Tuesday, March 22, 2005

A treasure discovered but late

I miss him. I miss all the time that we shared & all that we missed out on. I miss the times he held my hand & guided me through our early days. I miss the times he ran through hazards to get me the things I loved. I miss playing & laughing with him. Those never returning tender moments lost in the waves of time. I miss the way he teased me. All those times that I’d screamed to be left alone. I miss the way he dragged me with him. Those times that I’d enjoyed despite the fuss I created. I miss the way he accompanied me on those long miles. Never caring whatever anyone thought & just enjoyed our journey. I miss being encouraged by him. The way he would assuredly say “you can do it!” & I did. I miss the times we competed & joshed only with the spirit of sport. I wish we had learnt earlier. I wish I’d taken the time to be the person he’d count on. I wish there was lesser of what was right or wrong than about unity & support. I wish we’d understood then what it’d mean to be apart & grown older. They told us then “you’ll miss it all when you’ve grown up.” I wish we’d been wiser but then what’s a child if he’s wise? I wish I’d more time than I do. I wish I’d sought the companionship he so many times offered. I wish we were better friends than be turned out to be. Why did I never have the courage to tell him that he’d always been my source of inspiration? Why did I never tell him that I was really proud of him? Why didn’t I ever tell him that I wished that I could be as good as he was? Why didn’t I ever thank him for standing out for me & making me who I am? Why didn’t I thank him for the support he gave me despite me never doing the same for him? I wish I’d told him that he made me feel good. But why had I been so blindly selfish? I miss running with him. I miss telling the world that we were going for a walk & nobody was going to have it any other way. I wish we’d always been so united. We’d have been the best friends ever. I want to turn back the clock & get things the way they could have been but I’m losing even the time I have left. I wish we had more time than we do. Tomorrow there’ll be someone else by his side & our days would be over. I wanted that in some way but not anymore. I would miss him so much more. No more crazy rides together. No more going tracking to the hills by his side. What would happen to our crazy jokes, our foolish dramatic acts? Just a room away I feel like running to him & saying “don’t forget us!” {Seems it’s still about usL} Foolish pride keeps the lips silence. There’s so much to thank him for yet he hardly ever heard a word. Well should teach us to make the best of what we have & that to come. Hope he finds bliss in those to come even though our days would be done. Well, seems we got our chances even if we didn’t use them well. I just wanted to say “I miss you already, brother.”

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