Graveyard story

(This was the original writing, couldn't resist sharing it. I liked this better even though the other one went with the 'my immortal' lyrics better) She ambled down the graveyard with a lost expression on her face. she tried counting the reasons to live now, failing the attempt. She wanted to break down & cry but the intensity of the pain detached her from life & she felt numb; even to her own body. His agile, lithe body bounced infront of her eyes that registered nothing in the present. His sparkling eyes &wide grin lighted her own. The illusion vanished & she found herself once more in the graveyard.she turned around to have a last look at the little grave, adorned with the fresh pink flowers. Beneatht he same soil were her own joys & dreams buried. Her world that was once colorful was suddenly bleak. She entered her door & his photos surrounded her on all 4 walls. His image danced around her. Just a few hours ago he'd been running in the same halls that were now darkened. Where once he'd given her the incentive to breath & dream, was now the place where his memories haunted her.

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears She walked along the graves, absorbed in herself-her expression, neither of sorrow nor pensive: lost. She conjured the reasons to live & couldn't come up with a single answer. And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave She turned around to have a last look of the tiny grave topped with the fresh pink roses. Her pain was so intense that she felt numb; dead to her own body. She wanted to cry but felt her link broken with mortality; she knew she was still on the ground. 'Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone His lithe body with his naughty grin bounced in front of her, lighting up the side of her smile. She, dwelling in the reverie managed to smile for a moment. She could hear his innocent laughter in her ears & then the illusion vanished; forcing her back to her world. These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase She walked on, nothing to hold on to from the past: nothing for the future as she buried her hopes & dreams, beneath the soil of the grave. When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have All of me There was no question that he was her world; her life; her song. He was the meaning. He was everything. Nothing could tear them apart-nothing except death. You used to captivate me By your resonating life Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind He had brought so much love & laughter in her life when it was falling to pieces. He had given her hope to survive when her chances were nil. He gave her strength to face her troubles & succeed. He reawakened her dreams & a whole wonderful new life. His joy revoked her own. She felt human having him in her life. Your face it haunts My once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away All the sanity in me She entered her door to find the darkness. A few hours eariler his laughter had echoes in the halls. She'd chased him while playing. He'd ran with the roses she'd bought for someone else. Now those roses lay on his grave. His immortal soul swept across the halls. His photgraphs surrounded her, on all 4 walls. His dazzling smile & his sparkling eyes, captured & frozen for endless time. I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along Alone once before him, alone once again, she faced her future. She didn;t know what would become of her dreams. The only thing that seemed worthwhile was the dagger lying across the kitchen table. She promised to join him soon. She couldn't imagine her life without him, till then his memories would haunt and please-perhaps be the only company till death wouldn't either keep them apart.

Fears & Hopes

There’s a door for a new world open for me but I stand afar, frightened like a child. There are fears about what that door has behind it yet there is a strange curiosity. My mind desperately clings to the fears it had harbored since childhood of where it might lead to. With the fear comes the need to control, so try to conjure how I’d feel if I walked through. But how could I say when I don’t even know what’s there? I don’t know what I’m hoping for. I look back & there’s no other route. I stand in the middle of nowhere, unable to go back, & too afraid to step ahead. Could I be happy? Will I get everything I want or would be a lifetime of silence? No one knows my story; no one will understand what happened.

Memorable moment

I stood atop the highest peak I could find. One part of my life was over, for which I was grateful. I’d been through as much manipulation as had been loved. Sometimes miracles happen, this was one. I felt so light despite knowing that in another part of the town someone else was crying.

<>I sighed, out of relief & maybe some heartache. Nevertheless I was easy.

I opened my eyes to find the sun setting. The skies were a resplendent splash of violets, oranges & pinks- a rare combination but the most spectacular view possible. Naturally the remains of my feelings dissolved as I watched the colors merge & the darkness make its way in.

The wind blew & I let my hair loose to let them beat with the breezes. My folded arms relaxed as I put them into my pockets. My tensed face smoothed into a pensive but calm state.

The last of the scarlet reminded me of the recent fight. It was the shade of blood. We’d bled together, I recalled the way you’d seared my skin with glass in your lusty rage. It still haunted me.

The pink reminded me of my first sip of champagne, on our date-your eyes intently grazing at me while I lifted the glass to my lips.

Orange was the curtains you had put in your studio, where we’d endless photography sessions of me, followed by hours of love-making.

The seeping moonlight reminded of the white dress I wore at the last dance, the way you held me by the arms to take a look at it. How you constantly sought excuses to caress my neck with your lips! You said you loved the floral scent of my perfume. It was one of the best of times.

Black was the cloud setting on our lives now. The sky had painted the whole story in a short time. I wore black too-celebrating the funeral of our lives.

I had no regrets for it to be over. There was no going back. We’d a great time, good times as well as bad. We’d been through so much together. But it was time to abandon what only caused pain & bitterness now.

There’d be someone else for the two of us. Perhaps in another life, if we could patch up our flaws we’d survive. In this lifetime, our places weren’t together. I belonged to someone else-perhaps Nature. I had always been identified with the wind-perhaps I was. I wish you enough love that you’d make it through this life & take a bow to pursue my life in peace.

Human stain

I was temporarily working in the children’s cancer ward. I was still discovering my job as a counselor there, while noting the distress parents went through for their children & the sickness concerned. Not a great position for you to be in, when people are carrying fragile lives in their arms with pleading eyes to save the greatest treasures of their lives. No one could retain the lives Lord had decided to place into heaven quickly. It was a difficult situation nevertheless. One day a girl, more familiar to the place than me, was wheeled in. She kept crying without consolation. The entire team gathered around to tend but she wouldn’t stop, fearing that the chemotherapy would cause the hair-loss & ruined her skin etc. I listened patiently & tried to console as much as I could. I later learnt that she’d been in therapy since 3 years & had developed the cancer at the age of 12. I also learnt her name “Kanwal” meaning ‘flower’. She was from the east, perhaps Indian. She turned out to be my favorite & she started to really like me because I always went to ask her & give her time. Not trained enough in those days I didn’t understand the procedures such as the Lumbar puncture (which was to extract a little of the spinal fluid & investigate for various cells for diagnosis of the stage & type of cancer) & others. It just amazed me to see the will these patients had to hold on to life. That was when I really learnt to value all that I was blessed with. Just a doctor(actually a student in a white-coat then) going up to someone to ask how they were, to stand for 5 minutes & listen to the patient’s feelings & fears, to be there to give a hand to console for just 2 minutes meant so much to her. In those eyes I learnt what fear of dying was like. I could not extent her time on earth. I could only try to encourage her to live better in the time she was allowed. Perhaps she understood. She always felt better after talking with me. She asked for me when I wasn’t around & anticipated my visit as soon as she arrived. I reciprocated the feelings to a great extent. She taught me the value of human compassion. Then one day I hoped that she would come for a check-up so I could give her this rose I’d been saving for someone worthwhile since years. I knew she was the perfect candidate. My working period in that ward was over. Fortunately she came. She felt a bit shy at first then took it, with pleasure gleaming in her usually sad eyes-the eyes that longed to see better days. She held my hand for a few minutes & then had to be taken for her tests so I didn’t get a chance to see her again. I watched her being taken in the examination room as they made her change into a gown. Morosely I whispered a sotto-voce goodbye. I knew my voice couldn’t mange to break her heart that I wouldn’t see her again. I left the building that day, ambivalent about the situation. There was a contentment that she’d remember someone sincerely cared about her. On the other hand equally sad that I was leaving her alone with her dreams of dressing up & braids. I would never return to those gates, would never know if her dreams came true & whether she won the battle of life or surrendered to Heaven.

Original thoughts

" If one person loves you with their heart & soul, you'll find a meaning of life in it But if one person hurts you, step out & see how little the value is of one person."

 "Dont pretend to attach importance to something that doesnt have any value to u Because it may deprive the person for whom it may actually have a lot of importance."

Fallen

Your name reverberates in my head
Preventing me from living & forbidding me to die
Its caustic, flares up tormenting pain
& its sweetness lures me back into that hell.
Warning signs had done little but challenge
I chose to fall into your seductive abyss
Not knowing that its light had been consumed
& I became the permanent prisoner of darkness.
Your celestial image walks in front of my eyes
My tortured mind speaks your name in sleep & rising
These tears damn you quietly
As much as these senses cry out in longing.
There’s nothing besides this endless falling-
My cursed fate for being in love with you!

Dream Come true

A child's wish, a woman's dream...thanks to all my readers for making it come true. {the counter just crossed 1000} :) hope we enjoy all the upcoming time together. Thank you once agian. Words fall short expressing the joy & gratitude I feel .