Sunday, November 14, 2004

Scent in the wind

From Bonny To Hawk
 What is your life like my dear? Are you at peace now? I do hope that you remember me. I was your best friend. We shared a friendship like that of the ocean & its winds. You recall don’t you? Well life has been drearier than ever since the day you walked away. You shouldn’t have treated me this way. I was your girl. I had become that since the day you compelled me to live. I had nothing left in my life after losing my son. I had little in life anyways. After losing at the attempt of trying to live several times I was ready to quit, but you always held me from running into eternity. You said you needed me & then you even refused to let me walk beside you. Didn’t you see that this body breathed only for you? I was ready to fight the world for you, with you & only you. I couldn’t even speak for myself. When it was about you I could counter every comment & objection. I could kill for you but had no voice for any injustice done to me or anyone else. You weren’t mine but I do like to believe you were. I suppose we never needed to label the things we had. We had everything didn’t we? Funny still that we’d get nothing except balderdash. Life has strange roads. We walked many of those together- miles away but a breath apart! The once poison feeders still continue, but now you aren’t here to rescue me. My tongue is tied. I suffer in silence. I wait at these shores that perhaps one day you might come to see me. I might relate my stories to you. Life has been hard since you left. Maybe its easier. No one needs to bother about me anymore. Their fears are over. They all settled the day you died. Too bad I died with you, but they don’t see. They think it’s the memories of the affair. They think I’m in love. I wasn’t in love. I was the soul that dwelled in your body. When your body died, this soul had nowhere to go. They can’t understand that. No one would believe that we could communicate without needing even consciousness. Don’t know why I can’t seem to find you now. Is my mortality a barrier? It never meant anything before. What’s it like now to be free? Is it restless like the way this life was? I’ve heard that there’s peace in eternity. Hope you are happy there. You’d had your share of pain in this life. Do you want to know about my existence? It’s empty. It’s meaningless. It’s fake the way it’d been before I started counting on you. I, as usual smile but feel nothing. There’s this relentless coldness within like cold coal. Once the fire of your love kept the body warm that now nothing does. How could anything replace you anyways? Nothing can. Never could. How could one soul belong to more than one body? I was yours & only yours. I could’ve had anyone else but there was no one else for me. You were the truest love I’d ever known. The world should’ve acknowledged us. It’d made them forget Romeo & Juliet. But no one would have believed us right? They never did.

We were always notorious despite doing nothing. Wish we’d run away, too bad our feet were chained by our sense of responsibility. The price we paid to be committed-we always lost. But that was what kept us together. I didn’t mind any loss as long as you were there. I had everything when I was with you. You were everything! Time flies when your having fun, they said it well. Didn’t know that you’d go away so fast or time would fly by so soon. I wish I could share one lifetime with you. It would be better if that lifetime lasts an eternity. Don’t think any amount of time is enough. I wonder if eternity would even seem short. As far as this world is concerned it has no colors anymore. Just seems grey everywhere. You gave it color & granted it meaning. There’s nothing left to see in it anymore. Flowers have no fragrance & food has no taste. That laughter you loved, you took along. At least I know it’ll live there. Here it would’ve been murdered. I owe you for keeping it safe. I did cherish it myself. Perhaps lesser than you, so I suppose it belonged to you.

This body only glows in the places embraced by you. The rest of it is numb. It’s used for someone else’s pleasure but it feels nothing. Nothing at all! The mind & heart forgot to love or hate. It knows only you. It feels only you. It lusts only for you. It longs a look from you. It burns with the longing of your touch. It dies then wakes only to see you. Your memories fuel it. Your love stables it. It refuses to contribute to this world what doesn’t have your name. Well then, it can’t because its existence ended with yours. I’m yours completely. No other love can replace. My soul was interlaced with yours. No one can break us apart. Never did. Never will. You were my world. I know you await me. I will be with you soon. No incomplete soul could exist: therefore I don’t exist. What belongs to you will be returned. It’s only a matter of moments. I’ll fill your world, silently & softly like a scent in the wind…

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