Saturday, February 06, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
A missed tale
He came in the night & kissed my head as I lay, my bod mostly bare with the chemise on. He told me he loved me so I believed it. He loved her, he didn’t tell me but I knew. I could read his eyes. To him, like to the men before him, I’d transformed from a woman to a sexual object. I was to blame, I suppose they were right. The only love I deserved was from what they obtained pleasure or else, I’d no rights to feel or desire. They failed to see the human element of emotional hunger that I expressed between those kisses & cuddles. They would rather label me a nymphomaniac than understand my need for love. I was desirable-good to know. I was rich & glamorous-perfect make of a mistress. I was lonely, hollow & scared- denied to possess the qualities. Night after night, for years I pleased one, then another hoping to find something lasting. The bed was warm but it left me cold each time the door shut behind them. I searched for someone different. I wanted something real. Then I did find that someone, who loved me for me & replaced the pain with his warmth & affection. I happily gave my hand for the ring. My life was full of bliss-at least for a while. Then his eyes changed as he grew restless trying to find something new. The glow I held began to diminish as emptiness crawled back, bringing insecurity & bitterness for company. History repeated itself as summer turned to a permanent winter. So this night was like the nights before but left a shaper chill as his footsteps turned to leave the door.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
The rewarded professional
Standing admist a large crowd a voice asks me
“Where are they?”
“Who?”
“Your friends?”
“They were here a while ago” I answer looking around at the unfamiliar faces surrounding me “Don’t you see a group of smiling faces or hear their bouts of laughter?”
“No”
“Aren’t those lovely people around beaming smiles in my direction?”
“No, but far amongst the crowd some old faces do loom about”
“There is something missing inside me” I relate “But there is so much warmth around”
“It’s the love of the common people”
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Muse
Friday, November 06, 2009
Self-Talk
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Virtual Reality
Thursday, September 10, 2009
The Paradox
Friday, July 18, 2008
Love Letter
I know that I remain unforgiven for lack of introduction last time. I thought that I was done & over with but something compelled me to return. I came with good intentions last time, but this time its different- I came with my story.
I’ve always loved the idea of living ‘
I wish I knew a way to break through your walls. I wish I could win your trust but it’s so hard for a wounded heart to believe a stranger. I know. I know you’re story better than you’ll ever realize. I can sense the gaps left in your life. I know that I can’t complete them but I wish to prevent more.
Give me words & I'll be honored
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Learning the ropes
After seeing the way people function, I really regard the fact that I was born in a house where there was a super talented person like my mother. Honestly I’ve never seen another of her kind. People are creative & talented in many fields but never seen anyone who could handle anything from home deco to medicine, accounts & plumbering.
My mom is someone who’s popular for her choice in stylish dressing personally from clothes to jewels to home styling from drapery to cutlery. She always knows the right time for the right thing.
The more time I spend with her the more impressed I am. There’s nothing she can’t handle. At those times I feel handicapped while personally I am talented in many fields but nothing like mom. I don’t know what to do when handed a couple of flower stems to arrange. I’m clumsy with the sanitary fittings. I can’t properly garden. I can’t stitch a pillow. She can do everything to do with spades, needles, machines, pipes, make-up, screwdrivers, words, paints, flowers, tapes, medicines & injections. WOW!
I’ve always been saying “Mom, you’re a genius!”
I remember the same woman correcting me when I couldn’t pronounce Biology. It was the same person who taught me the names of things I didn’t know. I still remember watching a news reporter in green & I said to mom “I like the stuff she has on her eyes. What’s it called?”
“Eye-shadow”
You know the thing that makes her really beautiful? Besides being a natural stunning beauty, she has a heart of gold. She’s down-to-earth, ready to give a hand to anyone anywhere. She’s praised in her in-laws more than anyone. She’s praised in her family. She’s the best mother ever. Did I mention she’s an amazing cook? No wonder, she just got another request to make lunch for someone again!!!
Mama, you’re the most beautiful person ever born. Thank God for You!
Monday, October 29, 2007
When I Grow up
Time passes so fast that one day you grow old & feel that there’s little left to do. Remember how we felt when we were kids? We were so invincible. The world seemed like a globe on the palm of the hand.
“I can conquer anything” the heart spoke.
A thousand dreams weaved without realizing that barely a few would touch reality. But there was so much faith in them. Age, brought wisdom with it. Adolescence dawned & the invincibility lessened:
“I can’t conquer the world, but maybe a part of it”
2 decades down:
“I can’t conquer the world so let me do something in my society”
2 & half decades:
“I’m lucky if I can do something for myself & my family.”
Beyond that the dream list shortens while the disappointment list lengthens. There’s nothing anyone can do. Some fortunate ones stand where they intend on standing since younger years but most collect the remains of their shattered dreams to dump them in the trash-can of reality.
Still it’s sweet to hear those words spoken by children perhaps one of the lot may achieve part of the grand picture.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Whole new World
Recently we went on the mission of vaccinating children against Polio in
The experience was unforgettable. Walking down the lanes with goats & people it was really a new sight. One doesn’t really see anything living in the usual routine, but stepping out to a new world makes you realize everything that you’ve been blessed with that so many people have no inkling of.
There were no roads in the community we attended. The houses were not built of cement & cloth was used for the doorway though there were wooden doors in most of them. Naked children ran around on the sandy walkways. The place was packed with people, many were really hospitable. Doctors were respected & generally welcomed, which was favorable for us.
Some kids were difficult but others were cooperative. Many of them surprisingly joined the team & helped us locating the houses with children <5>
There were some real beauties hiding behind the ugly houses. There was a world in a big town. People lived busy in their own activities having none of the luxuries we consider utilities. Kids weren’t playing X-box but with bricks & stones & enjoying equally.
The best part of the experience was to know another side of life & satisfaction came from knowing that those tots & kids would not suffer in the hands of the nasty virus.
Life really is beautiful.
The rift
“The subconscious's voice keeps reverberating in my head saying "I’m wrong, yea I’m wrong!"
I know that its foolishness to hang on your dreams. I know that in your world I’m a faceless person but on my side I can still recall the way u looked & how u talked. Maybe you're really only a fantasy stuck in my head…But you're the only stranger I’d ever wanted. You’re the only man in my life that I’d prayed for. What else can I do? I can’t give up my pride when I already feel that the ball's in your court. I can’t fight my ego. If you'd asked I’d have given any thing you'd desired, but u never gave me a chance.
Songs have created an imprint of your face that I can’t forget. Ask & you will not be refused. But you ask not.
Leave this tormented heart 2beat on its own. Take these nostalgic memories & illusions.
Beautiful stranger you have created a rift in my heart.”
Friday, August 18, 2006
Ship in the storm
Time passed by since then. Even after the shattered dreams there was still a fading light of hope. In desperate times, even a little means alot. I had that. There was no promise. There were no expectations. There was only hope. To save a sinking ship in the storm that just isn't enough!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Its a doc's life
Being in the medical field, we're used to seeing the tear filled faces & people sitting outside the ICUs with thier rosaries for those inside.The ambulance sirens & the running staff had been rountine. It had barely ever been moving with the stress we're daily exposed to. Everyone's trying to get along with their own lives so we let those handling the matters to them only.
The other day my uncle had a stroke. I checked his blood pressure & it was really high. I popped some pills in his mouth that I had on hand so by the time we got to the hospital it had lowered but still high. Due to the emergency numbers being busy & lack of people at home the event worsened. It had been 3hours before we got him the right care.Sitting next to him in the ambulance I watched for a constant movement. The distances seemed to never end. The traffic was taking too long. There weren't enough personnel around for help. All the relative things that happen when you want to rush. I constantly wondered if I'd had my last moments with him in that time. It was a serious one (in one of those long Unpronounceable places that I'll skip for u). There was immediate surgery & he was into rehabilitation. No one wanted to assume anything. No one wanted to give scary warnings. Good I thought. We'll see watever happens when it comes by.
The moral of the story is that it's easy to take other people's sickness more easily than that of a loved one. We somehow believe that while someone still walks they're eternal. We forget the delicate thread that this life is bounded by. It's one tiny snap & all is gone.
Today its a relative, tomorrow it could be those closer.I'd not have thought of it till this reality struck me. Cherish those around you.Give them some time to let them know that you care.You never know which words could be the last exchanged. When all is said & done, deep down you'd not live with that regret that 'I could've done more.'
Monday, July 24, 2006
The Accident
Recaptured the heart that had tried to forget
The love in vain.
The suppressed emotions resurfaced
Hope came to life
The wait started again
& It would continue...
The torment would return
The cycle would carry on
She would continue paying...
The price of the accidental meeting.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Page from My Diary
I watched one building pass by followed by another & thought:
“This is the way everything would pass from my life.”
A scary thought I assure you when you view it all being left behind at high speed. That’s what life is, really isn’t it? Relative! My yesterday would be someone’s tomorrow. All the people I leave behind would someday be with new people in new places.But for me it would be ‘old’.
Over time I have come to admire people who are able to maintain their old sweeties & friends. I always thought that I was amongst them but looking at my life today, there is no one of my past with whom I share a mutual feeling. Either they have left me or I had left them. At the most there was no connection despite the presence.
When I look at my present, I do harbor some fears concerning the future. There are things that I want to hold on to. There are people I want to throw out of my life, yet I would never try. Then the thought of actually giving them up is tearing.But then that's the way things work isnt it?
U win some, U lose some!
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Unrequited Love
How could you seek comfort when that’s something it has never been?
How could you try to forget what was never meant to be forgotten?
It was a lesson…just a lesson.
For the final time, stop this pain. There is nothing even left to feel anymore.
Wish this heart could forget everything.
It isn’t easy, it never was.
Tears of disappointment rise once & again.
None to forgive,
One to never forget.
Why had hope deserted when love decided to stay?
Why did bitterness come walking in while it still occupied the place?
Why when all went down, did it never bow out?
It's not hatred that's burning inside, it's that unrequited passion.
Die, I say.
Die, I pray.
Die, there's nothing worthy left today.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Witnessing a Miracle
We were in for a pleasant surprise!
It had happened that everytime we went into the labor room, something or the other happened to the expecting mother & she had to be taken to the OT for which none of us were prepared so missed out a couple of "happenings" due to it.
One morning we heard the news that there was a woman ready to deliver. We refused to do any examination & just ran into the labor room. The lady did get unnnerved having 5 more people around her but we refused to budge. We watched the trainee work efficiently with the lady. It was her first so it was taking time. We constantly heard her tell the woman to "push" whenever she felt the contractions coming on.
At first we all were excited but as the woman fell into distress we became unnerved. A few of the girls began feeling nauseous &left the room only to return a while later. We thought "oh here goes another woman into the OT thanks to our cursed presence!"
We were losing hope to see the delivery to the end. The doctor did show us the head of the fetus lying at the end of the birth canal. We were amazed. It seemed such a small distance from the womb to the world. But it was taking alot of time.
There was alot of dirty stuff happening; even the disinfection was kindda gross due to the color of the liquid. The entire prospect of shoving the hand in to feel the head movement or for any obstruction was disturbing. Not like it could be helped!
Then there was the trickling of blood & water

Monday, May 01, 2006
Wat ppl say bout me...
Arena(known to self and others) independent, knowledgeable, logical, mature, observant | Blind Spot(known only to others) able, adaptable, bold, brave, calm, caring, clever, complex, confident, dignified, energetic, friendly, giving, idealistic, intelligent, loving, modest, reflective, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, shy, sympathetic, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty |
Façade(known only to self) organised | Unknown(known to nobody) accepting, cheerful, dependable, extroverted, happy, helpful, ingenious, introverted, kind, nervous, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, relaxed, religious, responsive, silly, spontaneous, tense |
All Percentages
able (20%) accepting (0%) adaptable (6%) bold (20%) brave (6%) calm (6%) caring (13%) cheerful (0%) clever (6%) complex (20%) confident (20%) dependable (0%) dignified (13%) energetic (6%) extroverted (0%) friendly (6%) giving (20%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (13%) independent (20%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (40%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (20%) logical (6%) loving (33%) mature (20%) modest (6%) nervous (0%) observant (13%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (20%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (6%) self-assertive (13%) self-conscious (6%) sensible (13%) sentimental (26%) shy (13%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (6%) tense (0%) trustworthy (26%) warm (33%) wise (6%) witty (20%)
You can make your own Johari Window, or view blackempress's full data.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
The magical Rose
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Your Analysis of....
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Perfect Lover
This Is Dedicated to the ONE--whoever, whereever & watever he is! ;)
* The greatest thing I need in him are Principles. I like people who know what they are about & have set standards in their lives. He should know why he is doing what he is doing. I cannot respect people who don't have, as you say it "ground beneath their feet." My man better have faith in all he is & what he wants or has.
*With principles, comes the need to be courageous. He should be firm enough to stand for what he believes in irrespective of the opposition he encounters. I am certainly eccentric & would want him to be distinguished as well. Eccentricity requires firmness or its an open oppurtunity for the mockers.
*A very important aspect I need is that he needs to be practical. I can't stand people who weave big empty dreams & do nothing with their lives except creating Illusions. Practical means someone who has a good sense of all matters including finances, people & relationships.
*One thing I have found common between all the people I pick is that they are very intelligent/smart. I like having people who don't need too many words to understand something.
*I love laughter so he definitely needs to have a good sense of humor. I simply adore Witty people.
*Since I am a better listener than talker so he should be talkative. I am attracted to good conversationalist & orators. (Btw I have a weakness for good come-backs & sarcasm).
*He should be sincerely loving & devoted { I think I deserve that!!! ;-) }
*He should be open-minded. I am too broadminded at times so he needs to have an expansive mind as well to tolerate me & for us to stay happy. (plus I like doing my own thing most of the time so he needs to be accepting of that. No sir, no possessiveness for me!)
OK, I've written 8 points but still have some qualities left:
Originality, Creativity, independence, versatility, atheletic, good education, refined mannerism & Knowledge.
I guess that sums it all up.
I think that is too much to ask for, wouldn't you agree?
But what the Heck! No harm in trying....anyone
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Her life story
Some thought they knew her. They did, didn't they? Who knows.
Why was she the way she was?Her life was about sex, some said. She was innocent, said the others.
Who knows. She knew. She knew it all along...& she was the only one to know.
When you live too fast, you become the past quickly too.
She was wild & she was boxed before she found herself. The only thing that she could depend on brought her down. Those she wanted to keep deserted her. The lifestyle she adopted was wat made sense to her best. Her love was the reflection of her search. It wasn't that she was a lesbian-It was just that the only thing of value was found in a woman.
She took the world by storm & didn't give a damn about it. It was all just there. None of what was given to her mattered. What was it that she really wanted? No one knew. Not even her. No one could get to her to find out.
" They showed her a beautiful house & they said "come & live here forever" & the young girl said "oh Mars is a place where life is different-safe, clean & pretty. But how do u get there? Where do u find the taxi? Which bus do u take? And how do u know you're there, when you're there?
Her parents just let her go when she was young. She carried on. 'Go on, go on' they all said. They thought the phase would passs. No one saw the damage at any stage.No one thought that it would get worse at every step. Till it was too late...
She faltered. Once...then again. No one could deny her beauty. They loved her because she was beautiful. But her true beauty was her real being.
She wanted to be more than a pretty face. She wanted to be loved for who she was. But then...who was she?
Fame didn't get her an identity. Money couldn't buy it either. There was no one who could give the one thing she longed for, so she turned to drugs. They made her live somewhere between reality & the infinite. It was easier with one foot out of the door, I guess. It caused less pain.
Life & death... Energy & peace... Even if I stop today, It was still worth it....
Even the terrible mistakes that I have made... And would Unmake, if I could....
The pain that has burnt me & scarred my soul.. It was worth it..
To be allowed to walk where I have walked Which was to Hell on earth.. Heaven on earth.. Back again, into, under.. Between, Through it.. In it & above ...
That was the Life of the American Super-model, GIA.
"She was too wild to live, too beautiful to die." (A very good potrayal of the life by Angelina Jolie in the movie..loved it!)
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Blinded & forgotten
A smile casted into a frown Friendships sailed away
Stabbed by the dagger of force Blood splattered across the walls
A woman screamed Flames licked the stained walls
The fire turned the neighborhood to ashes Leaving the people blind
Noone remained to relate the story
Friday, February 03, 2006
IF YOU DRIVE....
Monday, January 23, 2006
The "ever after" story
How come no one bothered to write the life after the union? It would obviously not be possible to write about two different people to be thinking on the same lines. See, the prince who was raised amongst the rich ended up falling for an unknown girl while riding through the forest. How was it possible that his family raised no issue about the match? How were they able to get along in every regard as Snow White had nothing besides looks & the Prince had nothing to lose? Lets say that they came from the era where men dominated & women submitted to their commands, even giving it that base it still doesn't make it utterly possible that they were a classic match.
Any other author could have given alot of kinks in the story. Say, the couple couldn't have children & they eventually fall out of love. As for a man who could fall in love with an ordinary woman in minutes, who could guarantee that he couldn't have fallen for another woman visiting his royal court? Maybe Snow White found a new world & decided to explore the chrishma of her personality or looks. Perhaps she started suffering from inadequacy & began to search for new kinds of attentions & eventually became distant to her husband. Or the Prince's mother started getting jealous & began to act like that wicked mirror queen trying to poison her.
Not that I find it wrong to have a happy ending but this is the kind of material that has shaped our ideals. We grow up searching for those kinds of magical moments & romances that actually don't exist. When faced with reality of our relationships we find them below the mark & end up disappointed. What we were not told by the writers was :
"Actual results may vary!" Did someone say I was too skeptical? Not totally. Is it possible that two people from completely different places to never disagree? Even if people are capable of getting along its never possible that there's never a time that they feel that something is wrong somewhere. Its all part of being human. We grow up wanting to ace every field in our reach & when the smallest things don't work out, become upset.
As for the 'ever after' story there was a good song by Anita Baker:
'Fairy tales' I can remember stories, those things my mother said She told me fairy tales, before I went to bed She spoke of happy endings, then tucked me in real tight She turned my night light on, and kissed my face good night My mind would fill with visions, of perfect paradise She told me everything, she said he'd be so nice He'd ride up on his horse and, take me away one night I'd be so happy with him, we'd ride clean out of sight She never said that we would, curse, cry and scream and lie She never said that maybe, someday he'd say goodbye The story ends, as stories do Reality steps into view No longer living life in paradise - of fairy tales - She spoke about happy endings, of stories not like this She said he'd slay all dragons, defeat the evil prince She said he'd come to save me, swim through the stormy seas I'd understand the story, it would be good for me You never came to save me, you let me stand alone Out in the wilderness, alone in the cold My story end, as stories do Reality steps into view No longer living life in paradise - no fairy tales - yes I don't look for pie up in the sky, baby Need reality, now, said I Don't feel the need to be pacified, don't cha try Honey, I know you lied You never came to save me, you let me stand alone Out in the wilderness, alone in the cold I found no magic postion, no horse with wings to fly I found the poison apple, my destiny to die No royal kiss could save me, no magic spell to spin My fantasy is over, my life must now begin My story end, as stories do Reality steps into view No longer living life in paradise - no fairy tales - eh,
So the moral of the story is...don't rely on those old told stories. Human relations are hard so try to find forgiveness for those who hurt. The entire romance was how the couple met after which there was no perfect story so no one bothered to tell us the tale. So create your own 'happy ever afters'...afterall a dream is a wish of the heart & no one said dreams can't come true.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Stories From The Ward I
1st chest examination: This was the check-up for the respiratory system. It wasn't a problem, given that the team was co-operative & the patient was a lean male.(its difficult with the fat). But the trouble was that it was a male. It wouldn't have occured to me how my hands felt until the people I pracitised on told me that I had a light touch. Got the story? So it happened that while I was 'supposed' to be doing the superficial check(which was plainly feeling the entire chest with the palm) a 'crisp grasp' came from the patient. Everyone heard but all pretended innocence. I wasn't sure about continuing but did anyways-something else.That was the last time I ever checked the chest: I opted for the stomach instead :)
Paralysed Patients You might feel sorry for the stiffened patients being wheeled in but don't fall for it. They have amazing stories to tell. A couple of days back this middle-aged woman was brought in the medicine ward. Her attendants felt sorry for her that she couldn't even talk nor move her stiff limbs . The compassionate doctor went to examine her. He took his hammer & checked her reflexes to find that they were all present(in paralysis they're absent). He kept his calm & simply told the nurse to pass a tube down her nose into the stomach(Nasogastric tube which is painful)himself going into the other room. Within a few minutes he heard her scream...miracle doctor wasn't he! :D Alot of patients just fake for seeking attention & these kind of stories are not uncommon. We enjoyed the experience nevertheless.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
The Long standing Question
There are those such as I, who since the last 15years have been trying to find the meaning of life. Born with a silver spoon in the mouth, good family, great friends, good education, ample oppurtunities to grow and discover various things in life,I am as clueless as I was 20years ago. I've dug up religion. I've delved into the psyche of the human minds & read a great many books on philisophy but never to recieve an answer to the question.
People claim to have found their way. We aren't in the position to be skeptical. They are those who have found a passion or if nothing else 'contentment' in their lives.
I wasn't given the oppurtunity to live to do what my neighbor's doing or even what my brother or mother wanted to. The whole idea is that we all were created for a different purpose. Some people are there to serve others & some are there to be served. It's the way Nature has created us. It wasn't to us to question 'why humans eat the chicken & the chicken don't eat humans?' Somethings just "are".
Somethings that 'are' for some are just not for others. As the saying goes "one man's spinach is another man's poison". This makes it harder for each of us to open a different goody bag & make sense of it.
The 'meaning of life' doesn't span contentment. It's just that contentment is a playing factor in it. I talk in broad terms.
"why was life created?" The older I get the more worthless things appear. It seems that there is very little to do. Everywhere its the same thing & it surmounts to nothing valuable. I don't know what people chase. Perhaps to the man on the street, money will be of the greatest importance & to the woman without children, having a child would make life worthwhile. Aren't these materialistic things? Haven't all the religions taught to rise above them? These are the things we can't live without or have to do without but its just that "there's gotta be more to life!" Career, family, money & love can't be the beginning and the end, or are they?
Friday, December 16, 2005
Tail Of 2005
Another year gone by-time flies... perhaps memory makes us feel that way.
As far as I am Concerned this year has been of many emotional see-saws.
2005 was not exactly predicted to be a good year for me in the first place. In fact an occultist said that it would be a year of ‘no progress’ & it turned out to be true.
Despite the overall stickiness of the situation I would say that this has been a year of great emotional wealth.
There comes a point in your life when you have to take a stand for self-preservation & eradicate all the visible thorns from rending you further than they had been over the years. I wouldn’t call it ‘awakening’ because aware I had always been.
<>But this year I went through the kind of emotional turmoil that I couldn’t have even imagined-reached the peak, hit the trough then rose again. From that experience & those before it, I have found contentment in my life that I had been lacking in, until now. I have broken the chains that kept me from loving with an open heart. I no longer care for pretentious affection. >I have learnt that the person I see in the mirror is me & I dare not change my perspective about that person according to stupid opinions of others. I have found the truth & can proudly stand for my values regardless of anything.
<>Another lesson I learnt this year is that truth always stands out. I no longer feel the need to please people only so that they may stay. They taught me the difference between fair-weather & foul-weather friends. Letting truth decide the fate, also showed me the real faces of those I thought were well-wishers. It was a mask they wore.
And the fact that my family would be the only support to me became more evident in the evaluation. I was born lucky.
Secondly I realized that it isn’t worth chasing someone who has no intentions of reciprocating. It’s only a matter of heartache on the long run.
<>Also “opposites don’t attract!” That is only in physics. Human relations are worst in that category resulting in lifelong scarring. Human bonding works on homeopathy principle:>“Like attracts like.”
Conclusion came that those who really love you will stand by you irrespective of moods or outside influences. Otherwise they aren’t worth in the first place!
Casting people aside, this has also been a depressing year on a personal growth margin. There were more teary days than those that had ever been over the years combined. Had to face the NOT-SO-ME person too & well…accept it. Circumstances like that turned up to cause distress. Fortunately it all passed.
Academically I see no great difference but hopefully from next week.
Physically, hmm…have to admit bout the realization of the fact that I have been gifted in this area without having to work for it. Praise the Lord!
Financially this had been a year of expenses. That was also because of a robbery late in the year that fell heavy on the budget.
Overall, especially the last few months went active. It was the time to settle with growing relationships in the family & how to manage them-another lesson in the emotional field.
Last but not the least; I learnt the power of blogging & the blessing of having good readers. I thought I would never get this chance. But I discovered that there are small worlds within our world & the things that give the greatest pleasure are common to us all.
I found good friends & great confidantes who further richen my emotional life. Love u all.
Happy new year everybody!!!
Saturday, December 10, 2005

Tender Moments Isnt it beautiful, when someone you love, gets you the thing you've had ur eyes on since sometime, especially when you least expect to ever get it! At the present moment I have the not-so-new yet my favourite( mark-the only Nokia set)Mobile in my hand & yet it seems like a dream. I didnt get it. I wanted to but I really didnt even think of it due to the cost. I am attracted to, as well as scared, of expensive things. Reasons Of it I'll skip. Anyways, I always admired it from the distance but a day back my sister surprised me by giving it to me as a gift. No birthday, no graduation... nothing! She was celebrating her love for me! I was so touched. I was kindda ambivalent due to the attachment to the old Sony Erricson of mine(me being a fan of it). But then the thought behind the effort & especially the cost of getting a gift out of her own pocket(which I assure u is a big thing for someone on pocket money esp when its a big price!) & then just the fact that it was my favourite person's love made me so excited with the new piece. IF that wasnt enough she wrote a long letter for me expressing her admiration & sentiments. To make it perfect she added a card to the whole thing. Then last but not the least she drew a big smiley That said "Keep smiling because I love you." Absolutely adorable! To me she is & will always b a kid no matter how old she gets-still the child of my heart. Shy as we are, I sent her a text : "That was the sweetest & most laughable letter I've ever gotten. Thanks :) Love u baby. You'll always be my sweet baby sissy!" She replied: "Aww...you melted this ole heart of mine. THanks :)" Both of us dont fall for just anything but when it comes to us both, there's an extra soft spot. At times like these, I really know that I am blessed! Thanks sis, U're the best :)
Friday, December 02, 2005
Stolen From Osbasso
Friday, November 25, 2005
Arranged Marriage
“Today I give you a place in my home, sacrificing my freedom for the responsibility of you.
Today I give you the right to ask me for my money & time.
Today I give you my honesty & my life
Today I replace you with the pleasures I had sought in the past
Today I lend you my family to take care of
I name you queen to carry forth my name
Do I get anything in return?”
Woman: “Today I seek the shelter of your home & strength Filling it with the love & beauty stored in me
Today I take the right to ask you for your time & money Employing them in ways for our growth & happiness
Today I take your honesty & life & guard them with mine so never to lose even a bit.
Today I take the honor to hold your name & tend to all that concerns you.
Today I seek pleasure from the mere fact that I have someone to share my life with.
Today I leave my family & become a part of yours
Today I leave my name & home to be close to you. Bringing the creativity Nature has blessed me with.
Today I exchange my rest with your needs Giving you the comfort & joy you’d never known before.
Today I give my all for what I may never get in return.
Man: For all the love & joy you promise to bring I hold you as the greatest treasure of my life.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Silent Scream
I reveal my life to you Only to be criticized & degraded
I give you my honesty Only to be labeled
I give my all & you never quit taking
Now when it’s my turn I take back my life & give you only silence.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Misunderstood
We were only trying to find each other
When we sacrificed for each other
Till circumstances forced us to part
You thought what you had to offer wasn’t good enough
So you set me free
I felt my presence not required
So in the silence, we let each other go
Now you swap your wounds with guilt
While I regret letting a beautiful friendship die.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Taboo
Friday, October 07, 2005
Secret Admirer
I sit on my star in the open galaxy Breaking off pieces to throw down into your universe Wouldn’t the sparkle catch your eye?
I lay on my rose in your garden Separating the petals & letting them fall Wouldn’t the fragrance rouse your senses?
I float on the ocean Dripping droplets into your desert Wouldn’t the change give you pleasure?
I wait on the rainbow Giving small spectrums on your water & glass Wouldn’t my art attract you?
I reveal myself in your reflection Showing you the picture of a complete life Wouldn’t you ask me to stay forever?
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
The missing part
That’s our story. Your face no longer intrigues me. Your voice no longer comforts me. Your memories give no feeling. This is the fate you’ve written for yourself. Just let it go. Let it die. Leave our tale to be remembered in ambiguous words-perhaps we’d like to see it that way.
With this song I wrap up the good and the bad times with the faintest of smiles: not even a fraction of what it used to be!
Friday, September 23, 2005
Chained Up
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Tag! Ur it!
Saturday, September 10, 2005
A fool’s paradise
Here I shake In cold sweat of the drugs from your skin Drained & bare of everything including dignity
No way to return to the roads that we left behind Your presence deliberately locked me here I can still see your victorious smile as you walked away So sure that you’d won & left me in chains
Here I Stand In the chains your love bound me in Foolishly not to escape while the chance remained
Here I stand With little but an addicted mind Intently waiting for another dose of your sweet torture
Monday, September 05, 2005
Epitaph
...Someone So watch where you are going!
BE grateful for the blessings in your life You could’ve been in my place Tread no more than already trodden! Request for electricity still unmet! Out to lunch! :D
Dinner at 8.00 See you when you get there! Don’t tread! I’ll be waiting for you at the other end Please respect this place It could happen to you too.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Final time
The final folding of the clothes
I watched leaning against the doorway
Hard to believe that time had actually passed by
Did we ever meet?
How long had it been?
It felt like years & then…
Perhaps never.
I wanted to tell you that I loved you
But I knew you were aware
I would miss everything about you
I had accepted that,
At least to myself
A friendly, tearless goodbye.
Nothing left to say
Emotions stifled,
The good & bad quietly stashed away
Everything seemed vain at the instant
The truth would seep soon.
Glancing over my shoulder for the last time
At the epitome of grace, I sighed
A part I preferred leaving unnamed for so long,
Flickered like the remains of a burnt out candle.
But I blessed my stars for a wonder in my life
Having no clue of where time would leave us
I took my first step towards freedom &
My prison of silence.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Living with Love
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
The Whole Soul story
There's a big change happening & I only seek a refuge within my universe till all the walls have fallen & the storm has passed. Dreams have died & hopes are attending their funeral.
All my life I called out to those I thought were around only to hear the echoes of my own voice saying
"Can you help me?"
Sometimes the sound made me sad, sometimes it left me feeling forlorn but otherwise it gave me a sense of independence. It made me realize that I was strong. It evoked the feeling of a survivor. The voice inside said:
"You were made to survive. You were born to survive & so you shall!"
"This is your universe for you to discover. You are free to do as you will. There is no one timing so go ahead take your time & learn whatever you can on the way. It is you alone to find your path where there is no judge except you. Let your mind be your guide."
It was an prideful position but then insecurity decided to pay a call asking
"What if I can't make it on my own? What if I lose my way or need some help? Can't I find any support?"
Then the provident voice inside spoke:
"Should you need someone, I'll always be here."
I smiled knowing that I would never be alone again.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Pure Ecstasy
Silent Majesty
That’s the only word to describe the thrill that rushes through my body like electricity when I catch the glimpse of that “silent beauty”. I always fantasized standing atop the highest peak with my arms wide open to the sky & my head thrown back to feel the breeze on my face. I was in love with the rocks from the moment I saw the first person sitting on one in some photograph.
Now years older & having experienced the thrill of rock-climbing & hiking I’m still excited like an awed child looking at something fascinating for the first time. The immediate feeling is like the spirit awoken from deep down. There’s an adrenaline rush & I want to just throw a rope to the top & climb up. Strangely I get a maternal feeling from them. I feel like putting my arms around the whole of the mountain & hugging it. I want to caresse the side appearing like velvet covered with the trees & bushes. I want to dive in the cold rivers rushing through its banks. I know there’s no chance of survival with the wild rocks beneath its swooshing waves but that doesn’t stop me wanting to take a dip. They give me life even when my spirits are low. Water gives me a deep feeling. I don’t mind shivering in the chilling waves. I feel my own depth within them. I don’t know how else to say it. It calms me down. It takes away my worries. I feel at home.
The mountains with their majesty stand proud to symbolize strength & ambition. The most dangerous turns don’t scare me. Neither the bumpiest rides nor the toughest rocks make me change my mind. I want to go on & I do. The snow & wind can make me shiver but cannot bar my way. No landslide or an avalanche could scare me away. So I call it love. It’s the most remarkable feeling unlike any other. It says nothing; just quietly stands glowing in its glamour. It’s a refreshing sight to view the trees & flowing waters surrounded by different kinds of rocks. Someone with no love for adventure might tell you that “you see one mountain. You’ve seen them all.” No sir! Not to me. Every rock has its own size, color, texture & shape. Not only that they all have different values. I found pieces of limestone amongst the other rocks. I have a collection of them now that I cherish like jewels. To me they are. I could spend hours quietly admiring Nature. There’s peace in it yet not destroyed by the human hands nor selfish like the human heart.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Think
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Fates Unknown
TODAY I await you not,
I only sit by the window reminiscing The tender moments that fill my mind. Your gentle whisper caresses my ear As I acknowledge your tale with a smile I recall the way you lightly touched my hand Telling me a million tales, spoken in silence.I know not where you are
But like this dandelion I blow you a kiss on the wind


