Monday, January 24, 2005
I’m making myself the prisoner of life. I’m digging my own grave still walking on its earth. I’ve walked out on those who loved me since long & I’m leaving behind the last of the ones who do. I’m sailing into the darkest winds, beyond the sight of humans so no one will ever find me. I’ve begun to detest life & all that comes with it. I want to break free from the ties of flesh & blood & perhaps become immortal. I have journeyed far, away from these sands of Earth. I have toured different skies & seas & ridden on winged horses. I have traveled really far & my memory retains the stories. I have danced on the spray of the water & I have hummed to the sound of the dripping spring. Hear their voices call from within the caves in the mountains. They sound so lovely. I have raced with the wind in the fields & I’ve tumbled with the flowers in the grass. I’ve caressed the silk of beauty & strengthened with the falling dew. I saw the boats I once rowed down one of the rivers. It crossed the land of the fairies & they’d greeted me as I sailed. I heard the buttercups too & I joined the elves in their games. It was so sweet. I visited the honeybee’s hive & the queen honored me with the gift of their precious gold. The finest honey I’d ever tasted. The king of Rocks saw me & took me on a tour of the treasures underground. I walked through miles of gold & gems-the kind I’d never seen in my whole life. He offered me a souvenir but I refused, expressing much gratitude. As I returned from my journey it seemed to be a different place. I’ve watched the sun set behind the ocean while standing atop the rocks. I saw flashes of the hourglass: I’ve watched its sands slipping. I hoped that it was just a nightmare, as I watched the light extinguish & darkness spread across to blacken out the sea & its shore. I wished to drift away with the tides or the wind but I opened my eyes to find my own prison-an unfulfilled wish that led me to seek my grave on land. It was a soil that didn’t bear my name. I drag the chains I’m tied in wherever I go. I walk away from all that’s familiar in hope to get lost within crowds where no one will know me & be led into the unknown to perhaps find a life again.