Monday, December 06, 2004
I got a bouquet for you. Wouldn’t you like to see? Just a few more hours before it withers! It’s got glitter sprinkled on it. I looked at it & don’t know why I thought of you. Hmm... Everything reminds of you anyways. I don’t know why I imagine you wearing the clothes I see or think what you’d think when I write something & even rehearse all the words picturing you before we meet. I remember you when I see your favorite food. I want you beside me when I go to a new place. I want you to share everything I experience from movies to new adventures. I live from moment to moment of reminiscing the time I share with you. Would you call this obsession? I do. You know something? I really don’t want you to find out. I’ll find it humiliating. I don’t want to tell you that I love you this much. It might drive you away. I don’t want to lose you. I really don’t. I would never have the courage to ask you to stay should you pack & go. I feel I’m the weaker one. It makes me pity myself & that’s something I don’t want to do. If I ever had the courage I’d have told you that the worst day of my life was when you left for that vacation of yours. I still remember the pain I went through. I never told you about it. I used to live to hear your voice just once. I wouldn’t spare a chance to check my mail. I tried to convince myself that I was getting over you but I knew it wasn’t true. The entire time felt like a trying period. I was happy as a lark the day you returned. I blessed my stars for returning you home. Oh God! What would you think if you knew that I soliloquy all day imagining to be talking to you? I know I’m crazy. I can’t help it. See I’m doing it even now. I fear that you would look at this & guess it’s about you, but I hope you won’t. Emotions are such a confuse lot, aren’t they? Always ripping us in opposite directions! I want you to know, yet I don’t. I want to love you, yet I deny. Would you like to know that I have the bouquet lying next to my arm? Well it’s for you. Here let me seal it with a kiss. I wish I could find an excuse to give it to you, but it won’t happen today. Unfortunately, tomorrow it’d no longer be presentable. Well I guess then I’d let it lie here. At least the thought was there, even if I couldn’t share it. I’ll let it kindle your sweet thoughts with its fragrance. That would sure make me happy, perhaps you’d know about it someday.