Sunday, November 14, 2004
“A fragment of a dream gone by Regretful memories but the eyes are dry The soul experienced the deepest cut Now pain wouldn’t let these restless eyes shut.” Yes, beloved that is what my life has been like since the day u exited my door. What happened to those promises you made? What became of those fiery meetings we so often shared? Those wild desires unrestrained. Those promise filled evenings. The days your gifts & your presence made special. Where did they all go? Does someone else lay her head where I used to? Do you smile at her the way you smiled at me? Does my thought ever cross your mind or has she replaced those as well? Did you ever really love me or was it just a game for you? I wish that I could abandon your thoughts just the way you abandoned me but I can’t. If I open my mouth to speak the only word that comes out is your name. I lie here all day allowing your thoughts to torture me. How long has it been since the last time you came to collect your clothes? Wasn’t it the same day you said you’d never want to see me again? You gave me no reason. You said I didn’t need to know everything in your life. I remember it better now. Was too shocked & broken then, to know what was going on. How long has it been? 3 days, a week, I’ve lost track of time. Don’t even have the energy to drag myself from this floor. Wish I’d dug a grave earlier so could’ve crawled into it. Have no strength to move or to speak. You were everything to me. You were the only one I loved & cherished. I asked nothing more from life. I began living the day I met you. I was a nobody but you gave me identity. Now I’ve lost everything. I could’ve sworn you were made for me. How is it that you didn’t think the same? Wasn’t I good enough for you? Please tell me what I lacked. What is it that this girl has that I didn’t? I could’ve buried you in money or affection alike. I had the looks. I had the status. I had the faith & talent. What is it that you left me for? Are you happy now? How long will she entertain you? Will you desert her too when your restless heart gets bored of the same face? Look at this floor. It’s streaked with rivulets of dried tears. All those tears I shed perhaps more for myself than for you. My eyes hurt from lack of rest. Wish you’d tell me what was on your mind when you left. I could’ve given my life for you. Maybe you should’ve asked me to die for you. I’d have died with honor rather than lie here-neither dead nor alive. You would’ve had your freedom & I would’ve been at rest too. Would you come once just to see me? But that won’t make any difference to you. I remember you told me that your past had no meaning for you. Yeah, you did always live for the moment. I guess I was the foolish one. I was the one who found it hard to move on. I had always been that way. Whatever I had, I wanted for keeps. I didn’t think that one day you’d change & walk away. I should’ve been prepared but I guess I ignored the signs. Love is blind isn’t it? I had so many dreams. I had planned my whole life around you. I thought you shared my dreams. What happened then? Did you just lead me on & never actually meant them? How could you be so cruel? I guess it would’ve been very enjoyable for you to toy with my emotions. You wouldn’t have cared what would happen after that did you? Was it that or did you actually look forward to it? I do wish I could be a part of your life the way you had been mine. If there’d another life I’d like to know about what happened between us. There might be hope of revival there, but here I doubt I’d survive the poison given by the thought of you.