her arms around his neck. He bent down & he kissed her on the nape as she called his name in desperation. She ran her fingers through his hair & he picked her up. Partly drunk & partly broken he seemed to be a raft in a stormy weather; she was sure she had him for now & didn’t hesitate to lean on him in her misery. Throughout it’d been a story never meant to change.

Another Brick in the Wall

It is the heart’s misfortune to love. We only suffer for our own desires. No one is to be blamed for the pain we feel. It is our own inadequacy to count on people. They know not how to heal but are experts at rending. So what if there’s no hand to hold?  There may be a need for none. It’s about learning to aspire higher than human hands can carry. In self shall thee find a universe enough to get along this rusty road of life. Another bitter end is just another brick in the wall.

The Beloved's Departure

Could I hold u for just another minute? Just another moment till the stifling of this heart would cease? It's the pain that stirs it. Besides that it has no other meaning. I would not delay you. I won't hold on too long. It's just the sense of loss that makes me quiver. You shouldn't think of anything else. I have no ill-intentions. I have no other purpose. If you tell me that it's going to be alright then I might stabilize but I doubt that to be true. I want you in my life & don't know how to go on without you. I have done that for more than 2 decades now but how do you convince your heart that it can go on without someone? I just know that I love you & can't forget all that we've shared. I know that everything will work out in fact I've lived with the idea of the whole thing ending. But goodbye isn't easy. Its bitter-sweet when departure is short but on the long run its better to say nothing.

Love-at-first-sight.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Yea baby, I do. Been there! Done that! I ain’t talking about the people who look at one-fall in love (make that lust) & repeat the pattern 2000 times over again. I'm talking about that fatal attraction at the first instance that only grows into real love with time. It’s a strange sort of a click that happens in your brain.

You need to be close-just to reconfirm. Unknown kinds of forces push & pull between you till you finally give in.

It continues as you find excuses to stick together & unconsciously can't keep your eyes off this new person. You want to impress them & they do the same to you. There's a need to relate to "that" person time after time. There is the person you find your reflection so sharply in. Here before your eye is the person you want to be close to. This is the inevitable romance that your heart waited all those damned years for & it says...this is your person! Have you ever felt the tingling under the skin; the butterflies in the tummy when he or she looked your way?

Did you deep inside pray that they'd go on looking & find something as valuable in you as much as you found in them. There you stood hoping that when the time comes you’d be the lucky one who’d be picked out from the crowd.

And remember the feeling when the hand gently brushed against your arm. That rush of emotions-the deeply stirring touch that roused a thousand latent emotions! It was the delicate way the fingers moved about that made the heart skip a beat. It was in the smile & the eyes that spoke volumes without a word. It was there in the way he or she spoke or gazed.

If you recall, you know it’d happened to you whether you were the love skeptic or the romantic, you know that once in your life love held you prisoner- you were lucky!