The Journey

I’m making myself the prisoner of life. I’m digging my own grave still walking on its earth. I’ve walked out on those who loved me since long & I’m leaving behind the last of the ones who do. I’m sailing into the darkest winds, beyond the sight of humans so no one will ever find me. I’ve begun to detest life & all that comes with it. I want to break free from the ties of flesh & blood & perhaps become immortal. I have journeyed far, away from these sands of Earth. I have toured different skies & seas & ridden on winged horses. I have traveled really far & my memory retains the stories. I have danced on the spray of the water & I have hummed to the sound of the dripping spring. Hear their voices call from within the caves in the mountains. They sound so lovely. I have raced with the wind in the fields & I’ve tumbled with the flowers in the grass. I’ve caressed the silk of beauty & strengthened with the falling dew. I saw the boats I once rowed down one of the rivers. It crossed the land of the fairies & they’d greeted me as I sailed. I heard the buttercups too & I joined the elves in their games. It was so sweet. I visited the honeybee’s hive & the queen honored me with the gift of their precious gold. The finest honey I’d ever tasted. The king of Rocks saw me & took me on a tour of the treasures underground. I walked through miles of gold & gems-the kind I’d never seen in my whole life. He offered me a souvenir but I refused, expressing much gratitude. As I returned from my journey it seemed to be a different place. I’ve watched the sun set behind the ocean while standing atop the rocks. I saw flashes of the hourglass: I’ve watched its sands slipping. I hoped that it was just a nightmare, as I watched the light extinguish & darkness spread across to blacken out the sea & its shore. I wished to drift away with the tides or the wind but I opened my eyes to find my own prison-an unfulfilled wish that led me to seek my grave on land. It was a soil that didn’t bear my name. I drag the chains I’m tied in wherever I go. I walk away from all that’s familiar in hope to get lost within crowds where no one will know me & be led into the unknown to perhaps find a life again.

Living To achieve

“It’s only the thrill of the chase” she said unmoved by emotion. It seems like she’d gotten used to living like that. She seemed not to care about anything. It was easy for her to simply shrug off everything. She needed no interference in her life. She liked keeping her life clear of troubles, especially of other people. To her it seemed easy to find company & should some of the acquaintances become burdensome, she moved away to let them pass.
“There are others who can take care of them” she thought. She knew she was right. For her the only thing that mattered was her achievement. She wanted to aspire & would use any possible ladder to get there; not that she used people but knew how to work hard. It was simple for her to love & if she found good people she liked chasing them but attached no strings. She couldn’t bear the thought of being tied. She loved her freedom like a dying man loves life. Her fantasies consisted of blowing winds, standing on top of mountains & clear seas. She was in love with nature & nothing else. She wanted only that.

There was such a vast world & she wanted to be part of everything. She wanted to live away from everyone. There were better things to do. There was more life out there than hanging on to anyone or anything. She was too impatient & got bored by routine. She was restless & needed change constantly which made her pursue something new every time; that could be any person or even a subject or place. She wanted excitement & adventure so she picked up people-on-the-go. It became kind of a habit then. Perhaps it was her past that made her like that. The people she’d tried holding on to, deserted her, so she learnt to live. Or maybe it was another learning experience she subjected herself to.

She needed to survive & wanted to be prepared the best. They taught her well anyhow. She was a good learner. No one would’ve thought that she’d go this far, but then no one gave guarantees for life anyways. She wanted to turn hard. She’d planned on it. She wanted to care about no one. She wanted the love in her to die. She knew she would make it hard for others but then she made life easy for herself. She was strong enough to survive on her own. She knew that well. Others weren’t her concern. The world could find other means to survive. There was life for everyone who wished to seek it. She had her own to live.

The Bermuda In Us

I suppose there’s a part in all of us where emotions lose their effect. There’s a steely surface where the greatest tragedy hits & disappears like something over the Bermuda Triangle; just vanishes without a trace. It goes beyond sight into a region where there’s no chance of discovery again. Such are we, that we deny that there’s another feeling beyond ours. The mortal pain we so often come across becomes numb. Everything that we’d like for ourselves we fail to give to another. The fires that burn inside us too, we comprehend, yet not care. Even throw holy water & it’ll turn to steam & float away.

Consider the simile of the Bermuda triangle where the greatest of vessels quietly vanish from the surface of the earth: no one to state where they end up & those capable of relating the stories cease to exist. Such is bitterness. The body where it abodes, it dulls! The eyes see, the heart feels, the mind understands yet it doesn’t matter. The hatred flaming inside doesn’t allow a change for the better. It’ll prod to be unleashed & destroy but not heal. There may be some remnants in a good heart to extent himself for the sake of another but it won’t permit. It’ll take over & kill the senses that feel something. It cannot bear the thought of saving another’s soul. “Let them die” you hear it call from within. “Don’t care” it tells you. “Turn & walk away” comes the last command.

You obey, as you were meant to follow. A common outcome we all are aware of. We know what it is like, because we’ve been in both the situations. We’ve resented as well as been despised. We’ve all faced situations when we need someone around yet search in vain. Even warm hearts at times can grow cold. The truest of hearts tire of beating for the love unreturned: only to wake one morning & find their insides like frost over a doused candle. There takes over an emptiness that never lived before-a sensation like death within & nothing subsisting anymore. The once wet eyes dried & cold continue the remains of the journey. They see all that pain inside another & simply turn away. Just shrug it off. No one bothered to save them & they’ve come far. They say to let others find their own way out. The strongest of them will survive; for the others ‘Que sera sera’(what will be will be).

TO...

Another night without you
My heart has grown cold since you’ve been gone
Misery has befriended me
Only silence tortures my weary ears & images of you torment my idle sleep.
 Your smile still lights up the dark
Your laughter echoes in this empty room
Your image replays your footsteps & the scent of your perfume still remains, enkindling the pain.
 This room has become cold in your absence & not even the fires of hell can warm it
Just the thought of your touch arouses me
Just the contemplation of your eyes soothe me
Just the perception of your face comforts me
But I know these fancies are delusive
 Death is better than this misery
It is greater than these sleepless nights
 Preferable than this ill-fated romance
And much healthier than this wretched life.

The last petal

How to relate the words that torment within? What term would define the kind of life it’s been? What to do when the living the loved ones take away? Unaware they extinguish the light from the day. Lips don’t speak for it’s a matter of the heart Better to hold the throe than to drift apart Time would fare only to eat at the core Unfortunately the price of deception is always more. Stand ashore hoping the winds to carry away the pain Grey clouds came but brought no rain Counted on nature but received no solace & so it became another step to fall from grace. Unwritten messages choked the air Utterances could’ve conveyed but the heart couldn’t bear A little light in the tunnel that too faded with time With time, the dying melody completely lost its rhyme. Like to the dead the sun gave no warmth Carved a thousand smiles but dwelled without a soul Prayed for peace & Heaven granted a place The spirit lifted & left a petal as its trace.

Born Alittle Different

Lie to me that there’s going to be life for me irrespective of whatever happens. Tell me that this is an easy road no matter what the path may hold. I’m tired of believing in my own lies that there’s hope even if keeping my expectations low. You tell me that I dream & compliment my writing style. I’d only answer that that is all the treasure I have. I wish you knew how it felt to not be like all the others. You can’t even conjure the pain of not being able to get the things that hold the greatest meaning in life. Try & imagine it-but you won’t be able to. I dream of what others can’t even think & that is my problem. I reach for places in hope to get there but anticipate little. I know I’m foolish but then the situation would’ve been different if those around me could see what I was living for. It would’ve all been possible. I know that it’s easier said than done.

 Once upon a time everything seemed achievable. Fantasy was more real than reality itself. There were hopes. There were loads of prospects. Things were simpler than. There seemed to be ample time to do everything. Somehow time aged too soon. Sands slipped by too fast to gather. Where were we then? Why is it that ‘one day’ was a long time then & now appears that it’s already gone without even showing up? Why when we were reaching the skies then, are we digging the grounds now? Were we so foolish to think that what was beyond our sight then, would be accessible later? Why were we so imprudent to fix our eyes on what we wanted rather than turn around & see a different picture? Had we been forced to think the way others think back then, accepting rules would’ve been easier. Had we shared the same dreams we could’ve been happier today. We wouldn’t be asking for what no one else would’ve demanded. We’d have considered good what you consider well; than to come up with rules & thoughts of our own. It would’ve solved so many misunderstandings. That thing that you contemplate as a string of roses, I wouldn’t have thought as chains around my feet. That is what wasn’t expected 2 decades ago when I came in this world. You didn’t know I’d grow to be like this. You thought that I would automatically follow you just the way the rest of the world follows what’s been going on since years. I wasn’t supposed to mature as a rebel to the society or the traditions & cultures. I never knew that there was a world that held beliefs not-like-mine. I thought we were the same. And even if we weren’t I believed that we could be free & we’d learn from each other & this world would be a pleasant place. Damnation of innocence! I didn’t know that I carving Hell for myself!

 You wouldn’t know the tears that I shed for the price I’d to pay. You can’t even think of the path I’ve journeyed. You don’t see those lands because you’re blinded by the precedents. You hear no voices beyond humans because your soul’s been slaved to the world & its associates. The only colors you see are those that have been printed by another. You see nothing else. You know no other way to communicate than with those around you. But stand in my shoes & tell me that you’ve seen this all before. Convince me that there’s another being who longs for what I crave. I await those tidings. I know that I wait in vain. I know that I’m here alone & will always be the only one. I know those shoes fit none but me.
I’m not Cinderella whose prince will rescue her. There is no prince for me. These God forsaken walls are all the life I expect to live. You read but you still can’t comprehend. These words are written with the blood of my heart, but for you it’s typing on a page. Each word is soaked with the tears from my eyes but for you it’s the same old text. You only see what your eyes want to see. You don’t understand but it’s not your fault. The only culprit is me. I’m the only dreamer & I alone suffer. No one else deserves the imprisonment for the crime that I’ve committed on my own. Maybe if you saved me earlier I might’ve been different. I wish I was like all the others if that was what could’ve granted peace. It would’ve been worth being just another face in the crowd.

 Could you blame me if I’m giving up on life? I learnt now what I should’ve known earlier. There’s no hope for me. I sing songs to condole the death of my broken dreams. I keep convincing myself that there is life beyond; despite the walls I’m entrapped within. I seek mortal excuses to claim immortality but this body refuses to obey my commands. I knew there would come a day that I would stand ashore & would hit upon my reflection as a stranger to myself. I knew I wouldn’t be the person I’d kept the image of, all those childhood years. Why do you hold it against me when I say I’m a loner? Look around & see that there is no one like me in this place. Do you blame me for preferring my own company than to that of people? It’s when no one seems to fulfill my needs that I have to find another town to escape to. I want to be who I am. But why is it that no one understands even that? Once if there were little expectations, we still had hope that brought us far. Today we have neither: no dreams, no expectations, no hope…nothing. Not even the will. There seems to be no purpose for waking each morning only to lose another part of what once used to be. Seems simpler to await death than to dare fantasize again or live like a zombie. I can’t pretend to be happy when my world falls before my own eyes. I can’t bear the pain to watch it crumble to pieces what had been my rock to stand on all those years. How could I let go of what had given me strength & brought me so far? I’ll need to retrace my steps on the path I crossed to find my smile again. These walls will only kill what remains of a good soul. These feet knew to fly but forgot when they started looming these earthly grounds. They’re still young & capable of relearning what they knew once. Lie & tell me that I’ll be alright. Say that I’ve done well over these years & could turn out to be what I’d always dreamt of. Tell me that I have a bright future. I haven’t lost sight of these boundaries but try & make me see beyond them. I’m afraid to do it alone now. I might fail. Help me see my old world then kindly break my ties with this one. Set my soul free & I shall bless thee as the last breath gets carried by the wind…

Daydreamer

Please be kind & allow me to fool myself for once. Let me pretend that anything you do has no effect on me. Let me indulge in the illusion that I have all the pieces of my life planned & perfected. I’ll imagine that everything I want would be totally under my control. Allow me to think that I’m more capable than I am. I love you more than I’d like to believe. I dream more than I’d like to admit. I’m more naïve than I’d like to accept. I pretend that I’m insensitive when I’m really not. My idealizations are what keep me alive. I believe I’m practical even if I’m not. At least in my mind I can get everything I could ever desire. I can fool myself that my whole life is exactly how I’d like it to be. That is what keeps me happy & going. If I could convince myself that I have all that I ever asked for & am satisfied, so I can be that. Even if my life is a sham & pieces of a broken picture, I could still carry on. I’d smile through the water raised in the eyes, pretending that it’s a glass film beyond which is my wonderland that’s just blurred. If I ignore the reality for my benefit don’t pull me back. Allow me to remain in the reverie of pleasure. Imagination is such a blessing. It’s great to be able to achieve anything & everything that would otherwise seem so impossible & that too without effort. What more could one ask for if we could spend the whole life drifting in blissful dreams without a care in this world?

The Devil’s Dance

Tear the earth into a thousand pieces
Stab the heart till the last beat ceases
Dry up even the last pint of every ocean
But nothing will change this burning emotion.

Settled with love till played with fire
Then burning became the only desire
Experienced hurt then a restless heart
Then wished those feelings would never depart.

Ever heard of the devil falling in love?
That feeling’s attributed to only celestial beings above
The Satan is true to himself alone
Fire will melt what’s only flesh & bone.

Younger years taught how to cry
But the fire drank till the eyes were dry
The heat & hurt tried to intimidate
But I’d asked the fire to become my fate.

Experience of the first burn then wanted till the last
When wanted to turn around, time moved too fast
The first look at the player of fire had me entranced
Then nothing seemed more exciting than the devil’s dance.

Chain these legs & tie these arms
Blind the eyes but he won’t lose his charm
For him I’ll be till the last breath
Only his fire will give an honorable death.

The fire’s hurt is the sweetest pain
Enticing the devil ended in vain
He wasn’t the one to take a fall
I surrendered to burn my body & all.

Contented was the heart with each painful infliction
The devilish charms were a sweet addiction
Knew that the skies would never be blue again
But his fiery magic bid me to remain.

Too blinded by love to mind the pain
Fire was a passion too wonderful to abstain
Then what was peace compared to this life
When I’d vowed to become the devil’s wife.

Stab the heart or body a thousand times
But I’ve lived the moment meant to be mine
Nothing matters-not rain nor storms
The passion of fire will keep me warm.

Burn the moon or put out the sun
Nothing will cause this feeling to come undone
The mountains can tumble & even when the stars wont shine
My heart will belong to the devil for eternal time.

Peace & sleep hold no charm
Wanted a dance in the devil’s arms
Games of fire have made me insane
Now want to burn in it till nothing remains!

Death Of A Dream

It was a dream that felt so real
Arousing immaculate emotions so hard to conceal
There was invincibility in innocence
Now the hour glass has faded leaving only pretense.
 Remnants of sand will slip too soon
Then raise the eyelids to find it’s noon
The crystal ball shows nothing of what the future should’ve been & denying the truth is such a sin.
 Like a knife, its flesh sears
Invisible to the mortal eye the whirlpool appears
Here’re stone eyes where visions don’t exist
The decks & halls are only one’s mists.
 Dead ears where sound & silence is the same
It’s not the ears but the heart is to blame
Innocence is foolish to create wonderlands
To forget that Destiny is only in Fate’s hand.
 & like a dream the fantasy will die
The ocean will swell to wave it goodbye
Prayer of another would be granted it seems
 But for me, it’ll just be the death of a dream.

Clinging to a memory

Holding onto you feels like I’m holding on to a memory
 Believing in something the eyes can’t see 
Talking to myself, pretending that you are there
 Like a foolish child, despite being much aware. 
 Why do I hold on only to be hurt? 
Chase u like a puppy, just to be kicked into dirt! 
Faithful like the shore I continue to wait 
Idly believe in changing the obvious fate. 
 I love u still, or so I believe, My world will turn cold if u ever leave 
These illusions I create to have something to hold onto 
Setting myself for heartbreak by loving what isn’t true!

Lingering on love

One last tear for the beloved
 One last time before closing the book 
Would love to hold on, despite vain But the picture of reality’s changing. 
 One last prayer for happiness 
The last nurturing of the garden of memories 
Fostered with devotion, all that will tomorrow die 
One last turn to whisper goodbye. 
 These feet would tread those grounds no more 
Chained they will be the day after 
These arms would reach out no more 
Clasped with hands, that won’t be yours. 
 One last sigh for the fading dream 
Wish that time would learn to wait 
Should’ve been strong in resisting love 
Would’ve been spared the wounds that now won’t heal. 
 The last whisper to bid childhood goodbye 
One last wish to hold your hand 
These memories will tomorrow be buried 
Along with the dreams I depicted of you. 
 Cry me a tear, to pretend that it mattered to you 
Bid farewell like you’ll miss me, as I leave 
One last time, for my stay is short & as I commit to someone else, I’ll set you free.

End Of The Love Reign

You were not for me. Just like no one ever had been. It wasn’t like it was beyond expectation nevertheless it should’ve been painful. Perhaps it sounds far-fetched but it’s the truth. What’s hurt when it becomes a part of life? It’s not a new addition that would bring a change. Being a norm, anything coming is easy to tolerate. What’s disappointment? Please remind me the feeling that I’ve forgotten since some time. You’re gone, so what? Your presence did not make nor left any change. Could it be that after all this time I’ve grown cold? Or is that disposition due to the fact that you put in very little to what we shared? Well in either case it made no difference. It’s good that you didn’t bother much. Why to sacrifice for anyone when everyone’s only working for themselves? I’m glad you did too. There are fools like me who vent their wasted emotions into sordid writings llike this, but we feel & we care. Only to mope for them in the end & pour our resentment filled hearts into worthless tears. We're the ones hugging our pillows at night, praying for dawn to come early. We're the ones whose waits don't end. we're the ones providing the warmt only to end up shivering in the cold. Thats the price we pay for being emotional! What’s love anyways? When there are other things in this world why to run after what’s so intangible & inconsistent? There’s money & land to fight for. Why stand around to hold a person’s hand when you could be in the spot-light? Who’d bother about feelings when there’s power to struggle for? Why to care about other people once you’re getting your stomachs filled & the pockets? Why to raise the voice & disrupt our own chances for the sake of societies? Why to take all the trouble? Why care about anyone besides the self? Evidently everyone’s doing the job for themselves alone. All the good love’s gone. Hatred rules the heart now. Those fires keep it warm & going. What’s there to love in this dirty little world? The only love we know is for ourselves. We seek people only for our carnal desires. We use them & throw them like tissue papers. We’re lustful creatures craving power & status & we’ve forgotten the things that had some value. We’ve forgotten the purpose of our creation. We only run after things that’ll earn us glory & fortune. We’ve taken down walls & shed blood of millions in the name of glory. Then we claim to be humans! No matter how much we deny that’s the truth. Had that not been the reason, we’ve all been living quiet lives, unconcerned about what others did-whether that concerns the man-woman affairs or the affairs of the nations. There’s little room for love when we’ve built castles & fortresses out of antipathy. We’ve divided nations so what’s so big about breaking individuals? Hearts are even smaller entities than that. Teach those foolish souls to forget kindness & good deeds. Tell them to seek pleasure from worldly desires. Most of the people have forgotten what loving was about. There is no future for those who love. Tell them to turn cold. Teach them the art of survival without conscience; those who wish to exist will learn. There’s no place for the others. It’s a cruel world. When you can’t beat them, join them!

Tragedy of love

So this is how every story goes
One minute love & the next minute woe
A few moments of joy & all the rest is regret
In a game of love that’s all you get. 

Occasions like flowers fade
And fall down as they were made
All the sweet secrets & vows
Wholly in nothing is where they go.

A will to forget all that has past 

But the conscious craves to save the best for last 

All that happened isn’t easy to forget

But the only existing emotion is regret.

Regrets of the life that is dead 

Memories of days more done than said

 Endless search of traces of bliss 

In the days now missed.

After those moments of wishful hues 

The harsh reality comes into view 

With the present so forlorn 

& a pocket full of memories that stand alone.

Hopes which have forever past 

A love so sweet that it could not last 

Dreams that had vanished into thin air 

Shattering the images of a love so fair.

No One To Blame

Just another wish that went down the drain. Never expected much from life anyways. Not that it came as a surprise. I knew the story from alpha to omega but don’t know why expected that it would be different. I suppose we need to have high hopes in order to aspire & survive. Then again I forget that pain & pleasure go hand in hand. Certain things are truer for some than others. Perhaps it’s the approach. I’ve always said that the mind’s to blame. Even in this tale I know I’m the guilty one. Had I never given in, today I’d have been focusing on other things besides this broken heart. Well hearts were made to be broken, weren’t they? Gave up making promises long time ago when those were declared for breaking purposes. Where is a person to settle now? Hearts are cold in today’s time. No place to keep the head for every shoulder seeks material. I couldn’t accuse you in that respect. You were just careful in your own way. I guess you had enough going on in your life to take too much interest in someone else’s. You, the practical achievers, were always ahead of us. We, the grand dreamers, got little from life. So it becomes obvious that perception affects our disposition doesn’t it? What should I hold against you when everything seems to be against me? Well let’s blame the circumstances shall we? You carry along your path, I’ll find my way through those thick forests and maybe the lions might be having a party somewhere.

Wisdom Over Ideals

The eyes meet to give more than words would say

The delicate touch of the fingers takes the breath away

Enlocked in a private circle the shoulders adjoin

Not confessing the truth was just fine.

Sensations ran below the skin but never to manifest

After years of innocence finally roused from rest

The mind knew the truth but hid it well

Admitting it was love would only put through hell.

Hazy emotions misted the view on both sides

Accepting reality would hurt the pride

Falling in love wasn’t meant for the strong

Especially when the people appeared too wrong.

A different channel to vent that below

Completely dramatic characters continued the show

The real existence buried beneath the roles

Allowing time to later take its toll.

All putative that had never grown profound

A good friendship that may never touch another ground

But such currents never question the direction they take

But wisdom examines & warns that it could all be fake.

The Sinful Pleasure

Expected too high to receive the pain
Unfulfilled remained the desire to be cruelly slain
 Hurt was an addiction the body desperately craved
Disregarded a heart without the slashes engraved.

No consideration for a body that never bled
Unattractive appeared the eyes that never shed
Human weren’t the hands that never shook
Unseared flesh wasn’t worth the look.

 Begged for a generous portion of the cruelty inflicted
 Deluged in the sensation the general opinion contradicted
Once only a feeling that turned into obsession
So silent suffering became the secret passion.

 Longed for the sensation to run in the veins
Prided in the reflection of the knife profoundly slain
The lunatic desire got labeled as source of regret
An enraging sin the heart could never forget.

A Hurting Beauty

Wish you didn’t laugh the way you do When the voice is weak & the heart is too Wish you didn’t think tears were for the weak It’s only human when they roll down the cheek. Wish you could see what’s above & understand the depth of love Wish you didn’t turn your eyes away When looks gave more than what words would say. Wish you could see when there was hurt inside & analyze the truth when the smile had lied Wish you would lend an ear to heal the pain & gave a little affection when nothing remained. Wish I could describe the way it feels To have bleeding scars that just won’t heal Wish you could pay my words some respect & won’t make it all so easy to forget. Wish your smile was more sincere than it is Wish it was easy to tell you all this Wish your attitude was a little less bold & you didn’t pretend to be so cold. Wish you understood that men too were human inside & their hearts did break even if covered by pride Wish I could change the way you feel But how could I be sure of something so well concealed?

Drugged By Love

Forgive me for calling you

I understand that I am wrong

Forgive this heart that doesn’t cease beating

It’s just that these emotions come on strong.

I wish I could walk away

I wish I could erase the past

Simply carry on without a care

& by forgetting you, I could rest at last.

Had it been easy don’t you think I would’ve tried?

How could I forget the one who lightened me inside?

The one who made me smile & eased my frown

Who held my world when it was crashing down!

Teach me to check the tears filling these eyes

Save the body before it quietly dies

There’s only 1 hope of survival & that’s from you

Even without a chance I know you’d pull me through.

Despite trying I can’t let go

The more I hide my feelings the more it shows

Wish I could leave your hand & just turn away

But this soul would die long before the hair turn grey.

Believe me I’ve tried to leave you behind

But you’ve given the love of the purest kind

Every time I tried to leave, you bid me to remain

Now like an addict, without you, I’d go insane.

Mask of Deception

Smile the greatest smile to hide the pain
 Laugh the heartiest laugh but it would be in vain
 What comes from within is hard to conceal
Masks can’t hide what the heart reveals.
 Ignore the burning for want of peace
Suppress these emotions till they really cease
Deny their existence till they really die
Remnants will disappear as time goes by.

A Trust Broken

A forgotten memory till kindled by a notion No wind of change would bring back the emotion Held on too long, but felt all alone The broken trust turned the heart to stone. A tear streaked face kept hidden from all eyes Consoled oneself by believing in the lies Kept hopes high but waited in vain Then forsook those lands to stop the pain. Knew the depicted pictures images to be a delusion Truth was needed to give the conclusion Received too little to keep the flame aglow Time was close to end the show. Face turned away then received the call Grabbed a hand to break the fall Left with nothing but a pretentious face Cursing the betrayer for leaving imprints no time would efface.

Revival Of Love

Life has ways that you can’t tell
One minute it’s love & the other minute hell
Just when you think everything feels right something goes wrong & just when you think u know it, the player changes the song.
  Friend:There are things none of us can see 
They may not seem as they may be 
Once every while lives are shattered 
Due to misunderstanding with what really matters. 


When you think you’ve attained eternal bliss
Something minuscule might change this
The feeling of being loved can go away & nothing can chase the feeling irrespective of what anyone says.

Misunderstandings give way to broken dreams 
Things may actually be simpler than they seem 
Affectionate hearts may turn cold 
When bitter emotions get their hold.
Every wound takes time to heal 
One night can’t change the way you feel 
A lot of time & patience is a must 
If love is to revive & to regain trust.

Haunting flashbacks

I did my best to deny the way I feel
Now that wound will take a long time to heal
I kept denying that I loved you the way I did
& confirmed it when goodbye we bid.
 I was convinced that I wasn’t in love with you
 But reality soon began to seep through
From the look of love I tried to hide & condemned every emotion I felt inside.
I thought the vows would mark the end
But it only enhanced what I did pretend
Now those flashes return from the past
Haunting my life with what didn’t last.

Let Me Be the One

Chorus: Let me be the one to hold you through the night

The one to chase the darkness & bring in the light

Let me be the one to comfort you when it’s cold

The only friend you’d run a 1000 miles to hold.

Let me be the one you trust with all your life

Your friend, your world, your everything as your wife

Let me be the one who’d always make you smile

The one to cherish all your dreams & every while

I never thought that this could happen

I never felt it could come true

Never dreamt I’d find someone like you

The one to give me so much pleasure

The one to chase away my pain

I’d give my all tonight, if you

Chorus

I swear I’ll always be there for you

Bring down the heaven if you ask me too

Say it once that you want me too

Promise …

Chorus

Please let me be the only one

A Mere Fantasy

Why do you come to tease me like this?
You show me wonders that I could miss,
You come in my dreams to make me discontent
Why must you play with my sentiments?
 Why do you show me what I didn’t believe in before?
 Why do you lead me through new experiences, door after door?
You make me do things I’d never do
Then you make me fantasize what you put me through.
 I know that you can kill with your charm
 But why do you choose me to fill your arms?
I know that incomparable, irresistible is your dance.
But I’m not the one who’d like such romance.
 I have a life I need to live
I can’t be satisfied with what you give
I admit that you’re more than a handsome face
But your offers only make my life fall out of place.
 Spare me the dreams & its associated pain
Please let my life remain
You upset everything that is real
For nothing in my life compares to how you make me feel.

An Identity Lost

An empty feeling that dwells inside
Dead are even the masks of pride
Flesh & bone once made this woman
But the body’s soulless to be called human.
 A painted face with a painted smile
The heart’s too numb to acknowledge a trial
 Hollow eyes continue to twinkle
Of once gold, only ash is left to sprinkle.
 Melodious laughter plays over & over again
Eyes don’t distinguish between the women & men
Words are void but really sweet
No reason to live but the heart continues to beat.
 The beat diminishes as time goes by
A wind blown petal against a painted sky
 Face of youth with a reflection of age
An instructed doll-like a model on stage.
 The soul & cold metal feel the same
Not life, but the mind is to blame
Change follows when the heart loses its voice
Then losing personality isn’t a choice.

Sweet Obsession

I got a bouquet for you. Wouldn’t you like to see? Just a few more hours before it withers! It’s got glitter sprinkled on it. I looked at it & don’t know why I thought of you. Hmm... Everything reminds of you anyways. I don’t know why I imagine you wearing the clothes I see or think what you’d think when I write something & even rehearse all the words picturing you before we meet. I remember you when I see your favorite food. I want you beside me when I go to a new place. I want you to share everything I experience from movies to new adventures. I live from moment to moment of reminiscing the time I share with you. Would you call this obsession? I do. You know something? I really don’t want you to find out. I’ll find it humiliating. I don’t want to tell you that I love you this much. It might drive you away. I don’t want to lose you. I really don’t. I would never have the courage to ask you to stay should you pack & go. I feel I’m the weaker one. It makes me pity myself & that’s something I don’t want to do. If I ever had the courage I’d have told you that the worst day of my life was when you left for that vacation of yours. I still remember the pain I went through. I never told you about it. I used to live to hear your voice just once. I wouldn’t spare a chance to check my mail. I tried to convince myself that I was getting over you but I knew it wasn’t true. The entire time felt like a trying period. I was happy as a lark the day you returned. I blessed my stars for returning you home. Oh God! What would you think if you knew that I soliloquy all day imagining to be talking to you? I know I’m crazy. I can’t help it. See I’m doing it even now. I fear that you would look at this & guess it’s about you, but I hope you won’t. Emotions are such a confuse lot, aren’t they? Always ripping us in opposite directions! I want you to know, yet I don’t. I want to love you, yet I deny. Would you like to know that I have the bouquet lying next to my arm? Well it’s for you. Here let me seal it with a kiss. I wish I could find an excuse to give it to you, but it won’t happen today. Unfortunately, tomorrow it’d no longer be presentable. Well I guess then I’d let it lie here. At least the thought was there, even if I couldn’t share it. I’ll let it kindle your sweet thoughts with its fragrance. That would sure make me happy, perhaps you’d know about it someday.

Denied Existence

“She died last week” came the tidings. Don’t bother telling me that you didn’t notice. I know you didn’t! It was never in you to observe the changes-especially such subtle ones that enter & exit smoothly & silently. I know you didn’t even know that she was a new life. You felt her presence, that I realized but you took it for granted. I bet you didn’t even think for a minute that she might’ve left your side. You wouldn’t have even imagined that she would never even return. You did whatever you thought about it then. If she bothered you, then your irritation would’ve gone without notice. If she pleased you, you might miss her presence. In either case you wouldn’t be able to conjure neither her existence, nor her death. Nobody knows when she was born, or how she came to life, but she did. She lived well, even if her stay was short. A gleeful, bright child who danced around & laughed heartedly. She was playful & entertained all those around her. Her twinkling eyes sparkled with naught. Everyone witnessed the vivacious spirit. They all shared the innocent laughter. But today they remember little of that child. Nobody noticed it gone. They condole but in silence. She was a being alright but borrowed a mortal body. She didn’t have one of her own. That’s why you don’t know. She was a clever & jolly kid wasn’t she? So pure & innocent. Never took life for granted. She didn’t even think about death herself. Poor child! There’s still life for that body she left behind. Pray that it survives the emptiness after losing the best parts of it. The vacancy she left could only fit her & none else. Now it would forever remain bare. So close the door which has no place for another visitor. Bury the remains while her memory lives. Let no one find tracks later that will stir the past. We’ll pretend that she never lived!

Song To The Innocent

Where there is water there is blue
 Where miracles happen, I found you
 Life was lonely & needed a start
 Then you came in & captured my heart.

 I understand beauty when I see you smile
 It’s pure pleasure when we share a while.
 I’ll always be there for you
 There’s no end to what I’ll do
 When shelter you need, these arms will protect you
 When courage you need, they’ll lift you too
 All I have is what I’ll give
 Sweet child, it’s for you I live.

 Life may get harsh & tides do get rough
 Have faith in yourself & that’s enough
 If shadows come knocking on your door
 They’ll need to deal with me before.

 Some roads may be dark but we’ll face them together
 Hand in hand, it’s a friendship forever.
 Don’t need roses or a diamond ring
 Your smiling eyes & carefree laughter are the greatest things 

A world of innocence dwells in your eyes
 Enlocked in your embrace is what I consider Paradise.
 Innocence will live till you are here
 And never will my smile be replaced by a tear.

Bedazzled

Like a fallen petal she lay
Waiting for the mound of clay
Her smiling lips now silenced by time
To hold such beauty should’ve been a crime.

Lullaby

Beyond this world

Amongst the stars

Lies the answer to who you are

In the songs of the trees

With the swirling of the leaves

You’ll find the path to your dreams.

Fly on white horses away from this land

There’s so little compassion but you don’t understand

You belong in the stars with the angels above

Take your horses where you’ll find that love

Climb the rainbow to carry you along

Good fairies will protect you till you become strong.

Young emperor, return to your palace & your gardens

You’re not one of us; you belong to Eden

Build your dreams with ribbons & gold

Look towards the blue skies to find what the future holds

Learn to give, love & share

Reach within your soul to guide you there.

The angels will come to take you away

There’ll be bed of roses where you will lay

For your protection there’ll be armored knights For your guidance there’ll always be the shining light

Go to your world where there’s no sorrow

Sleep now my love, may you wake there tomorrow.

TO The Angel Of Death

Come fill my senses. Take control! Let me cherish every move you make. Surround me with your arms & dance with me once more. I am addicted to your charm & these worldly creatures seem like amateurs, compared to you. I live a life of lies, and better a dream of pleasure than sorrow of pretense. It hurts to laugh here, but you don’t know that word. Take me away. End my wait. Walk me through your candle-lit hall. Arrest my breath with your caress. Let me drown in the fantasy. Sweep me off my feet & carry me away. Be the love of my life, tonight I Surrender.

The Well

Built a well but left it dry
To fill it with the tears I’d cry
Not knowing that pain would be
Just another part of me.

 Built it in a place that held
Not a single soul that dwelled
No one would come, so no one could see
How empty it was inside of me.

 World was hard & tears were weak
It had no place for the meek
So learnt to live without a sound
Where not a single tear was found!

 Years went on without solace
Lived well enough to harden the face
Emotions called but buried them in the sand
Futile it’d been to try to understand.

 Thought to fill it with the blood of the heart
But found that very difficult to depart
So once again left it dry
Till time could teach me how to cry.

 There was little hurt after learning to deal
That no one would care for the slightest feel
 Had to be tough & battle the humanity
People were selfish & would only pity.

 Till this day that well lives on
Somewhere in a place no one was born
Like from the start, it remains dry
Just because this body could never cry.

Fallen Away

Look inside what do you see?
A heart as hollow as can be
Untouched by emotion to ever care
&just shrug off what seemed unfair
 Never had friends to learn how to deal
 Unconcerned to ever ask how it’d feel
 Thought that a position might earn me a place
Need no person to invade my space.
 Built my world within four walls
To hide away when shrank too small
Roofless home wasn’t bad for a start
Would pull through life by being smart.
 To carry on living didn’t find a reason
Too cool to care if put though treason
Found it easy to laugh through another’s pain
Turned & walked away without looking again.
 Wanted to care but didn’t get a chance
Wanted to love but didn’t find romance
Left stranded by reality to walk alone
So this poor little heart turned to stone.

Immature

So you thought that it would change within moments didn’t you? Come on, we’re older now. We’ve learnt to play games well. Admit that you thought it would be easy. Admit that you took me for a fool. Confess the truth & I’ll let you go on trying to fool me. I might even pretend that I believe you. I might just do as you ask, but at least own up. I don’t ask you anything else. I wish I could see behind the words you give me. I wish I could read the dirt in your mind. At least I’d know how I’m being exploited. Excuse me for being born innocent & naïve. I could never race with the sharp ones a long mile. I couldn’t manage to take further than the first step while I watched the others cut through the finish line. I knew those races were not for me. I was too simple & blunt to get anywhere. The rest of the world knew too much & shared very little. My case was vise-versa. I knew little & shared much. Foolish I had been from the beginning. Learnt that I was fragile & needed protection; which further brought my self-esteem down. I knew I wasn’t made to battle the world & least of all alone. I knew I’d get eaten up alive. I wasn’t fit to fight on my own. God only decided to place a heart in this body & bit of mind to keep that crazy beater in control. It never had much sense of its own. So that’s my life story. See I did it again! I wasn’t asked bout my life. I was supposed to be asking bout you. See that’s my problem, I forget what I was supposed to do & get all excited that someone’s listening to me. Oh well! Back to my old point, do you think that I’m really foolish? Oh I don’t think that was the subject of our discussion or was it? There, that’s going to be the end of it. Now I forgot the topic, so anyways Merry Christmas or whatever!

Science of Love

Love is not organic to form fossil on being laid
Love is not a metal on which its oxide will be made
It has no heat capacity to change with the weather
But love is like the ionic bonds that hold hearts together.

Tribute To A Dream

Remember the way we used to be
Those moments are more alive than a memory
When there was a friend to count on & lend an ear & love had never raised any fears.
 There were dreams & joy to share &
 not a single moment did we spare
They made us who we are today
For what I’m grateful beyond words can say.
 Winds change direction & time goes by
 Sometimes it’s hard to say goodbye & though those days are long since gone
The memory of your love will linger on.

Sotto Voce

For ages you put me in chains that I could not break But to keep you happy, those smiles I’d faked I wanted to run but had nowhere to hide Bit by bit, death devoured all that existed inside. For you I’d laughed then had cried all night Day after day, prayed that I could battle this fight Just like you, time did nothing to ease the pain So the soul died & even heaven sent no rain. Here’s a broken heart that uselessly beats on its own Without any desires, it journey’s alone Here’s a face wretched of smiles that once shone there Leeched of emotion, it carries on without a care. These lips are silent, but what difference does that make? The words went unheard even when they did articulate The eyes show nothing & have lost their shine Body functions mechanically, so might appear fine. Who was once regarded to turn out the best Unconsciously, has been quietly laid to rest Without a word & without a tear the soul departed & as it left, just the own body felt broken-hearted.

Destructive Desires

Lost & confused Staring at the fragmented reality Thought the treaded tracks to be easy to follow But bitter reality succeeded in betraying again. Waters were dark but clear at the top Thought getting through wouldn’t take much Trained to sail & equipped with the best Yet the unpredictable, drowned it all. Thought we could tear down mountains Counted on the fact that we’d pull through Confident that the impossible was achievable But I lifted the hand to vacant winds. Betrayed & desolate I now stand Fires of resentment burning to climax Played with deception & learnt to lie The flaming hatred taught to destroy. Hate everything including the self Everything poisoned from blood to knife Hoped that time would teach tolerance But destruction became the passion of life.

A plea in the darkness

Wish you would come around if only for a while Wish you could see beneath this face that beguiles I live in darkness but that you cannot see Underneath these smiles lies a story of misery You don’t come around for your life keeps you occupied I only give words, but you fail to notice that I’d lied How I live you don’t care to find out That’s what makes me lie here & cry about. In the light I glow & in darkness I lay Like a child’s toy with this heart you play You don’t have time to lend an ear to confide One simple reason that makes me crumble inside. You give so many promises & nothing in the end For a bit of your time I continue to pretend Every promise you break, I hold out & reassure Damning myself as I leave through your door! Remember that it’s me when you come around When hard times come, it’s me who holds you above the ground Could it be that your blind & cannot see? Called to reality the only listener is me.

The woman

A woman to the world, but the heart of a child
Dignified & sober they thought but she longed to run wild
They thought she spoke but she had nothing to say
They reached to her in places when she’d gone far away.
 They thought she was hard, but she felt inside
hey thought she’d friends, but she never learnt to confide
She spoke with innocence but was labeled wrong
They thought her weak, but she was strong.
 They thought she laughed, but she feigned within
They assumed but couldn’t conjure what her life had been
She claimed to be no martyr or a saint
But resentful pictures of her they’d paint.
 They wanted her to be like the rest
She thought differently & wanted to be the best
So what they sought for her let her down
But she endured in silence with barely a frown.
 She was a child that longed to be fascinated with life’s wonders
To be born with a different perception was her only blunder
What pleased most people, she didn’t consider prime
So with a heart still youthful, she grew up far before time.

Lady of the sea

Of the ocean, I am the tide Only for a while I’ll be by your side I am something you can touch but never hold Possess great warmth, yet appear too cold. I am the water that lets you live I provide the nourishment nothing else could give The nurture I bestow, none can compare Peaceful & natural, all lives in my care.

THe Immortal Existence

Love is a feeling
It is an art of healing
In the form of kind words & deeds
It’s the only thing that we really need.

 Where everything else falls
 Love shines through to stand tall
When all falls apart
 It’s the savior of the broken-heart.

 Invisible love has no meaning &
may take forever for someone to start believing Actions &
 words give love understanding &
comfort when the world becomes demanding.

 Hearts can be broken
When words are left unspoken
 A few kind words of admiration to someone
Could really complete a life left undone.

 A few words that say u care
A confirmation that you’ll be there
Is the greatest joy one could cherish
In good times & even when those perish.

 An emotion that’s deeper than the sea
A feeling as pure as can be
A light that’s brighter than the sun
Love’s a hope that gives life A reason.

 To love someone is the greatest state one can achieve
 To be loved is the best gift one could receive
Caring gives a motive to smile & the courage to complete the journey of a thousand miles.

 Mortality is fleeting
Clocks of the heart continue beating
 Invisible love might never die or rust
 But someone lonely might be lying beneath the dust.

A Cherished Life

Looking over the bridge of the dead years Scanning the faces filled with smiles & tears It’s a wonder how time flew so fast And just left memories to savor the past. Thanks for being the best parents that could be Giving me the best of life like good parents would Bringing me up with such love & care & when I needed you, thanks for being there. Thanks for the 24-hour shoulder From the beginning till I’m older Also thanks for the warmth when times got cold & for holding out when it was hard to hold. Thanks for this gift of life that I truly treasure & love you beyond measure For filling my life with such love & bliss I couldn’t ask for more than this. Thanks for making me who I am today I hope I will make you really proud someday, By proving you as the best man & wife, Justifying that I lived a cherished life.

The immortal shadows

In the silence of this empty room
Two lovers have met their doom
Their shadows creep over the antique walls
Dancing to the music heard even down the halls.

 Two waltzing shadows merge into one
In their lives the way their souls had done
Joined & parted but never did separate
Now jealously & hatred led them to this fate.

 Arms go up as the faces bow
Lifted up, twirled then let down low
 Four arms join to merge into two
No spell could break a love so true.

 The lonely lovers lie on the ground below
While the shadows perform their all night show
When darkness falls, over the walls they creep
In the morning they return to sleep.

 They dance frantically across the room
Nothing comes in their way-not even doom
Their immortal souls were meant to be together
To dance away the nights forever.

Something deep inside

It’s a weird feeling, nothing pleasant though-a wave that sweeps over & ends the enthusiasm. It simply dulls it all till everything loses its meaning. All of it feels worthless & drab. There’s still something in you that tugs, to remind that it had some value at one time but then you cast it aside! Why bother with those little voices when the outcome is nil? They ask you if it hurts & despite your stone answer, that little voice squeaks a “yes”. Of course it does, but it’s not so important. But then what is? With or without your emotions the world carries on. So who’d care for a miniscule emotion of an unknown person? Not that it’d cause a revolution. Not that it was anything new. Everyone’s been through it. But still you care. If only something could chase it away. If someone could add another hue to the blues, it’d be better. At least this feeling would go away. This hurting feeling they call pain.

Cry for freedom

Would it have mattered if I’d walked into the centre of the sea? Seemed a tiny distance unbarred by the heights & the rocks below. It was a spectacular moment, one of those perfect instances to unite with eternity. To make the last leap & break the chains of this world, once & for all. It’d be so easy to erase the distance keeping me away from that life giving ocean. It’d be divine to dive into forever. What difference would it make if I did? It’d only grant one soul some peace. The world would’ve carried on. I’d only been 1 less mouth to feed, 1 less body to clothe, 1 less writer, writing these sordid rhymes & 1 less spirit crying for freedom!

Abandoned

“A fragment of a dream gone by Regretful memories but the eyes are dry The soul experienced the deepest cut Now pain wouldn’t let these restless eyes shut.” Yes, beloved that is what my life has been like since the day u exited my door. What happened to those promises you made? What became of those fiery meetings we so often shared? Those wild desires unrestrained. Those promise filled evenings. The days your gifts & your presence made special. Where did they all go? Does someone else lay her head where I used to? Do you smile at her the way you smiled at me? Does my thought ever cross your mind or has she replaced those as well? Did you ever really love me or was it just a game for you? I wish that I could abandon your thoughts just the way you abandoned me but I can’t. If I open my mouth to speak the only word that comes out is your name. I lie here all day allowing your thoughts to torture me. How long has it been since the last time you came to collect your clothes? Wasn’t it the same day you said you’d never want to see me again? You gave me no reason. You said I didn’t need to know everything in your life. I remember it better now. Was too shocked & broken then, to know what was going on. How long has it been? 3 days, a week, I’ve lost track of time. Don’t even have the energy to drag myself from this floor. Wish I’d dug a grave earlier so could’ve crawled into it. Have no strength to move or to speak. You were everything to me. You were the only one I loved & cherished. I asked nothing more from life. I began living the day I met you. I was a nobody but you gave me identity. Now I’ve lost everything. I could’ve sworn you were made for me. How is it that you didn’t think the same? Wasn’t I good enough for you? Please tell me what I lacked. What is it that this girl has that I didn’t? I could’ve buried you in money or affection alike. I had the looks. I had the status. I had the faith & talent. What is it that you left me for? Are you happy now? How long will she entertain you? Will you desert her too when your restless heart gets bored of the same face? Look at this floor. It’s streaked with rivulets of dried tears. All those tears I shed perhaps more for myself than for you. My eyes hurt from lack of rest. Wish you’d tell me what was on your mind when you left. I could’ve given my life for you. Maybe you should’ve asked me to die for you. I’d have died with honor rather than lie here-neither dead nor alive. You would’ve had your freedom & I would’ve been at rest too. Would you come once just to see me? But that won’t make any difference to you. I remember you told me that your past had no meaning for you. Yeah, you did always live for the moment. I guess I was the foolish one. I was the one who found it hard to move on. I had always been that way. Whatever I had, I wanted for keeps. I didn’t think that one day you’d change & walk away. I should’ve been prepared but I guess I ignored the signs. Love is blind isn’t it? I had so many dreams. I had planned my whole life around you. I thought you shared my dreams. What happened then? Did you just lead me on & never actually meant them? How could you be so cruel? I guess it would’ve been very enjoyable for you to toy with my emotions. You wouldn’t have cared what would happen after that did you? Was it that or did you actually look forward to it? I do wish I could be a part of your life the way you had been mine. If there’d another life I’d like to know about what happened between us. There might be hope of revival there, but here I doubt I’d survive the poison given by the thought of you.

Haunting memory

Why do I still love u?
Why do I still care?
When I’ve found someone who’ll always be there
Why do I long for u even though your love was fake?
 & I had to endure more heartache than I could take
Let me love the one who loves me Break your spell & set me free
Let me be with the one who’d love me for sure
Let me know the love that’s deep & pure
What’s this magic u put me under?
What’s the meaning of causing our lives to asunder?
Why can’t I get over u? Y
our lips, your hair & you’re eyes so blue
Stir a tormented storm within my heart
Let me go or else I might fall apart.

The dark face of love

That nagging feeling that keeps recurring A rational thought to chase it away Voice inside insists "admit it!" No!! Please silence everything! A sigh devoured by the wind The quiet beating of the heart Flush on the face but veiled from the eyes The lovely grin gave away the secret. Such a disappointment to be here There were such high expectations A string of dreams-the picture's changed now Cling to those dreams before they fade. This couldn't have happened Can't be more than an illusion An induced fantasy after years of brainwashing But why do these sensations go so deep? An adolescent's fantasy that has no base The skies wait for u to soar through them But this bloody human flesh won't commit It's only familiar with the grave-untaught to fly. The traveling road is dark throughout Look ahead into the pitch, turn back & it's still dark Emotions are deaf-will never listen So seal the lips to prevent the words from revealing. So unsure yet wish upon the desire A desire that'll remain only a vision even if accepted by reality A solemn need that'll go unattended Would do good to pretend either. A pleasant feeling to soar through the clouds But not-so-pleasant to fall from the sky Hang on to those dreams that'll carry you through this life Cause human hearts will only bleed!!

Thought in the wind

IT was like a refreshing wind blowing: but somehow my world was still in the shadow..........