Sunday, March 04, 2012

Soul-deep encounter

I met a woman who was classy if considered anything above normal- a psychologist by profession & nearly 20 years older to me. There was nothing unusual expected out of a professional relationship. Yet the encounter was anything but ordinary despite less than an average interaction.

I’ve kinda forgotten the reason for hanging in but the second time I entered the room, I saw her fortified within a highly energized bubble which I mistook for frustration but deciphered her need to retreat into a protected world was intense emotional pain. I knew there was no space for my insignificant rambling & an intrinsic quality of breaking defenses rose wanting to shatter the barrier though conjured the need for time. It only helped to maintain my calm with certain attitudes later. I already knew there was nothing a bit of patience couldn’t fix.

Despite normal interaction I began having a queer sense of familiarity that logic even forwent. I had no personal information & still the person felt as though she’d been there all my life. I thought my analytical arrogance was souring absurdly so pushed it aside. What followed after, I had no clue but the human sitting in front of me became an empty vessel that I could access psychically as though all barriers between us vanished & I could really touch the soul sitting more than 5 ft away. All I was doing was talking or listening but the magnetism drew me against resistance like I would actually ‘drown’ in her. I could read her thoughts. I could feel her pain. I knew how to heal. Like never before I found myself saying “I could be you”-a real time mirror. If insanity had another name, it should’ve been mine.

To think that I was chosen to be the piece fitter of the ‘puzzle’ was enough but rest of the story was oracular.I slowly began comprehending the threatening energy that centered our encounters- Her power, to change me & mine to unlock her. I had only known transcendence in a dreamy way, this was not the kind. This union was transformative & what could follow; neither had a clue & frankly better unknown. Despite experience I feared intense encounters & more over the power of someone over me.

I was tempted to explore the realm but needed safety gear minus all restrictions. There was neither & for an all-or-none enthusiast I refused to play. This relationship was gardened by intellectual pursuits, bolted by respect but still scarred by confusion of roles & embedded dominance. The underworld only promised growth without the thought of cost. We had to do the thinking for ourselves & maybe that was the actual lesson of meeting a powerful woman at a level that was veritably soul-deep.

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