Sunday, January 09, 2005
Please be kind & allow me to fool myself for once. Let me pretend that anything you do has no effect on me. Let me indulge in the illusion that I have all the pieces of my life planned & perfected. I’ll imagine that everything I want would be totally under my control. Allow me to think that I’m more capable than I am. I love you more than I’d like to believe. I dream more than I’d like to admit. I’m more naïve than I’d like to accept. I pretend that I’m insensitive when I’m really not. My idealizations are what keep me alive. I believe I’m practical even if I’m not. At least in my mind I can get everything I could ever desire. I can fool myself that my whole life is exactly how I’d like it to be. That is what keeps me happy & going. If I could convince myself that I have all that I ever asked for & am satisfied, so I can be that. Even if my life is a sham & pieces of a broken picture, I could still carry on. I’d smile through the water raised in the eyes, pretending that it’s a glass film beyond which is my wonderland that’s just blurred. If I ignore the reality for my benefit don’t pull me back. Allow me to remain in the reverie of pleasure. Imagination is such a blessing. It’s great to be able to achieve anything & everything that would otherwise seem so impossible & that too without effort. What more could one ask for if we could spend the whole life drifting in blissful dreams without a care in this world?